cbaa2010... Te whole mucus things is interesting to me. I used to have lots of egg white mucus, enough for some to hang down when going on the toilet. Then since giving birth 6,5 years ago, I have had very little, so that I can only notice things right at the cervix. BTW, eating carrots did not help with that. The past cycle and this one, I have had one noticable moment of more egg white, and then just had to go with the cervix sign and assume that I ovulate within about 3 days. The lack of mucus has been on my list of things that could be causing problems. My cervix does give me clear indications of what is going on, though, which is nice. I would imagine that the lack of mucus at least makes the fertile window shorter, as things can't live inside as long, then. Not sure, though, whether it matters much when things are timed right. (Just thinking of those "we dtd only once 6 days before ovulation and I got pregnant.")
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It has been three weeks since our last foster training and this morning I finally heard that the paperwork for us to sign should arrive today. After that we can start waiting for the first call. I am excited! We are no longer feeling the "it needs to happen, hopefully this time" when TTC, haven't been for some months. We do try to time things right, but my prayers have all been answered: I am at peace and pretty much just fine even if we never have another child. There are times it still hurts, but I no longer experience the bitterness, anger and jealousy that used to feel like a knife stabbed in me, all of a sudden or almost all the time. Now it is more like a silent little sadness that I get every once in a while. Only to such an extent, though, that I no longer need to hide away from situations or from talking about certain topics. The latest little sting that came without warning was when I took dd to the mother-daughter gym class. Dd is officially a year too old for the class, so I did not realize that the smaller the other kids, the more baby siblings there seem to be. You know, we don't know many 6 y olds with baby siblings but there are plenty of 3 and 4 year-olds with very small brothers or sisters.
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Since my bloodwork was ok, I am once again suspecting that we will be diagnosed with unexplained infertility. The doctors will simply do the normal things on their list, which only mean the SA, progesterone blood work, and the open tubes test. (Why can't I ever remember the name of that... hah.) After that, assuming dh's test is not to blame, I will be offered some monitored cycles of Clomid. Then that's it. I am ok with the infertility, but I am not ok with the lack of real effort to look at things creatively. I have felt like they had had not real interest in anything outside of their normal box. I know my body and would have tons of charts and all that... But there is no interest (or maybe not enough knowledge?) to do any sort of detective work. Immunological problems are among those that I will never find out about here, and we don't have the money to start shipping my blood to the other side of the world. I am not sure about how I feel about living with this without an answer. I think my peace is still somewhat dependent on really knowing that we can't conceive and why that is. E.g. I might like to think of long term fostering (if it is possible for us) if I knew that this was it.
