There have been plenty of threads about my MIL over the past few years that show her... ahem..... issues. I won't go over all of them again but I will say that I've mentioned in plenty of those threads that I think there's something serious going on (bipolar maybe?). There's issue after issue after issue with her, and nothing is ever good enough. FIL was in denial for the past few years and refused to talk to her dr or even MIL about the change in her behavior. I'm finally at the point where I pretty much try not to interact with her (especially without dh and/or FIL around). I don't answer my phone when she calls (so she leaves passive-aggressive messages instead ) and I leave the doors locked and alarmed when I'm home without dh (and don't answer them if she knocks). I pretty much let dh deal with her and stay out of it (this is just in the last couple weeks, after she really overstepped the boundaries and pissed me off).
A couple days ago, dh mentioned to his parents that we had gone to look at the hospital that we're going to deliver at. Because of how it's set up (and our preferences) we won't be having any visitors during labor/delivery. When we get moved to a new room, MIL and FIL will be able to see the baby (after ds has had a chance to see the baby and I and spend some time as our new family). MIL totally flipped out. Apparently she had this vision in her head that she was going to be in the room with me during the labor and delivery. Uhhhh..... fat chance in h*ll of that ever happening. I would rather birth alone in a walmart bathroom than have my MIL anywhere near me during labor/delivery.
So, fast forward to today. FIL had a talk with dh (they work at the same company so they sometimes are able to grab lunch together or whatever). Apparently MIL has been talking about suicide lately. FIL admitted to dh that he knows there's been huge problems for the last few years (getting worse all the time) and that he's been setting up therapy for the two of them for quite awhile, but MIL keeps refusing to show up to the appointments. FIL also told dh that he called MIL's dr to let them know about the suicide threats and see what they can do to get her help.
So, the question now is, how do I stand my ground and keep my boundaries up, without pushing MIL any closer to her threats? I don't want to coddle her and agree to letting her in the room during labor/delivery (thus sacrificing MY ideal birth and all MY boundaries), but if she does have some sort of mental illness then I don't want to do anything to push her to hurt herself, ya know.
On that same note, dh and I were actually planning on sitting down with MIL/FIL and letting them know the plans/expectations for labor/delivery/recovery and for when we get back home (as far as when they can visit, etc). DH only told her a small part (that she won't be in the room during labor/delivery), but there are many more boundaries that we have decided to put in place (such as visits in the hospital will be limited- no staying all day long, visits at our house are okay, but will be somewhat limited (again- no staying all day), no calling me during the day while ds is at school because that's MY rest time, etc). So, do we still do this? How? When?
Before we found out about MIL's recent talks, dh and I had already decided that we will not be leaving her alone with either of the kids anymore. She's just too unstable. This is not something that we plan on telling MIL, it's just what we'll do.