Dear Helicopter Mama,
- I have compassion for what you saw and how hard it must be to differentiate from real danger and the awful possibilities of pain, injury, and suffering you witnessed.
- You are right to recognize that your son must be allowed to discover his environment, develop his ability to navigate and rely on his own ability and assessment of the situation. Children who are always caught sometimes push the boundary further than another child who is left to discover the consequences (within reason) on their own.
- I would suggest a REI class for developing this aspect of child autonomy; the REI school of thought places an emphasis on letting the child discover their own relationship with the swing, the climbing structure, the slide, etc.
- I would suggest you undertake some sort of therapy to release this trauma; it sounds as if you are suffering from a level of post-traumatic-stress, which is rendering you unable to be in the present moment with the appropriate response.
- In the meantime, you are going to have to work very hard on compartmentalizing what you saw with what is in reality now in front of you. I would suggest a mindfulness practice to help bring you fully into the present moment; the body scan and other exercises from mindfulness meditation work train your attention to be truly in the moment and this helps you release fear from the past and projection into the future.
- As to what is the appropriate line; this is a matter of personal journey and discovery for you and every parent. Parents have different comfort levels with perceived danger and there are different schools of thought. Some parents want to avoid all risk and seek to provide an environment with this in mind while others encourage a child to get to take their experiences to the edge. Both schools of thought have the child’s ultimate safety in mind; one believes they will tell the child what is safe and another believes they will guide the child to discover the necessary limits by a level of natural consequence, and this child will learn to keep himself safe.
Much love and respect for your forthrightness in addressing this issue. Your son will benefit by your continued investigation and release of misplaced fear.
Yours,
Jessica
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