Originally Posted by Abarat
I think most of my hesitation is that I'm used to being so productive around the homestead and that will be difficult. But these boys really feel like they belong here. They go back to their foster mom tomorrow night and I hate for them to go. They had a visit with their mom today and I was really ready for them to get back, it feels like they're mine, if that makes sense. The more I think about it the more my heart jumps in and wants to make the decision for me. :-)
Abarat--I would realllllly think this through and not just with your heart. I am not an adoptive parent though one day plan to be one. I did however, work in foster care and adoption for years. I have seen an awful lot of foster parents and pre-adoptive parents who felt strongly in their hearts that certain kids "just belonged" with them, only to see everything turn to chaos weeks or months later. Good people, loving and caring people, with good intentions, but who didn't grasp how much foster parenting would change their lives and were unprepared for the sacrifices they would have needed to make to make things work out.
There are lots of mamas on MDC who are incredible parents and who have wonderful adoption and fostering stories. I think it is really easy to encourage others to jump in, follow their heart, etc., when an opportunity like this comes up because it is exciting in so many ways, both for your family, and for these kids to have the chance to be in a stable home. But, unless you are 110% sure that you *will* make this work, I would not accept the placement. I have seen it from the other side far too many times, especially with initial placements with families who haven't foster parented before. There are a million reasons for a placement to disrupt that nobody can predict. If managing to homeschool and parent two little ones seems like it is going to be too much, don't push yourself. Wait for a placement that you are certain you can handle. Too many kids end up bouncing from one home to the next to the next to the next. I've had four year olds who have had literally a dozen placements. I don't have to tell you how damaging that is. There will almost undoubtedly be issues that come up with these kids that require more time and energy than parenting a child who hasn't experienced so much grief and loss in their little lives. It isn't necessarily at all like just birthing three kids in five years... There is plenty of trauma that comes along with being separated from one's birth mother and now, bounced out of their current foster home. My last year working in adoption, I had three separate parents end up in in-patient psych in the hospital from the sheer stress of adding to their family and not being able to meet the needs of their kids.
I don't want you to think I am telling you not to do it. There may always be some hesitation with a placement and that is okay. I am just saying to think long and hard about whether or not you can really commit to these kids and how you are going to feel if and when your homeschooling plans don't go anything like what you planned because there are two more little people in the house needing a whole lot from you. There could end up being a lot of resentment if you're not able to do what you had planned. On the other hand, if you are okay with expecting the unexpected, and are certain you can commit to these children, I would go for it. But I would be very careful. Losing a foster parent can be just as traumatic for some kids as being separated from their birth parents and that is something to have in mind going into this. Good luck with whatever you decide. I am sure you will make the right decision for your family whether it is this sibling pair or another child that you end up foster parenting.