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How do you make (and keep?) friends? - Page 2

post #21 of 29

There have been some really wonderful posts on this thread and it struck me that they have a common theme. Several people have said in different ways:


Love yourself.


Love yourself first and foremost, see your own value and beauty, take time for yourself, enjoy yourself, take care of yourself, do things because they bring YOU joy.


the rest will follow.

post #22 of 29

Another way of saying what Linda said: Your post was full of things that you're doing to 'attract' people, but what are you doing to be you? Most of my good friends (and I don't have many, I'm somewhat of an introvert) have come through shared activities and interests. It's the interests that tie us together. Not all of the people who share the activities become friends, but one or two might. And even if they don't, my interest in the activity keeps me going, not my need for a friend.


So, if you had to pick one thing to do that you're interested in, what would it be? Do that. Develop a new hobby or a new interest. Friends will follow.

post #23 of 29

I could have written your OP last year. Putting myself out there again and again, pattern of unrecipricated playdates, nice home, nice kids, trying again, maybe we're too rich/I'm too fat, being of service to others, and always feeling rejected.  WTF?    I actually started seeing a therapist with the main complaint you described-- why can't I connect with people?  What is wrong with me?  I remember my DH saying, "I think you're great.  I don't know why no one else does."  eyesroll.gif  My therapist suggested some reading about shame and family of origin stuff that was very enlightening, and she was helpful so I continued to see her.  Fast forward a few months and the abuse from DH that had been an issue for years finally escalated into another physical attack.  DH is now STBX.  I don't think that the timing was a coincidence-- I was starting to get ever slightly better, recover some shreds of self-esteem.  Anyway, then I started reading about domestic violence and was shocked to find out that deteriorating ability to make and keep friends is one of the symptoms of domestic violence victims!  The sickness in my marriage (that i stayed in because it wasn't "too bad") was connected to my social problems.  Thought you might find that interesting as well.  BTW good reads are Why Does He Do That? and The Verbally Abusive Relationship.

post #24 of 29

I have nothing to add but I couldn't read without responding. I can really relate to what you are saying. I have no friends but I would love to have some--maybe too much so. I just wanted you to know that you are not alone.

post #25 of 29
I can totally relate. I have no friends and no family to count on. I too feel very alone. The only thing that keeps me sane is my once a month Red Tent ladies group mtg.

I so wish I could call up a friend anytime a chat and hang out and have tea. Is that kind of friend too much to ask for?
post #26 of 29

I read in Psychology Today that if you ask someone for a small favor (borrow something, catch a ride somewhere) then that person would be more likely to be your friend after that because they had already subconsciously decided that they like you when they decided to fulfill your favor request.  So, that's an idea.  It has worked for me somewhat. 


On the rosacea, I read that taking aspirin helps.  So I currently take two full-strength aspirin per day (I usually have a headache I need to kill anyway), and that has cleared up my rosacea a lot.  I also take Vitamin E and Vitamin B daily because those are good for the skin, also.  Also try to stay out of the sun, take not-too-hot showers, and drink lots of water. 


And it sounds like you're not happy in your neighborhood.  So I'd sell the house and find something smaller in a more "cozy" neighborhood.  If you could find a walkable community, more people would be out and about (possibilities for friendships), and that would be good for your health.  Get a dog you can take on walks and talk to other dog-walkers.

post #27 of 29

my heart breaks for you. i know how it feels to be very lonely i have no friends.

big hugs mama

post #28 of 29
Us lonely mamas should get together and be friends.
post #29 of 29
Originally Posted by Koalamom View Post

Us lonely mamas should get together and be friends.

we already are grouphug.gif

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