Originally Posted by nursingmommaof2
just because in your 30s or 40s you can look back at your school life and say that never having anything new never bothered you does not mean that it will not bother the OPs daughter right now as she is living it. I was one of those kids who never had anything new because of rigid ideals held by my parents, and I don't remember wonderful values being passed down, I remember being left out as all the other kids talked about what toys they had or what tv show was on last night or the movie they saw on the weekend.
I was also a child who didn't get things because of my parents values (they are fundy Christians and viewed pretty much everything as sin). When I left home, I went completely wild. I eventually calmed down. As a parent, I left my kids make as many choices as possible with their own lives.
There are so many things that as adult I just don't care about that my kids do (like technology), and I respect their right to feel how they feel and have some control over their lives.
Originally Posted by loraxc
To clarify a little--this doesn't seem to be a huge deal with DD yet, but it is on her radar. I have heard her complain about bedtimes, about ear piercing/nail polish (I have issues with girls being sexualized too soon, which is why I don't like polish, but I guess silly colors on her toes will work for me), about her lunch not being cool and so nobody wants to trade with her, and about not having an electronic device/iPod. None of these things seem to cause her major trauma (and she is a drama queen, so trust me, I would know), but she's aware of it.
Uh, whoa! She doesn't even know that other Wii games exist and hasn't asked for any. She really likes WiiFit! just know this will come up and she will eventually become aware of more games. We actually bought the Wii for the grown-ups as a fitness tool, though.
I don't think that nail polish or earrings are sexual, at all. Not one bit.
For many years, my kids favorite way to wear polish was something like bright green polish with bright blue dots. (made by using a tooth pick). It was silly, fun, whimsical, etc., but pretty seriously NOT sexy!
My deal with earrings was that the needed to be old enough to really understand what they were getting into -- the pain, care, commitment. One of my DDs still doesn't have pierced ears, the other got her ears pierced at about 7 or 8. For a long time, all her earrings were shaped like animals -- horses, cats, starfish, even some jelly fish. Then she went through a stage where all earrings matched clothes. She liked packets of earrings where you get like 12 pair that all look the same except for color, and she liked to coordinated them with what she was wearing. Daisy earrings every day in a different color are NOT sexy.
I misunderstood you on the Wii. I thought it was an issue. For us, the Wii was purchased for family fun and we sometimes all play together on "family game nights." (sometimes we play boards games or card games instead).
Originally Posted by MamaMunchkin
I guess just like with yours, it's not a problem yet - but DD's starting to notice. So far, we haven't budged yet because it looks like it'll be a slippery slope - where and how do you draw the line where/when to budge or not?
For me, it's been about getting clear in my own head about *why* I'm saying yes, no, or later to something. There are so many things that I say yes or later too. For me, the bottom line is that some day my kids will be making ALL their own choices, and that I'm constantly teaching them *how* to make those choices. I'm totally fine with making choices just because something is fun. Fun is good.
I'm also fine with using my veto power on stuff that I think will actually be bad for them or for my relationship with them. TVs in their room have fallen into that category for me.
I'm fine with telling them that I need to think about something. They know that means that I'm really thinking about it, not just delaying saying no.
One of the things I want to raise my children with is the sense of their own power. I believe that if I told my kids "no" about everything they suggested, they wouldn't realize how much power they have to create the lives they really want.
I don't feel like listening to my kids and allowing them some reasonable control over their lives has been a slippery slope. I feel like it's been a gradually process of letting them figure out what works for them and why.
I also know that if a kid is told "no" enough times, they will eventually quit asking. Not because they don't still want it, but because they know the answer. My kids don't ask about TVs or computers in their bedrooms anymore.
Originally Posted by hippiemombian
Give her a "cool" snack so she has something to trade at school, just because you don't pack her "bad" food doesn't mean she can't get it at school.
....she may start to act out in other ways to feel accepted..... I would suggest figuring out what deep down is important to you. And all the other stuff find a way to give a little to your DD.
I agree. I think that letting her pick a snack to include in her lunch will tell her that you hear her and care about how she feels, but it isn't going to ruin all the hard work you've done to instill eating habits. She doesn't even want to eat it. She wants something that other kids will eat -- she wants to be part of a social interaction at lunch time.
I agree about figuring out what is actually important to you, and what isn't. You've lumped an amazing amount of stuff into one group. Some of it I was OK with at 7, some of it I was OK with at an older age, and some of it ain't never gonna happen at my house.