Car accident -> medication -> forced weaning of 2.5 yr old

[LROM]

Hi all, I just thought I'd share my current story/situation of having to wean my 2.5 yr old following a car accident last week.  1st off I'm so grateful she wasn't in car and that I was not badly injured, especially considering the other car hit me right at the driver side door.  I'm really just sharing this as an FYI but I also welcome any comments or advice.

So dd is 2.5 yrs old, and we nightweaned her at about 18 months but I'd travelled a lot recently with her and to avoid her waking everyone up in the various friends' houses we stayed in (and because we were cosleeping while travelling), I went back to letting her nurse through the night as well as during the day.  She's in daycare so usually she only nurses mornings, at pick up, some in the eve and definitely before bed.  Then on this trip since we were together 24/7 it got more frequent all around. 

We had just re-night-weaned her (a cruel process for all involved, but I didn't know how else to do it), and she was getting back into the "not asking for boobies during night" groove when this accident happened.

So now I am taking a muscle relaxer that there is no info on re: effects on breastfeeding, so I had to suddenly wean dd.  The accident happened in the early afternoon, and I was in the emergency room until evening.  When dh picked me up with dd, I explained to dd what had happened (she could see it in my face since I looked like I'd been boxing with Muhammed Ali - swollen, cuts, burns, etc) but explained about the huge boo boo I'd gotten and that the car had a really really big boo boo.

Dd seemed to understand in theory when I told her that tonight would be our last night of BF, and she even was able to talk back about it "So no more nanas... because you have a boo boo... and doctor gave you medicine."  So she definitely got the idea of it.

We nursed that night and she even interrupted it and just pointed to her bed, didn't even fall asleep on the boob, which suprised me.  I put her to bed, she went to sleep, and I took my first dose of meds.

Since then it seems that outside of our regular nursing times she's been fine.  It's only upon wake up, and upon pick up mostly that she totally melts down.  I now prepare a bottle of warm cow milk (with a little maple syrup to sweeten it to be more like BM) for her when it's bedtime and she kind of fusses but that's doing the trick to get her to sleep.  But wake up and pick up is so hard for both of us, she melts down and I comfort her as best I can.

One interesting effect is that now when she realizes she can't nurse, she calls for Daddy, who is THRILLED to now actually be who she asks for in distress!  She doesn't want to be around me at those moments, I guess it's too hard.  It breaks my heart, but I am so proud of how she kind of works through her distress and then calms down, drinks a bottle, and eventually gets back to her regular self.

For the last few days she often asks to see my nanas, and asks to touch, then says "but I can't eat... because the doctor gave you medicine, and they're very SPICY!"  Since she doesn't like spicy food, I guess she's decided that the worst thing that could happen to BM is that it be spicy, and that's what mine must be, so that's why she can't drink.  I go along with that "Yes, VERRRRY spicy!" and I'm just so proud of how she's working it through.

Breaks my heart to have to end it, and especially so suddenly, but since I've been trying to wean and talking to her about it for awhile now (mostly to the effect of her nursing MORE!), I was losing my will to do it and didn't think I could handle cold turkey.  But now I'm wondering if this isn't what was best for her and I?  Of course it helps to have this external reason (accident, visible injury, medicine) but it seems like the slow way would have really done us in?

Oh well, no going back now, no way to tell... this is just how it worked out.

Just thought I'd share the story, and also say it's been a JOY to nurse her this long, wish it could go longer, but she's a trooper.

Any thoughts or advice or questions are welcome!

[abiyhayil]

  it's bittersweet, but she sounds like a real trooper, and you too! 

[blessedwithboys]

Did you look your med up on infantrisk.org?  Did you ask your doctor for a BF-friendly med?  Is this a med that is routinely Rx to children?  It may not be the least bit dangerous to your dd.  The amount in your milk may be so miniscule that it's no problem to keep nursing.  I mean, csec mamas get put on morphine and still nurse!

How long are you going to be taking this med?  Why couldn't you go back to nursing after you're done taking it?

Maybe you wanted to wean cold-turkey...I don't know.  But if you didn't, you still have plenty of time to work it out.

[LROM]

That infantrisk site is really good, but it didn't have anything on either of the 2 drugs I'm taking that I'm concerned about.  In terms of what I really wanted, for me personally, I didn't want to end BF.  And dd definitely wasn't weaning herself, so she didn't seem ready to end either.  But for my family overall, dh's feelings about the continued breastfeeding and his beliefs about the impact on her bahevior (towards him and towards me), it was feeling time to wean anyway.  I just didn't have the heart to do it.

But if I find out that none of these drugs are causing a problem, I may still try to get her back on.  I'll keep reasearching.

Thanks for the site!

And thanks for your comment abiyhayil!

[blessedwithboys]

Call the infant risk center directly, like now.  Give them the name of your meds and ask them for any info they may have that has not been posted.  Ask them for the class of the medications, and a list of similar drugs that are documented as safe for BFing.  Then call your doctor to ask for a new Rx to be called in.  Don't cave when they question why you're nursing a 2 yo.

And tell your husband he can decide when to end nursing when milk starts squirting out of his nipples!  :)

That is if you want to keep nursing.  If you really don't want to, then congrats on making it so far and best wishes!

[foreverinbluejeans]

If it really is breaking your heart you can breastfeed. The stimulation will bring your milk back in. There is a list of the few drugs that can't be taken while breastfeeding on the AAP web site. None of them are muscle relaxants. Women take pain meds all the time after c-sections while breastfeeding. I wouldn't let a misinformed doctor stop my nursing relationship with my child.

[CheriK]

Yes, exactly what blessedwithboys said.  If you are satisfied with weaning and feel that it's okay for you and your daughter, then I'm so glad it's gone this smoothly.  It sounds like you were really ready to wean, and perhaps this gave you permission to feel okay about it.  Nursing is a relationship and it needs to work for both mom and child.

But, it is ALMOST NEVER necessary to wean to take medications. Certainly not minor injuries. 

Besides the resources listed below, you can always contact your child's pediatrician, who is likely to be more informed about medication use in breastfeeding mothers.  Or post the meds here; many of the women on this site have copies of Hale's Medications and Mother's Milk and could look them up for you, but calling Infantrisk will get you the information faster.  

Originally Posted by blessedwithboys 

Call the infant risk center directly, like now.  Give them the name of your meds and ask them for any info they may have that has not been posted.  Ask them for the class of the medications, and a list of similar drugs that are documented as safe for BFing.  Then call your doctor to ask for a new Rx to be called in.  Don't cave when they question why you're nursing a 2 yo.

And tell your husband he can decide when to end nursing when milk starts squirting out of his nipples!  :)

That is if you want to keep nursing.  If you really don't want to, then congrats on making it so far and best wishes!

[maeve13]

Thank you for sharing your story, and best wishes for a full recovery.

Heartbreaking to wean suddenly, but you seem to have much clarity and also peace in your decision. As several friends have been telling me recently, weaning can be heartbreaking no matter the circumstances or timing involved. But what a wonderful memory and shared history you both have.

If you could also share, was it physically difficult to wean so suddenly? Anything special you did to help discomfort, if you had any? And was there a hormonal shift and/or emotional change that you noticed as well? (Due to a medical diagnosis, I must wean my 3.3 year-old soon, and am thinking cold turkey might be the best way.)

Take care.

[LROM]

I can't speak as much to the possibility of hormonal shifts/emotional changes, because the car accident was such a major thing to process (physically, mentally and emotionally), I'm not sure I can distinguish what was car accident and what was cold turkey weaning.

I can definitely tell you that the most difficult thing (and this definitely had major impacts on my emotions) was how mad DD was at me, like for about 4 or 5 days straight every time of day that would usually be a routine nursing (waking, pick up from daycare, and before bed especially), she just totally melted down and screamed for daddy, wouldn't let me hold her, etc.  When daddy was around, it wasn't as extreme, but when he wasn't, she was inconsolable.  It literally broke my heart.

That said though... and I think I said it in this thread but maybe not... I called the same infant/toddler sleep psychologist who helped us through nightweaning 2.0 and was trying to set up a phone consult with her over DD's behavior (she would be inconsolable and screaming/crying for longer periods than I'd ever seen before) and the therapist's suggestion was that I give her a couple more weeks and if she was still acting like that, then have the consult, because at the stage we were at, she said it all sounded quite normal.  Even though it was so hard, I was relieved to hear she wasn't at all alarmed.

And sure enough, probably 3 days after she said this, DD wound down the emotions around it significantly.  It was interesting, she NEVER asked to nurse or said she missed nursies or anything.  Sometimes she'd instinctively go for my shirt, then stop, and either look sad or get sad,but she was recovering faster and faster each time.

And we were working towards full weaning before the accident, talking about it and I was working on cutting out the daycare pick up nursing session, and I can tell you it was looking to be a LONG, really difficult process.  It seemed like talking to DD about it and about a timeline just made her more frantic.  Like if we were in public and she asked to nurse, before I started trying to do the slow wean if I wanted her to wait for more privacy or for me to finish somethng, she was cool.  But after the weaning talk, she'd totally freak out at a no, even if I just said "Just wait a sec".  So I was seriously starting to worry that it would be unbearable and I'd give up early in trying.

So even though cold turkey was sooo hard for like 1 1/2 weeks, I really think it was best.  It's taken about 4 weeks for her to seem to be fully back to herself, not mad at me, not needing distance from me at nursing times.  But it was about 1/1/2 weeks of the worst part.

And... for the last 1 1/2 weeks, she's been SLEEPING THROUGH THE NIGHT FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER!  She'd sleep through every couple of nights, and then wake a couple times other nights.  This last week was the first full week of every single night sleeping through, and sleeping for LONGER too.  She seems to feel better when she wakes, is usually in a great mood, and I am convinced it was the right thing to do and cold turkey was the way to do it. 

But be prepared for it to be heartbreakingly emotional.

Re: physical, I think I only pumped twice in that 1st week of cold turkey, and that was it.  No pain, no major tenderness... and we were nursing a good amount on days when we were together all day up until the wean.  That all probably varies from mommy to mommy and boob to boob though...

Hope I answered your questions, feel free to ask more!