Bitter Sushi Ladies, August 2011

[Smilesarefree]

Welcome to the August Thread

This is a thread for those who have been TTC for a long time, whether 6 months, 12 months, or more. At this point many of us are at or past 1 or 2 years, many have had losses, many are dealing with various forms of infertility, and some are just in a waiting period until they can TTC again.

The name? Well, all things considered we tend to be a little bitter sometimes. So read with care. And due to everything, our emotions run a little raw like sushi. Too many cycles of BFN and CD1 sushi & sake to console ourselves. This TTC business is something that seems to "just happen" for so many...but we just can't seem to get it right. So this is where we can be together, share and express anything.

Current Bitter Sushi Ladies

abstract

33, and DH (36), TTC (his #2, my #1) off-and-on since November 2006

AGreenMum10

Trying since Nov 2009 , 1 ectopic - down a tube (May 2010), 2 losses (Aug 2010 & Jan 2011)

amo4piano

TTC #1 since Jan 2010, one m/c at 10.5 weeks

Attached2Elijah

Hoping for #3 for 4 years and 3 months with 6 months hard TTC (charting, etc) after previous unexplained secondary infertility.

blueyezz4

TTC #1 (technically #4-long story) since 2006; Moving on to our first FET after 5 failed IUI's and 1 IVF

CA Country Girl

Me (35) and DH (same) with one wonderful DD, TTC #2 for well over a year, now trying acupuncture and herbs

Calycanth

TTC #1 since March 2010, one miscarriage May 2010

cbaa2010

TTC # 1 since Oct 2010

collieflower

TTC #2 for 2 years, with 4 m/c (and another before DC#1)

enigo

Has one beautiful son, trying to conceive after three losses

InWaiting

TTC #1 since 04/2009 with one ectopic (11/09), one missed miscarriage (11/10),

Hypothyroidism and compound heterozygous MTHFR mutation. Current regimen is 5 mg of Femara on CD 3-7.

indianagrl

36, TTC for a little over two years onto IUI and clomid

IsisandOsiris

TTC #1 since August 2009

jenger

Mama to DD (4/07) TTC #2 since August 2009.

jennabella

TTC #2 since July 2009, with a loss in February 2010 and a loss in July 2010

kinza

TTC #1 since November 2008, with PCOS and Male Factor

kparker

TTC #1 since 9/08 with male factor, IUI #4 ???

lilmom

35, TTC #2 for 2 years with PCOS and rarely ovulating

littlest birds

TTC for 16+ months after VR

luminesce

TTC #2 since 4/2010 after 3 years of unexplained infertility with #1

Milk8shake

Still ttc#1 after four losses - currently awaiting test results

monkeyscience

me (27) and dh (25) TTC #1 with PCOS since 6/10. One failed Femara cycle... going natural until there's more cash

Objet_Trouve

TTC #1 since Jan 2010 with PCOS

Praha

Waiting since 2004; TTC since 10/10; losses 1/11, 4/11, and 7/11

rcr

TTC #2 since 12/2007, one loss in September 2010, one failed IVF in February 2011

SimplyRochelle

TTC #1 on and off since 5/2007, m/c at 12 weeks 9/08.

Smilesarefree

36 year old mom of one wonderful dd trying for another since April 2010

Sourire

TTC #1 since August 2010

sweetest77

TTC 2+ years after VR, 1 loss (6/11)

TandN

TandN (28), DH (28), TTC #2 since December 2010 after losing #1 DD, s/b @ 38 weeks

Wissa19

Wissa19 (33), DH (38) sweet buddy (12/07), TTC #2 since 06/09

yoyonana

34 , DH 31, TTC for 3 years, done all kinds of tests, unexplained infertilitty

ZanneMom

TTC #2 for more than 12 months

In our thoughts, on hold, and/or waiting

silverbird

ttc #1 since June 2010, after a two year delay for illness. Husband passed away 5/25/11

mi_dawn

lost baby William (born still 4/09) and two m/c in 09.

BSL BFPs!!! Stick little babies, stick, stick, stick...

Vivica2  - due?

Kyamo - due 3/2012

laggie - due early 2/2012

MommyMatsumoto - due 1/2012

Emaya - due 1/2012

Sweet.Bee - due 1/15/2012

lavatea - due 12/2011

miriam bat avraham - due 11/28/2011

Rachel88 - due 11/20/2011

MahnaMahna - due 11/2011

Jane - due 10/3/2011

grahnola mum - due 10/3/2011

borobaby - due 9/12/2011

justthinkn - due 9/2/2011

Tear78 - due 8/4/2011

Maurine - due 8/2/2011

CLH_X3 - due 7/13/11

Waiting on an update...

babygrey - due 4/2011 with twins!

grapesbunch - due 1/13/11

rachwms - Due 11/10

BSL BABIES

slylives - Cameron 6/15/11

kalamos23 - baby boy 4/28/11

xtara2003x - Emerson Rae 4/27/11

jenniferadurham - Ryan born 3/28/11!

Nanette56 - Tristan and Cael born 3/18/11!

finnegansmom - Henry born 2/11!

jessica_s - Asher Kingston 1/20/11

QBear'sMama - Jack Everett 12/17/10!

BarefootGirl - DS 11/20/10!

kellyttc#1 - Hilary & Charlotte 11/11/10!

YummyYumYumMama - Kieran 10/27/10!

lyndzies - Cadence James 10/15/10!

Carlyle - Maggie 10/9/10!

aidanraynesmom - Sloan Phoenix 9/10!

MaerynPearl - Maeryn Jean 9/27/10!

colorbywords - Emery Oaklynn 8/03/10!

LZP - Anna Veronica 7/18/10!

Pinoikoi - Ursula Marisol 6/23/10!

Lisko15 - Caleb Benjamin 6/24/10!

LINK to our graduates thread - Spring 2011 Edition!

Please let the threadkeeper (smilesarefree) know if your info needs to be updated.

New ladies are always welcome, but please join with care.

Please put all notes for changes or additions to this post in bold! Thank you!!  

Edited by Smilesarefree - 8/30/11 at 5:00pm

[Kinza]

Thanks for the new thread, Smiles!

And welcome to the new BSL's from last month.  Hope your stays are short and sweet!

[monkeyscience]

milk8shake - I am so, so sorry. :(

Smiles - Thanks for the new thread!

AFM, am now in Oklahoma, so will have a lot more time starting tomorrow. Hit 14 months TTC this weekend... I definitely feel like I "really" have IF before... as if 2 years of anovulation wasn't enough to qualify for that.

[lilmom]

Monkey- (((hugs))) I know, it is hard hitting any type of IF milestone, even if that milestone is only in our head. Hope you are getting settled in and it's ok for you!

Sourire- thanks for the words of encouragement for me! I know it is one step at a time, it's just so hard when we have been working on it for so long. I am trying to stay positive and most of the time I do ok at it, but some days are better than others.

AFM, I also wonder if low progesterone could be what caused my spotting. Thoughts anyone?

Also, I hope we get lots of good news this month, BSL's! Hoping for all of us!!

[Sourire]

Monkeyscience - speaking of anniversaries, DH and I started TTC immediately after our wedding which was August 14, 2010. So now on August 14 we will be celebrating not only our first wedding anniversary but also our 1-year TTC anniversary... I hope we can manage to forget about that part and just focus on being happy about the wedding anniversary.

[monkeyscience]

lilmom - Thanks. I am getting settled - I've unpacked pretty much everything, though there's not a lot of places to put things. We may end up changing rooms in a few days, because they didn't have any king bed rooms available, but I figure I have plenty of time to do a room transfer! I actually slept seperately from dh last night, in hopes that it would help him sleep better so he could be sharp for his new job this morning. Not sure if that worked, but I was surprised that he actually said he'd be lonely without me! (He CANNOT sleep snuggling, so it's not like that's the reason.)

Sourire - It was the same for dh and I. Well, sort of, anyway. We'd never had sex prior to marriage, and made the decision not to use BC when we were married because we knew it would be hard to conceive, and figured we'd take less-than-ideal timing over never having a baby of our own. I guess that's part of what made me feel like a "fraud" as a BSL - we weren't preventing, we were BD'ing all the time, but we didn't start the RE business until 7 months after we got married. But yeah, our first anniversary was a little bittersweet, realizing that we officially met the medical definition of infertile. I really just tried to focus on the happiness of being married, and how wonderful my dh is instead of thinking about kids. I hope you can have a happy anniversary, too!

okay, so those were more "me" than you ladies... sorry! lilmom, refresh me on your spotting... when is it happening? Have you had progesterone levels tested?

[lilmom]

Originally Posted by monkeyscience 

lilmom - Thanks. I am getting settled - I've unpacked pretty much everything, though there's not a lot of places to put things. We may end up changing rooms in a few days, because they didn't have any king bed rooms available, but I figure I have plenty of time to do a room transfer! I actually slept seperately from dh last night, in hopes that it would help him sleep better so he could be sharp for his new job this morning. Not sure if that worked, but I was surprised that he actually said he'd be lonely without me! (He CANNOT sleep snuggling, so it's not like that's the reason.)

Sourire - It was the same for dh and I. Well, sort of, anyway. We'd never had sex prior to marriage, and made the decision not to use BC when we were married because we knew it would be hard to conceive, and figured we'd take less-than-ideal timing over never having a baby of our own. I guess that's part of what made me feel like a "fraud" as a BSL - we weren't preventing, we were BD'ing all the time, but we didn't start the RE business until 7 months after we got married. But yeah, our first anniversary was a little bittersweet, realizing that we officially met the medical definition of infertile. I really just tried to focus on the happiness of being married, and how wonderful my dh is instead of thinking about kids. I hope you can have a happy anniversary, too!

okay, so those were more "me" than you ladies... sorry! lilmom, refresh me on your spotting... when is it happening? Have you had progesterone levels tested?

I had spotting last cycle, for 5 days prior to some heavy, clotty bleeding that I think was the end of a chemical. (Over 18 days past O and still high temps until the heavy bleeding started..never got a good bfp..but I've never gone more than 13dpo without my period, except with DS but I didn't know I was pg with him until 5 wks along, so I don't know when I would have gotten a solid bfp if I was testing early). That was the first time I'd ever had any spotting beyond a pink tinge during O, which happens to me sometimes.

Then, this time around, I had 3 days of spotting on CD20, 21, and 22. Never enough to hit the pad but definitely noticeable, and brown. At first I thought maybe it was O spotting but then it kept going. Then it stopped after 3 days. Now I'm on CD25, and no O yet. I had one high temp day during the spotting. I am going to the ob.gyn on the 11th and will definitely be asking him about all this stuff. I am just really concerned because I've never had spotting before. I have read alot of different things about mid-cycle spotting but everything I've read says it's not normal ever. So, I'm freaked out. I hope it is just progesterone because i'm sure I could do something to help that.

Glad you are getting settled. I sleep much better w/out DH than with him, but, sshhh don't tell him! Haha! He always says he's lonely without me too. That's kinda sweet I think! I hope you can find some fun/interesting things to keep occupied while you're there!

[Smilesarefree]

Monkey - I have offered in the past to sleep separate from dh to help him get a better sleep and he always refuses, he's not a snuggler either but it feels good to know that he wants me by his side just the same!  I hope your dh's new job is going well.

Lilmom - I hope you get the spotting thing sorted out.  I also go google crazy when something with my cycle changes, and the ever fearful menopause always shows up as a potential cause.  Ah well, if that is the case there is nothing I can do about it.

I am trying to let go and stop living my life in 2 week increments, I don't temp but do opks and I decided that I would stop.  That is my first step in letting go, at the moment I feel okay with it, next cycle I may not. 

[lilmom]

Smiles- I think that sounds like a very wise plan. Thank you for your words of wisdom on googling yourself crazy too. I mean, if it is meno, there is nothing I can do really. I hope letting go will be relaxing for you!

I am super curious about all the ladies we haven't heard from in quite a while. Come out of hiding and give us an update girls. We still luv you!

[sweetest77]

Milkshake - not sure if you're still reading, but I'm so sorry to hear your news 

Lilmom-  Hmm, brown spotting before your period (during luteal phase) could indicate a progesterone problem (my prog. numbers were normal but I always get spotting starting about 5 days after O, so my Dr went ahead and put me on prog. supps just based on the persistant spotting).  I also have thyroid disease which I think is a big factor in my spotting, have you had your thyroid checked recently?  Definitely mention it to your OB, mid-cycle spotting is something they probably won't just shrug off (like infertility!)

Smiles - thanks for the new thread!  I don't temp anymore or use OPKs.  It has definitely helped me to let go.  Ironically, the first cycle that I didn't do any interventions (no OPKs, no special vitamins, didn't even use my Prog. supps) I ended up pregnant.  Sadly I miscarried that baby, but I'm now convinced that I need to let go a little bit and just let things happen... or not happen.  I'm just trying to take care of myself and love my life as it is now... 

[objet_trouve]

Just wanted to pop in to say....well, no change. CD 54, most of the possible pregnancy symptoms are still there, like stomach gurgling and dizziness, but I'm still getting BFNs. Going to test again this morning again, but I'm in no way optimistic. Maybe the vitex is just going to be something that works for me perfectly for like five months and then quits working at all.

And there's not a whole lot I can do about it all. We're about two months away from moving out of state, and when we do I'm going to have to get off the state run insurance program I've been on and get on something else. I'm hoping my husband gets a job with a health care plan, but I may wind up on medicaid or something for a while.I could probably get back on clomid before we leave, but I'd only be able to do one round at best, and then we'd have to wait until we get on some kind of health care in Texas. So my options are get off vitex right now, wait a month, take one round of clomid (while moving, which wouldn't be very smart because we'd be too busy or there would be distance keeping us from BD) and stop trying completely until I can get on insurance in Texas, or I can hold out for vitex, and just take it until I get on health care in Texas, and see if it starts working again, then evaluate my options again when I get health care over there. I have a friend who suspects the couple times I took clomid for potentially being why vitex stopped working, she says it sometimes has effects months after taking it? If she's right, I have nothing to worry about and the vitex should work for me again.

But I have no idea. I've got no answers and no idea what to do about it.

[lilmom]

Sweetest- I'm glad you are doing ok and taking care of yourself. Thanks for your thoughts on the spotting. I definitely am going to ask for a blood test and see if the doc will check all my hormone levels and thyroid. I really think my thyroid has been off, maybe for years, but it always, always tests right smack dab in the middle of the normal range so the docs don't ever want to look further than that, even though I have plenty of symptoms. I think progesterone could definitely be an issue for me. I just hope they can help me, one way or another. I'm going to a new doc so I hope he is really great. He was recommended by my old one, who retired. The old one wasn't the greatest but he was the best in this town. So, I'm going with it.

OT- If I was in your shoes I would probably not take anything for awhile, and just let your body clear out so to speak. I have heard both good and bad things about both clomid and vitex, so who knows what caused the problem. I'm sorry it's still unresolved though! So nerve-wracking!!!

Where in Texas are you moving? I am a native Texan and have family all over the state since my family has been here since pre-civil war times. I can give you the lowdown on a bunch of different cities..and possibly even recs on doctors, depending where you are going. You can PM me if you don't want to say publicly. I hope you will be able to get some good health insurance with DH's job.

[LessTraveledBy]

Subbing.... I am reading everything but don't have much to say. I am still healing and mostly doing very well. We just spent a week with some close friends who have 4 kids. I was able to enjoy them all, even the youngest one, without thoughts of bitterness. I think that I am simply starting to truly accept that this is our family, accept to the point that the daily pain is now absent. Infertility testing will really start this month, I guess. Some bloodwork and an ultrasound, at least, and then we will go from there. At the moment I am thinking I may not take Clomid if they offer it. (That was one of the few things discussed earlier.) I do think I may have progesterone issues, although my luteal phases are not terrible. We will see. My body is not in such a good shape, in general, and due to hypo thyroidism, so I don't want to push things with Clomid without actually knowing what is going on.

We will be added to the list of available short term foster families in less than a week. We should expect a phone call 0-60 days after. So... we are turning the page with all this. I am very excited, a bit scared... I am thankful for the growth that has taken place in me and, especially, that I don't need to shelter myself all the time when I talk with people. You know, it has become more part of the story of our lives, more just a matter of fact sort of thing, that we have not been able to have more children. I am at peace, though, also with the idea that we could one day have another child, even with a huge gap between the two. I don't "feel" it happening, but I am open to whatever happens, to whatever way our family may grow... or not grow at all.

Please know that I understand that my experience is different than that of many here, as we already have a child, and one who is no longer very young. My need for a sibling for her was the strongest when she was still 5 and before that. Now I am simply thankful to be able to teach her something about babies by fostering. It will not be the same thing, at all, but it is something.

Milk8shake... I did not read your sad news until now. I am so sorry, Mama!

[Smilesarefree]

Sweetest - "I'm just trying to take care of myself and love my life as it is now..."  That is what I am trying to do as well. 

LTB - Been wondering about you...glad you are doing well, I am trying to get myself to the place where you seem to be, I think it's a long road though.

[sweetest77]

lilmom - have you ever had bw to check for thyroid antibodies?  You might want to ask the Dr. to check those too.  It took me three years to get my thyroid disease diagnosed... my numbers were always within range.  The third time I was tested the Dr. checked my antibodies and was able to diagnose my Hashimoto's disease.  My TSH was only 3.5 at the time, so she probably would have told me everything was fine if she hadn't checked for antibodies...  My first year on thryoid hormones my TSH was well below 1 and I was feeling great, but for the last two years my TSH has been fluctuating between 2 and almost 4 (in the normal range) and I have felt like crap a lot of the time.   I really believe that the "normal" range doesn't apply when you have autoimmune thyroid disease...

LTB - so glad to hear things are going well for you!  Keep us posted!

AFM - I'm somewhere in the TWW (CD 17) - I'm not temping or OPKing anymore so I don't really know where I'm at which helps me be more zen about the whole thing.  I just found a great Dr. who believes my thyroid is being undertreated and is willing to try me on natural thyroid hormones.   He also wants me to try natural progesterone rather than the synthetic I've been on.  He seems fairly certain that my thyroid could be a big factor in my infertility and my luteal phase spotting...  I hope he's right and that he can help get me balanced (and pregnant)!

[lilmom]

Originally Posted by sweetest77 

lilmom - have you ever had bw to check for thyroid antibodies?  You might want to ask the Dr. to check those too.  It took me three years to get my thyroid disease diagnosed... my numbers were always within range.  The third time I was tested the Dr. checked my antibodies and was able to diagnose my Hashimoto's disease.  My TSH was only 3.5 at the time, so she probably would have told me everything was fine if she hadn't checked for antibodies...  My first year on thryoid hormones my TSH was well below 1 and I was feeling great, but for the last two years my TSH has been fluctuating between 2 and almost 4 (in the normal range) and I have felt like crap a lot of the time.   I really believe that the "normal" range doesn't apply when you have autoimmune thyroid disease...

LTB - so glad to hear things are going well for you!  Keep us posted!

AFM - I'm somewhere in the TWW (CD 17) - I'm not temping or OPKing anymore so I don't really know where I'm at which helps me be more zen about the whole thing.  I just found a great Dr. who believes my thyroid is being undertreated and is willing to try me on natural thyroid hormones.   He also wants me to try natural progesterone rather than the synthetic I've been on.  He seems fairly certain that my thyroid could be a big factor in my infertility and my luteal phase spotting...  I hope he's right and that he can help get me balanced (and pregnant)!

Sweetest, I really think the whole normal range for thyroid is a joke. I think it is very different for every person. I consistently test around 2.5 or 2.6 but I feel like garbage alot, just very tired. And I also put on 30 pounds in 2 yrs, for no apparent reason, and I can't get it off. I eat healthier than anyone I know. So, that is a great idea to check for thyroid antibodies. I will look into that for sure. Thank you! My mom has also tested normal but had obvious issues with hers until she got a doctor to just give her meds and it helped her immensely. I really hope your new doc can help you out!

I wonder if my new doc is going to be hardcore against anything natural..my guess is yes. Sigh. But a girl can hope..if he puts me on progesterone I want the natural stuff. Anyway, hope you get balanced and pregnant soon!

LTB- so excited for you that you are doing well and that you are almost there as far as the fostering! You will have a baby in your arms soon. SO wonderful! And what a great thing you are doing, helping those little ones. I bet DD is going to be excited too.

[LessTraveledBy]

Originally Posted by sweetest77 

 I just found a great Dr. who believes my thyroid is being undertreated and is willing to try me on natural thyroid hormones.   He also wants me to try natural progesterone rather than the synthetic I've been on.  He seems fairly certain that my thyroid could be a big factor in my infertility and my luteal phase spotting...  I hope he's right and that he can help get me balanced (and pregnant)!

If you are on medication, and yet with a TSH of 2 or 4, I absolutely think you are not on enough medication. I take Erfa's thyroid (like Armour, but Canadian) and the way I feel good is to have my tsh something like 0.001 and my T4 a bit low. (It is a storage hormone, so I basically only look at ftee t3 to see how I am doing.) Interestingly, my mom has a friend who was hypo and infertile until they gave her progesterone. Somehow low progesterone seems to be linker with hypo thyroidism, so I have wondered if that could be my issue, also.

Originally Posted by lilmom 

LTB- so excited for you that you are doing well and that you are almost there as far as the fostering! You will have a baby in your arms soon. SO wonderful! And what a great thing you are doing, helping those little ones. I bet DD is going to be excited too.

Thank you. It still seems totally unreal. Yet, more than likely we will have someone new here within a month. Yet, we never know beforehand who and for how long. Exciting, nevertheless.

[Calycanth]

Coming out of lurker mode to say hello to everyone.  Sorry I haven't been more active.  DH is out of town until September 9, so I've been taking a break from everything related to TTC.

Hugs to Sourire and MonkeyScience (and anyone else who's about to reach a TTC milestone).  I was a wreck when we hit the one-year mark in March.  Sourire, I hope you're able to enjoy your anniversary.  Do you have anything special planned?

LTB, that's exciting news!  I hope you get a placement soon.

Not much to report here - just waiting for DH to return from Alaska, at which point we'll resume our baby-making activities.  We're also planning to see my midwife when he gets back in hopes that she can help us figure out why I'm not getting pregnant.  I saw an OB/GYN a couple of weeks ago.  After spending all of five minutes with me, she essentially told me to go home and keep trying.  Wow, thanks.  Hopefully my MW will be a little more proactive.

[objet_trouve]

Stopping in briefly to say AF started yesterday, while I was on the other side of town, at my mom's house and while completely not ready for it It seems it was just waiting for the most inconvenient time possible. So I'm just going to continue taking this, in hopes that it's all just trying to level out, or perhaps I was more stressed out this cycle or didn't take the vitex consistently enough or maybe the clomid was affecting me months after taking it, like one of my friends suggested. I don't know. We'll see.

Also lilmom- We're moving to Austin. We've both had family in Texas for multiple generations, and most of my friends moved there upon moving out after high school. I've been there a few times now, and I really like it there. I spent my teenage years in Abilene, and he grew up mostly in a small town outside of Lubbock.

[wissa19]

Sweetest,  lilmom  & LTB  - I've been easedroopping on your Thyroid issues.  Have either of you ever heard of Mary J. Shomon.  She has a book called "The Thyroid Hormone Breakthrough".  She talks alot abaout how up unitl recently most labs thought a TSH of up to 5 was normal, but it's not.  The new information says it should be below a 3 I think.  She also has a lot of info on getting and staying prego with Thyroid issues.  One thing I thought you guys might find interesting that her Endo thinks women should have a TSH of 1 or 2 to get prego (pg 165).  A friend of mind with Thyroid problems also said that her endo says what is normal one person may not be so for some one else.  --I think there are other tests like a T4 or T3 that might help diagnose when TSH is borderline???

lilmom -  Of course, it could just be low progesterone.  I have spotting around O and Af every cycle (ugghh).  When I took clomid I had the same issues and my progesterone was low (around 10) that month.