My 20 year old son moved in with my husband and me, and expects the world, with no rules.

[Lady Di]

My son (middle school age) decided to live with his father, this was approximately in 2003.  Now, over many years, (he is 20 now) he has decided that he would be happier here, with my husband and myself.  Before he moved here, I told him there would be rules to follow...he has ignored them now that he has a job.  It is not a full time job, which gives him plenty of free time to hang out with his brother-in-law and other friends.  My son and his brother-in-law, along with other friends, seem to think that smoking pot is okay.  In our house, it is not okay until marijuana is legal.

I do not yell or scream at him, but trying to get my son to understand what his actions will do in the long run is difficult for me.  His brother-in-law lost his job because of pot.  My daughter is the only worker in that household and they are expecting a child in October.  What scares me, is that it reminds me of how it all started with the father of my daughter and son.

I need advice and guidance to help motivate my son.  He can be quite volatile, so I have to judge the right time to talk to him, which is my problem.  I do know that if he is tired I let him be, he's like me in that way.  I just don't know the right words. 

[Lady Di]

Well I should have read more of the posts here.  It's mostly for new moms.  I'm 50!!

[snguyen]

Moms of all ages (with kids of all ages) are welcome!  You might get a better response to this if you post it in the Parenting forum rather than MN-WI.  Your predicament is not peculiar to the upper Midwest.    Good luck.