I'm not sure where else to put this, but I wanted to hear from you mammas, how do you make friends? And once you have friends, how do you keep them? How do you be a good friend that people want to be friends with?
I always felt like I had a lot of friends growing up. I was thin, fairly attractive and very easy going. I was always very confident and made friends easily. Our family was fairly wealthy and we had a lot to "offer" (nice house, pool to entertain in, a cottage to invite friends to, a car to drive friends around, etc.). I think somewhere along the line my self-worth became tied to what I could physically share and/or pay for.
However, fast forward to today - I am in my 40's, very overweight, rosacia on my face (so not so attractive anymore), just coming out of a very verbally abusive marriage, self esteem at all all time low, and I have no friends. Friends from high-school turn down invitations to get together and have for years, but they have all kinds of postings and pictures on Facebook about all the other friends they seem to be getting together with and no matter how far in advance I suggest getting together, they always have someone else they are busy with, (or they cancel at the last minute and I find out they got together with other friends).
My sister, who was always very shy and didn't have a lot of friends growing up has a few very good friends now that she sees regularly and that she can rely on. I'm not very close to my sister or mom.
Two women that I considered friends, that my husband and I have been friends with for nearly 10 years, we travelled with, our kids were friends etc. basically abandoned me when I told them my husband and I were separating, which really hurt since I felt like they weren't really my friends after all but only wanted to be friends with a "couple" (they are not friends with my ex either). I haven't seen them in a year.
I joined a local moms group and had several get togethers with other moms, but none of them want to get together again. I've made meals for some of the new moms, I've organized donations for a single mom who's husband left her penniless and pregnant and with 3 other kids. I try really hard to be positive, friendly, not talk AT ALL about my relationship with my husband or anything negative. I offer to entertain at my home, which is large with a beautiful yard. Nobody wants to come back after the first visit. It's like after people meet me, they don't want to be my friend. I feel like it's either because I am fat (I'm about 50 lbs overweight), I try too hard (I make nice snacks and make sure everyone has a drink, I ask people questions about themselves, make sure my house is clean, etc....).
I sometimes wonder if people think I'm snobby b/c I live in a big house in a nice neighbourhood (I earn very good money) and most of them live in tiny houses in other areas. But most of the women in my area are very snobby, blonde bombshells who are trophy/tennis wives that I cannot relate to at all.
I just don't know what I'm doing wrong, or how to go about making friends. Entering single-mom hood I really, really need a support network and I literally have nothing. I truly feel like the only person who cares about me in this world is my dad, but I only see him once or twice a year.
How do you make a good friend, and how do you keep a good friend? How do you be a good friend? I want friends that would support me if I'm down, be there when I need them and I clearly don't have that, I don't have anyone. Literally. I'm not making this up.
Any advice is appreciated. How did I end up 43 without a single friend? :(