Bitter Sushi Ladies, August 2011 - Page 3

[toothfairy2be]

Hi everyone, I would like to join your group. I have been lurking on and off since I started on MDC in November. Every month I think about joining and then say to myself, "but what if this is the month & I'll feel so silly joining then getting a BFP." But as I round my 1 year milestone, I figure I could use more support as I start the infertility route, having had my first RE appt last Wednesday. I am 7 dpo now and have had light pink turned light tan CM since 2dpo, which will darken and get heavier until AF starts, due Monday. My TTC journey is fuzzy as we were 'NTNP' for a year- more like I was trying to DTD at close to when I thought O would be as possible, and DH thought we were preventing, until last Sept when our first well timed NTNP BDing ended in a BFN and we started really trying, with every other day BDing in Oct with charting and OPKs, visits to Acupuncture as well as months of herbs, massage, chiropractic, on and on and on, which have led me to my first RE appts. I've never had a miscarriage, I've never had a chemical, I've never had a pregnancy, ever, I ovulate every cycle (first annovulatory cycle was last cycle & lasted 22 days). I start spotting after O most months, for a while it lasted a day or 2 and then started 2 days before AF- just light. As my journey has progressed the spotting has increased, now starting a day or 2 after O and continuing until AF. I start my day 3 testing next Wednesday if AF shows on time (which she better since I leave for vacation later that day), followed by my HSG the following Wednesday. I have been interested in everyone input in that area (bloodwork, testing, etc). I haven't ventured into the infertility subforums- I am in denial (admittedly) and I want to believe the RE is going to magically cure something so we can have our baby. Thanks for listening, I am looking forward to getting to know everyone and offering mutual support in this journey, hopefully with a rewarding ending for us all.

[lilmom]

I'M SO UPSET!!! The ob.gyn's office called me today and told me they had to reschedule me because the Dr's daughter was in labor, and he will be off for a few days. Ok, I completely understand that part of it. But, they can't get me in again until Sept. 14th. So now I have to wait another month to even just go. I told the lady on the phone that I had been having some issues, spotting, etc and I really want to come in asap and she said since I am a new patient that is the absolute earliest. Before that she had tried to talk me into seeing the nurse practitioner, which they also tried to talk me into when I made the first appt. Sorry, but I really want to see the DOCTOR. So, that means I have to wait a month. Or I can go on the 7th and see the nurse practitioner. But I prefer to see the doctor. I already waited a month for this appt. Now, another month. So, 2 months past the time of my (i think) chemical..plus the spotting issue that has come up now. I just hate trying to get any help with this stuff in this town. It's so disheartening! I've never lived any place where I had so many problems with healthcare providers. Sorry for the rant, but I am super worried about what is going on with me. If there was another doctor I thought might be better, I would try that, but as it is, this is the only one who I haven't heard very negative things about, and the only one in town who will even talk about VBACs. So, I really want to see him. ACK! If I have any more spotting between now and then, I think I will call and BEG them to try to get me in. I hope that doesn't happen of course. Thanks everyone for the well wishes and encouragement to bring my charts though. I will definitely do that, when I do get to see the doc.

kparker- I would not be able to remain friends with such a toxic, inconsiderate person as your friend. I went through an incredibly difficult pregnancy with DS, but I did not complain to anyone other than my DH and my mom, truly. I just was soooo grateful to be pregnant, that 5 months on bedrest just had to be ok with me. All the pain and drama and the hard GD diet, I didn't care. Totally worth it. So, I would have zero stomach for your friend. Plus, she isn't acting much like a friend. The way she is treating you, is just unacceptable. She never should have mentioned the adoption as even an option unless she was going to go through with it, and for her to not consider your own painful journey while she is whining, I am sorry but NO. Just NO. I am sorry you have been dealing with that. I also hope this last IUI is the one for you. If not are you planning on pursuing adoption elsewhere?

cbaa- Welcome to our group and so sorry you are having troubles! That is ALOT of spotting you are having! I hope the RE will be the magic ticket! I also really get not going over to the infertility forums. I have lurked there only once or twice. It's been 2 years for me but I still prefer the BSL's, I guess partly because I haven't been where I could have great testing, but also because I'd rather not allow myself to label myself as infertile, if that makes sense. Just having trouble ttc sounds better to me and somehow keeps me more positive about the whole thing. I hope you get your BFP soon! Also, we have definitely had people that joined and got one right away. While it can be painful, I think everyone here knows that if someone joined here, they were struggling, and needed support, and it truly is ok for people to come and leave quickly. That's just where they were in their journey..we're all in different places. I hope your time here is short and that the RE can pinpoint what's wrong and help you fast.

[objet_trouve]

Quick question before bed...how do I know if my BBT thermometer is broken? Seems like my temperature has been 97.18 several days in a row now.

[LessTraveledBy]

Originally Posted by ISISandOSIRIS 

LTB ~ is there a way you can get the sample right before you get to the doctor's office, like in a private nearby parking lot? 

LOL... The hospital is located basically right downtown. Normally, they ask all the guys to produce a sample at home. In our case it is different (Catholic, so plenty of "we won't do it that way" sort of stuff).

Originally Posted by objet_trouve 

Quick question before bed...how do I know if my BBT thermometer is broken? Seems like my temperature has been 97.18 several days in a row now.

For me, it has been very typical to get the same temp some days in a row. I would take it as a good thing, if anything. (Assuming you temped at a round the same time each of those mornings.)

I felt pretty crazy last night after I had written here... all kinds of emotions about all this. Rationally, I know we need to wait and that we will be called when we are needed for a baby. Yet, I feel like "WHAT? We are just trying to help, and even then we have to waaaait." It makes no sense, but is very much my thought. Also,our social worker is on vacation, so we will get the papers in the mail "some time," and I bet that won't be until the end of the month. Now, I have a strong belief in that we will get the babies "meant for us" to look after. Yet, I have so many thoughts and emotions (now especially having to do with the laws compared to the practices of social workers) that I wish they offered each of us some time with a psychologist. (They don't.... They offer a whole lot more on paper than in reality, I think. They just don't have enough resources for anything. If they did, some of the kids would not end up needing foster care, that they quite clearly admit.) I am just fed up with a lot today to the point that I don't want to think of any of this, really. The endless waiting resembles infertility quite a bit. I suppose I do know that we will be looking after a baby, sooner or later. Yet, waiting is the name of this game, also. And after each placement, waiting, again, always for an unknown period of time.

[Smilesarefree]

cbaa - Welcome!!  Let me know what you would like your blurb to say and I will add you to the front page.  You do have a lot of spotting, hopefully that can be fixed quickly and easily and maybe that is your only issue!  I've never ventured to the infertility forums either, I just came right here, not sure if it is denial or that I found what I needed here, I prefer to believe the latter!

Lilmom - I feel your pain! I know what it is like to be looking forward to something like your apt and hopefully on the road to some answers be delayed, hopefully the month passes quickly for you.

[kparker]

She is a college friend, and was a realyl good one up until this current boyfriend of hers, whom is pretty uncool. He's made her less.. friendly? I don't know. We don't talk much as it is but now that's she's pregnant she's all up in my face (over the internet, I haven't seen her since my wedding, which she was in) asking pregnancy questions and talking about how much she hurts and is sick, etc.

I stopped logging into anything she can chat me with and I don't think she has a cell phone anymore, so it's only when I'm trying to talk to someone else that she finds me online and chats me. It's not often but when she does, it's always super irritating/painful. Ugh.

lilmom - if this IUI fails, I'm ready to quit like, entirely. No IUIs, no IVFs, no adoption, nothing. I quit. However we have a new donor lined up after this next IUI is over and the current donor is out,and the new donor is a known donor so cost will be reduced somewhat; still not sure if I want to keep trying though. I feel that maybe if I just stop, I can get over the kids thing and just be me. I know I won't be happy longterm but maybe I can find a place where I will be... settled. My husband is back on the fence about wanting kids anyway so oddly enough he's been the one pushing for the tests and the IUIs. He's so contradictory!

[TenzinsMama]

kparker, do you mind telling me a bit of history around your IUIs?  I'm looking at going down that road again, and I have a choice of Clomid and IUI, or do what our clinic calls Superovulation (this one with FSH, HGC trigger, u/s and blood lab monitoring)... or, go straight to IVF.  I find it's so hard to know how many times to try the IUI before moving on.  Everything seems to involve tough decisions!

[wissa19]

Sweetest -Thanks for advice about the anti-bodies...I just didn't get it before my appointment.  Oh well, I really do tend to think my problem is more on the PCOS side anyway.  Yes, Dr.'s can be so frustrating!! -- However, my Dr. today was pretty good and supportive.  He was actually encouraging me to try the inject-ables O drugs, but I just can't go there right now.

Lilmom - I hate that you had to re-schedule your appt.  That really must be any number of words (most of which would be inappropriate to say).  The 4 weeks wait to see the Dr. is why I changed Dr.'s.  Maybe the wait will be worth it for you.  :)   I don't think Dr.s are much concerned with spotting.  They just see it as some kind of hormone imbalance.  My last Dr. office told me "Well, you know the Dr. is very busy" when I asked about spotting.  I too would like to try for VBAC..I just hope the Dr. I have now is interested in trying when/if I get prego! 

Kparker - This "friend" of yours sounds very narcissistic.  I think your plan to avoid her spot on.  It's like she's using you make herself feel better about her "accident".  Maybe you should be upfront with her and say..."let me know if you change your mind about us adopting otherwise you are just making my stituation even worst.  I really wish you understood how special a new baby is!"    

Even though I have one kid, I have thought about adopting, but it would be incredibly hard for us because we already have one.  I'm not sure why people don't want to let people adopt who already have kids?   They just want to give me the hard to place to kids.  As a special needs teacher there is no way I can work all day with "hard to place" then come home to it. (Urrgsshh)   

I know how it feels to just want to quit trying especially when hubby is giving mixed singles.  However, I would tell you the advice I got today...Will you be able to live with it 10 years from now? 

LTB - My experience as a teacher has taught me the foster system is tough on those who care -- both children and adults!  Whenever, you get your 1st placement that child will so lucky to have a family that will actually care for it.   Just hang in there!  There are really are lots of children, who need a home.  :)

cbaa - Welcome.  Testing gets complicated.  Most RE's have some kind testing protocol they make all their patients do!  Unfortunately, that can vary from Dr. to Dr.  Your best bet is to get to know your body, so you can ask questions specific to your needs.  Hope your RE is able to help you quickly. :)

[LessTraveledBy]

Thanks, Wissa.

Kparker... Any chance this friend was very jealous when you got married and is now rubbing what you don't have and she does in your face? Either there are some hurst feelings and anger like that there, or she is totally clueless (meaning really dumb or somehow emotionally very troubled). I would vote that she has some reason that, at least somewhere deep inside, she is enjoying torturing you. Or maybe I am totally off, who knows.

I saw some really terrible parenting today. I notices that I still get angry, but not as much as I used to.

[toothfairy2be]

kparker- I'm not sure what kind of friend does that to another, but it seems like she is internally enjoying hurting you. I agree with wissa19, tell her if she changes her mine to please let you know, but for now you are stretched too thin emotionally to also bear her burdens. I hope that you have luck with your last IUI, my DH also is hesitant to say he wants a baby, but also says all the time how worried he is that something is wrong (well duh, after 2 years of possible pregnancies, I've thought this for a long time!)

LessTraveledBy- I'm Catholic, but I'm not sure where I find out what we are not supposed to participate in, I attend church faithfully, but they never discuss infertility protocol publicly, is there a place I can find out more before making the leap through testing? I feel so desperate at this point I'm not sure I could so no to anything they offer if it will give me a baby. I also see many examples of bad parenting, I hope that through fostering you can show children love who may otherwise be raised in families without.

lilmom- I hope they have a cancellation sooner and you can get in fast! Is this a RE or an OBGYN? When I went to see my OBGYN (all charts in hand) she basically said my insurance covers fertility & gave me a referral, no discussed whatsoever. My first RE appt I went again, all charts in hand, with explanations and dates and details, and he didn't even look at them. Basically he just said, these are options A, B & C, we will know more after your initial testing. Call on CD1, schedule first tests for CD3 and then HSG by CD12, we will schedule a follow-up after to discuss your results and choose a path. Seriously, all the medical questionairres were online so there was really no discussion, 2 week wait for an appointment and it lasted all of 15 minutes. I hope yours goes smoothly and they arrive at a treatment after your first go! I'm still waiting for CD1!

wissa19 & smilesarefree- thanks for the welcome- I also hope that the testing finds something conclusive that can be fixed swiftly! As for my blurb, TTC # 1 since Oct 2010 will be fine. I'm not sure what else to say about us yet, I guess if anything is diagnosed after my testing we can change it!

[lilmom]

OT- I've had the same temp several days in a row too. Your thermometer is probably not broken. I have even seen charts of others who had their temps flatline for weeks during an anovulatory cycle. So I wouldn't worry about it. I would keep the same thermometer through the end of this current cycle and then if you are still worried about it change bbt's then.

kparker- I don't blame you for feeling like quitting, esp. if DH is on the fence. But I do hope it still works out for you, with this IUI!

cbaa- this is an ob/gyn. There are NO RE's in the town I live in, and the closest ones are 3 hrs away. So, I'm stuck with it for the time being, until we move, which will be as soon as possible, but it depends on getting a new job, etc.

AFM, definitely did not O yet. Sigh.

[LessTraveledBy]

cbaa... I will PM.

[ISISandOSIRIS]

lilmom~ that's really annoying about the appointment.  Don't they understand time is of the essence in these situations  I agree you should wait it out for the doctor, NPs can't do anything but dispense meds ordered by a doc.  They can't diagnose, can't decide meds on their own (although that may vary by state)... definitely wait it out and hope for a cancellation.

OT~ I doubt your thermometer is broken, probably just stable temps. BUT, if you're in doubt, hold it up to a light bulb (like a kid trying to fake sick).  If it still says 97.1, then it's broken (keep in mind bbt only go up to 99.9, I believe).

AFM~ AF arrived last night.  Going away next week, so my consolation prize is I get to go on roller coasters and drink frozen margaritas... but as you ladies know, I would have gladly given that up for a bfp.  This also means I'm officially at 2 years ttc 

One more AF and I'm doing another IUI.  I'm actually looking forward to it 

[monkeyscience]

Quote:

Originally Posted by wissa19 

Even though I have one kid, I have thought about adopting, but it would be incredibly hard for us because we already have one.  I'm not sure why people don't want to let people adopt who already have kids?

I think a lot of it may have to do with the mistaken assumption, "They had one, they could have another of their own if they wanted." Also, although I totally get wanting more than one child (I would be very sad to end up with an only, though much happier than ending up with none!), I think many birth parents have the attitude of letting everyone have "firsts" before "seconds", which I can sympathize with. But there are probably birth parents out there that would love to know that their kid will have a sibling, too.

lilmom - That sucks about the doctor.  I think it's ridiculous that THEY are cancelling the appointment and aren't being more accommodating with the reschedule. Also, you'd think a doctor would actually WANT new patients.

Everyone else - Sorry for not as many personals. I'm having a hard time focusing right now. But best of luck to all of you!

AFM, I ordered a new computer online today, so I should have it by the middle of next week. I'm also having some positive things (not HPTs!) going on fertility-wise, but I'm going to wait a few more days until I share, just to be sure.

[TenzinsMama]

Hi all, I apologize in advance for not doing personals-- I'm running out the door in a few minutes to do some errands, but, I wanted to ask a question of those of you who have had HSGs... I had mine this morning, and with my left tube the dye spilled out no problem, but nothing came out the right.  The doc who did it said that it could be the result of it going into spasm.  With my first-ever HSG many years ago, I had a problem with spasm, and then 2 years ago when I had another one I recall the dye meeting up with resistance before it spilled out-- and I'm pretty sure it was that right side.  Maybe I'm just prone to spasm?  Has anybody else had this issue, and find out that their tubes are totally fine?  With 2 clear/normal HSGs before, and nothing that has come up that I know of to cause a blockage, surely it must be spasm?  I'm worried about this now... 

[Tara2]

Morning girls.

Not sure if my siggie is gonna show up here or not but I used to post here last year as Tara2

I have not been on here since last November. DH and I had been ttc for just over a year by the time I left. It has been a long time since I posted anywhere on Mothering but I recognize many of the names on the BSL list still, don't know if you'll remember me too? Just had to share with some ladies who'd understand, didn't want to post on the regular ttc forms or anything, but-- I totally cannot believe this--

I'm pregnant! It came as a complete surprise, I have to say, because we gave up ttc last december. In fact I was starting to feel like having more children would be insanity anyway, given our life circumstances. As far as I know, DH still has only about 1 mil total (last SA) count and most of those guys were poor swimmers. So I have no idea how it happened, but after nearly 2 years of dtd naturally, and usually in the most fertile time (and NADA!) I was totally convinced he was forever infertile.  I have to admit our reactions are not simple at this point, due to a lot of struggling financially, and I was only a couple months away from applying to my Phd programs. Now it's time to rethink a lot of plans!

Just wanted to share.

Oh one more thing though. Have been temping for about over a week, and have noticed the last 2 days temps are noticeably lower. Last 4= 99, 98.8, 98.3, 98.4 Worrying a bit here if it will keep dropping. 

[kparker]

TenzinsMama - IUIs, okay. To start with, my husband is sterile, so we are using a sperm donor. For what we've done, we've started on Clomid 50mg, ultrasound monitoring, and HCG trigger, then the donor insem and prometrium until blood test 2 weeks later. We have thought about doing different medications and the next step of IVF however if it comes down to it, we're not going to do IVF. If we still want kids and IUI doesn't work, we'll save that money and try to adopt. I'm supposed to have an HSG before the next IUI since the last 3 IUIs failed and they suspect something wrong with me as well, I hope mine turns out okay or at least reveals some good answers.

wissa19 - see I have an edge in adopting since we cannot reproduce on our own and we have no kids. I still think it's sad that there is a bias like that. I wouldn't mind some minor special needs, more on the physical side, but to be sadly honest I have worked in daycare and camps with special mental needs children and I don't think I could handle that at home nonstop :( It makes me feel like a jerk but I know my limitations and wouldn't want to have any resentment towards a child I worked so hard to get in the first place. So I'm limited too because the "perfect" babies are adopted instantly, so I can wait forever or I can be happy with whatever baby I can get - which it looks like we might have to just do, based on current luck.

No, I wouldn't be able to live with it 10 years from now. Or 5, or even 1. I would always be sad that I closed such a chapter in my life, if I truly gave up.

LTB - she's probably just naive and selfish, not understanding just how it's affecting me. I would at least hope that's the case, I guess I really don't know. I haven't talked to her that much in recent years since she got back together with this scumbag boyfriend.

Well, whiny friend issues aside, I talked to my known donor yesterday in the event we move on after the 4th IUI and use him, and he's okay with however we wish to proceed. I had brought up with him doing testing (semen analysis, STDs, blood typing etc) that we would pay for, and then doing the inseminations privately vs through the doctors, and he doesn't care one way or the other. I know some women on here somewhere years ago talked about having their spouses "donate" into something like a diva cup and then putting that in  for lazy's sake, for TTC; it was brought up to me again by someone else when I mentioned having a known donor. I'm not sure how awkward that might be, but the thought of NOT spending $1200+ a month seeing an RE sure does sound nice.

I'll keep my fingers crossed for you, Tara2! Grats!

[LessTraveledBy]

Well, since I have "reported" everything possible here for along time, I feel like I need to post this also.... I have not looked at FF carefully for months. I just did and was quite surprised: I have always had cycles that were around 29-31 days long, as long as I can remember, but they were never like clockwork, as far as I can remember. When I fist came here, I used to have cramps throughout the TWW, which I was able to decrease by using progesterone cream. After I started to accept our situation more, my prayer became that the cramps, pain on cd one and other mentally and physically painful reminders would be removed. This is exactly what has happened. I still have a lack of fertile mucus, but at least the rest of the cycle also goes by almost unnoticed.

I just realized that, while the cramps and other nastiness has disappeared, my cycle has become just about like clockwork:

Oct 31 days

Nov 31

Dec 35 (on progesterone cream)

Jan 35 (on progesterone cream)

March, beginning 27

March, end 27

April 27

May 29

June 27

July If AF arrives tomorrow, it will be another 27

What's interesting about these 27 day cycles is that I think each of them shows a luteal phase defect. Now, I have not managed to get pregnant in the past 3.5 years, no matter what my cycle was like, so the idea of having a luteal phase defect is probably not all that helpful, really. Yet, it was fascinating to see how regular my body has managed to be, without ever once being pregnant since the birth of our dd 6.5 years ago. I feel thankful. If I can't have a baby, at least I have a predictable, painless cycle and, I suppose, this 27 day thing will also help the doctors to schedule things for the correct days. I have been so disappointed with my body with a broken thyroid and the extra weight it keeps hanging on to, that it is wonderful that it can at least keep a steady cycle, even with the short luteal phases. If my mom had not had her period way past 55, I would be wondering if this might be the beginning of the end.

Anyway, I am not trying to depress those with long and difficult cycles. Obviously, mine has been of little use to me for years, now, regular or not. In any case, I am so thankful that I can sit here and write all this without frustration and pain. This is how it is, part of the story of my life and our secondary infertility.

[lilmom]

Tara2!- CONGRATS!!! I will pray that this is a sticky baby!!! That is so awesome that it happened so unexpectedly for you.

Isis- So sorry about AF. I can definitely understand looking forward to IUI. I have a feeling I will be looking forward to one one day myself. Also, sorry it's been 2 yrs. I just passed that milestone recently too and it is no fun. I hope we both have successful pg before 3.

Wissa, kparker, and monkey-Count me in as another person who thinks the rules for adoptions are miserable. I really hate that if we get to the point of adoption, having one child already means that our chances of getting a baby without special needs is going to be very difficult. And the age limits..while I understand it..stink for me personally. Actually, this whole thing is just so difficult. I hate that we are all going through these struggles. It's one of the things in life i find to be the very least fair...people who desperately want babies and would be excellent parents have trouble, while others who don't want them can (and do) have them quickly, easily, and even accidentally.

LTB- That is very interesting about your cycles. I wonder why they shortened? Hmmm. I know what you mean about feeling so disappointed in your body with all of the issues..thyroid, the weight..I am in the same boat. This extra 30 pounds I can't lose is doing me no favors, I'm sure. And my thyroid, who knows..plus PCOS...plus the crazy long cycles..I just feel so frustrated with my body, all the time. I try to let it go. I try to also remind myself that I was a preemie baby, and I am very blessed just to be alive, just to be as healthy as I am, and to have had one child. But it hasn't stopped me from wanting more, and I don't think I will ever stop wanting more from my body and more children. I hope you get to have a little baby in your arms soon with the foster system though!

[toothfairy2be]

Congrats Tara2- Yay for unexpected miracles.

LTB- I don't know about the shortened cycles, I haven't been here long enough to know if you chart or use OPKs or anything, but is it possible you just have been ovulating earlier? I hate the idea of LPD because it seems like there isn't much to do to fix it. They say B6 helps, but for me that just made it 2 days longer with more days of spotting.