Crying in car seat

[AnkaJones]

Hi,

I was wondering how the more experienced moms handle crying in the car seat?  I'm very uncomfortable with leaving the baby to cry for any extended period given the effect of stress on babies.  Around the house, it's easy to attend to the baby when he starts crying -- even if I can't figure out what's wrong or can't make it better, I can at least hold him while he cries.  But when he's in the car seat, I often can't even get to him to hold him.  Do you all pull off the road to tend to the baby until he's calm or just keep driving?

Best,

Anka

[carmen358]

My DD went through a phase where she would SCREAM in the car. And she was not a screamer by nature. It didn't last very long...about a month at the most. I handled it by avoiding the car during that phase as much as possible and walking as much as I could. Eventually she was fine with it again. If I did have to drive somewhere and the crying got bad I pulled over and calmed her down. Sometimes it took a long time to get somewhere but I also wasn't comfortable leaving her to cry at all.

[ashleyc]

We are in the same position!  From the get-go our son has HATED the car seat.  I think he hates being strapped in and confined.  Things that helped are - we bought a "Snuzzler" (google it on Amazon) which helps newborns feel a little more cushioned and cosy and less "jack-knifed" into the seat.  My mom bought him just an old-school wind up music toy that hangs down from the handle and that mesmerizes him.  Plus two little plush toys with bells inside that he can look at. 

We also used to be able to give him a paci, but now he doesn't really take it and when he does, and it falls out, he gets upset.  Generally, he quiets down if we get moving, but he will start fussing if I have to sit at a red light too long.  We drove back from the beach the other day - a 1 hour drive - and he woke up and cried so hard we had to pull over, comfort him, put him back in the seat and speed off :)

It is so unpredictable, though.  During that same trip to the beach, he fell asleep in the car seat and we were able to bring him into a restaurant and have lunch and he didn't stir.  That is amazing.  I can never be the mom that takes the sleeping child to the mall or the grocery store and run my errands. The minute he wakes up and realizes he's in the car seat he starts crying hard.

Sorry being so long winded, but to answer your question, I basically pull off the road.  If I can tell he's going to quiet a little bit, I just keep going and he likes the movement, but if he's doing that cry where he starts choking or there's that big silent pause because he's becoming hysterical I get over immediately.  Some babies have car sickness.  I don't know how you are able to figure out if this is the case?

[~Adorkable~]

we use a pacifier in the car, and got a tether for it and attach it to the side of the carseat towards the center of hte car (we have twins so each is off to a side) that helps a find the paci at the end of the cord when it falls out and put it back in at red lights, i can just reach.

i also work of feeding them good and full before drives and have fun little dangle things from the car seat handles

yeah mine are mostly good till they are not, usally later in the day or red lights

[MsDolphin]

Originally Posted by AnkaJones 

Hi,

I was wondering how the more experienced moms handle crying in the car seat?  I'm very uncomfortable with leaving the baby to cry for any extended period given the effect of stress on babies.  Around the house, it's easy to attend to the baby when he starts crying -- even if I can't figure out what's wrong or can't make it better, I can at least hold him while he cries.  But when he's in the car seat, I often can't even get to him to hold him.  Do you all pull off the road to tend to the baby until he's calm or just keep driving?

Best,

Anka

I am the same way, I rarely let DS cry. However he did go through a phase of crying/screaming in his car-seat. I tried pulling over to comfort him, but as soon as he was back in the car-seat, the crying/screaming started back up.

I would avoid taking him in the car as much as possible and when I had to take him out, I would will my way through the drive. Sometimes I would turn up the music, not to over power him, but to bring it down a little.

He did out-grow the phase, I don't recall how long it took. I would guess a month or two. Good luck, I sooooo feel for you!
 

[P.J.]

There have been countless threads on this in the past, you can always look them up for more suggestions in addition to the ones you get here.

My baby (now 14 months) was a terrible car screamer. It was truly, truly awful and I felt as traumatized as he was!

Luckily, I do not rely on a car, and we used (and still use) public transportation as much as possible, But we drive places together as a family a lot. So, that means I could get in the back seat while DH drove. I was able to nurse the baby, while sitting in the middle seat (with seat belt on!). It was not comfortable and probably not totally safe, but it worked. And I nursed him every.single. car ride!

The magic bullet for us was when he outgrew the bucket seat (BTW we were able to use a convertible seat on vacation and it made no difference) and we got the forward facing bigger, more upright seat. Bam! No more crying! I think he just hated facing backwards. Maybe it made him naseous, or he just felt left out, who knows.

I know some mamas keep their babies rear-facing as long as possible, but quite frankly I was eager to get him FF as I suspected it would help, and it sure did! Besides, the country where I live (in Europe) all the car seats for babies over 9-12 months are forward facing anyway so I actually had no choice in the matter.

I know this doesn't help you, if you can't get back there to nurse him as someone else drives and none of the other tips work for you as was the case for us, you may have to just white-knuckle it until you can get your babe forward facing. I know how horrible it is. Hang in there!

[lmevans]

I have a newborn that isn't liking car rides much, especially if she wants to nurse (when she wants to nurse, she wants to nurse NOW! lol), and what is working for us so far, is that DH and I both downloaded a lullaby app onto our iphones and she listens to that and has calmed down when we try that so far...

So maybe some kind of toy that plays music could possibly work for some of you? We also are going to try a pacifier for use only in the car...who knows if it'll work or not. 

I totally feel you mamas...I hate hearing her cry, and I feel guilty and like I'm not tending to her needs in the car; but sometimes it's just not possible. :( I'm hoping she grows out of it soon and gets used to the car/car seat. Our family is a 3 hour drive away, and we usually visit them every few months. 

[QuestionGal]

no time to read PP's 

have you thought about baby getting overheated in the bucket seat? That material is NOT breathable and with them facing backwards it gets warm quickly.  Both my kids had that issue (getting overheated quickly even in the middle of winter, which means temps of 60's) 

[AnkaJones]

Thanks for all your suggestions and support!  I'll check into the overheating issue; we were having a bit of a heat wave. 

Best,

Anka

[MarineWife]

my 2nd baby cried in his carseat from the beginning. it only got better once he was big enough to be forward facing, but then he was carsick all the time. i think that was the problem with him. once we got a dvd player in the car (which i was opposed to at first) he wouldn't get sick if he had that to focus on. he's 7 years old now and mostly grown out of it. he still gets sick occasionally on long drives and/or when he eats certain foods in the car.

[ashleyc]

Originally Posted by P.J. 

I know some mamas keep their babies rear-facing as long as possible, but quite frankly I was eager to get him FF as I suspected it would help, and it sure did! Besides, the country where I live (in Europe) all the car seats for babies over 9-12 months are forward facing anyway so I actually had no choice in the matter.

I'm hoping this is going to make the difference too.  When can you switch to the forward facing seat in the US?  9-12 months seems like AGES away! :)
 

[~Adorkable~]

it really does make a big differnce in a crash, they say to keep them rear facing till they are 2 years old, some older places say at least one year, most also say till they outweigh the carseat or their head is up too high. .basicly a long time, 

[AnkaJones]

Yeah, the American Academy of Pediatrics changed the recommendation in the last year or so to two years rear facing.  Lucky us.

 

Originally Posted by ashleyc 

I'm hoping this is going to make the difference too.  When can you switch to the forward facing seat in the US?  9-12 months seems like AGES away! :)
 

[amberskyfire]

My daughter was a horrible, horrible, HORRIBLE car screamer. She would, within three minutes, turn purple, choke and stop breathing. This happened from birth. I was absolutely horrified by it. We tried different kinds of pacifiers and that just made her angrier. I couldn't breastfeed her in her car seat, she didn't want my finger and talking or singing also just seemed to make her more mad.

I was pretty guilt traumatized by other moms on the threads that told me to just let her cry, that it wasn't CIO, but to her, it clearly was and I couldn't just let my child pass out from lack of oxygen. In the end, I gave in to her. It wasn't more important to be somewhere, no matter where we had to be. I stayed at home as much as possible and if we had to go into town, I would make sure to leave a couple of hours early so we could stop every few minutes, take her out and nurse her again. It was hard work and so frustrating (especially since DH has Aspergers and a child from a previous marriage and did CIO and wanted me to just let the baby cry, so I got yelled at a lot about it) to say the least.

But she grew out of it and I'm glad I did it. I feel like she was a happier, healthier baby. She wasn't as upset when we would get to our final destination and I never once had to go through the horrible feeling of picking up a baby that would not react to me. Some moms have told me that their babies seemed "angry" with them after a ride of crying in the car and wouldn't look at them or would seem distant.

It was horrible. Really horrible. But she did grow out of it right around the time she was able to understand what I was saying - probably starting around 9 months. By the time she turned one, she was totally fine in the car and now she loves car rides. I'm praying the next baby will be a car sleeper like my stepdaughter. :(

[missbaby]

One of the girls loved her car seat until she dropped whatever she was playing with and then she would get loud!  It wasn't always possible to pull over and find what she had thrown/dropped so I had to let her fuss in spite of the fact that I don't believe in letting babies "cry it out".  I started to try out toys that were attachable on a tether and that made the incidences less frequent but unfortunately, it took her awhile to realize that she could reel her toy back in using the strap if it fell out of reach.