Be honest: Would you stop being my friend... - Page 2

[Polly Intactly]

If I know that you only were informed (misinformed) by your doctor then NO. I realize the power of doctors.

If you said to me... "I was fully informed, I did my research for months, and I chose to circ anyway".... OMG No way.

You are in the (I have to believe this)... of parents that were lied to by their doctors.  And, I can't fault you for that. 

[Super~Single~Mama]

I would still be your friend.  I don't choose my friends based on the status of their childrens genitals.  Regardless of whether they think they did the right or wrong thing.

[peainthepod]

I hope you can forgive yourself, mama. Pro-circ propaganda is everywhere in this country and being misled can happen to anyone, especially a first-time mother. I would still be your friend! 

If you were a person who saw nothing wrong with cutting little boys, and said that you evaluated the available information about it and did it anyway, and planned to do it to future sons, I couldn't be your friend. I believe RIC to be a starkly evil practice that violates the basic human rights of babies. Someone capable of doing that without remorse is not someone I would want in my life.

But you're not that person. Please don't beat yourself up anymore. You did what you thought was best for your son and when faced with evidence that it may not have been best, you had the courage and character to admit your mistake and vow not to do it again. I think that's completely awesome and a testament to what a great mother (and human being) you are.

[brydensmomma]

Everyone has to make their own choices for their own children. My three year old is "half" circumcised because my family and his fathers family pressured me. My dad had been circumcised as an adult and said it was better to do it as a child. In short, the doc botched the circumcision :( I wouldn't judge anyone just as I wouldnt want anyone to judge me. I just know I will NEVER do it again and if its that important to my son to have it done he can make that choice and do it

[mare54]

Yes, the real issue is altering a child's body (that is not medically urgent), in a way that is irreversible and could affect him for years into his life as a man, without his permission.  That is the real issue!  Circumcision has to be portrayed as a mostly cosmetic surgery, and permission for such a surgery should come directly from the person potentially being altered (as an adult).  The more insurance companies stop paying for such an un necessary surgery, the better it will be for the case against circumcision.

The next issue is the human rights issue for male and female infants.  Regardless of any culture or religion, If cutting one is illegal, then cutting the other must be made illegal as well.   The discrimination here is undeniable.

[Carlyle]

I would be your friend too .  But if you're comfortable bringing it up, you can use it as a way to prevent OTHER boys from being circed if you share your regrets with the other moms and with your son when he grows up (so that your grandkids don't end up circed).  Good luck, I hope you find some peace with it and can forgive yourself and the people who misled you about the procedure.  Our society as a whole is broken on this issue, not you.

[MsFortune]

I can't imagine choosing my friends based on their parenting decisions.  I would be friends with - and am friends with - parents of circumsized boys.

[ShadowMoon]

Originally Posted by peainthepod 

I hope you can forgive yourself, mama. Pro-circ propaganda is everywhere in this country and being misled can happen to anyone, especially a first-time mother. I would still be your friend! 

If you were a person who saw nothing wrong with cutting little boys, and said that you evaluated the available information about it and did it anyway, and planned to do it to future sons, I couldn't be your friend. I believe RIC to be a starkly evil practice that violates the basic human rights of babies. Someone capable of doing that without remorse is not someone I would want in my life.

But you're not that person. Please don't beat yourself up anymore. You did what you thought was best for your son and when faced with evidence that it may not have been best, you had the courage and character to admit your mistake and vow not to do it again. I think that's completely awesome and a testament to what a great mother (and human being) you are.

This

[puddle]

One of my close friends had her son circed after her husband's intact brothers insisted it was the best thing to do.  Not only am I still her friend, but when I was in the hospital after my son was born and DH and the nurses were pressuring me to agree to do it to my son, she's the person I called.

Every one of us has made mistakes as a parent.  I don't want my friends to dump me for my mistakes, and I'm not going to dump them for theirs.  We're all just doing the best we can with the tools and knowledge we have.

[pranava]

Why did the intact brother-in-laws insist circumcision was best?  That would be very hard to ignore if you were already on the fence. 

Crunchy_Mom - I would of course be your friend.  The only reason my son is intact is pure accident/bad doctor.  I agonized over it, but I didn't do the right research and in the end opted to circumsice.  When it came time to do it, the ped. thought DS might have hypospadius and circumcision is contraindicted with this condition.  Turned out to not be anything at all, and in the process of researching the possible hypospadius, I learned the real pro's of staying intact.  So, lucky accident, but DS was still forcibly retracted at less than 24 hours old and I feel very guilty about that. 
 

[puddle]

Originally Posted by pranava 

Why did the intact brother-in-laws insist circumcision was best?  That would be very hard to ignore if you were already on the fence. 

I think it was primarily about cultural assimilation.  They were born in a country where it isn't the norm, but my friend's DH was the youngest and was born in the U.S., and was therefore circumcised.  For the brothers, growing up intact in the U.S. decades ago when EVERYONE was circed was probably tough.