Do people bug you?

[sosurreal09]

Many times when I put my DD on my back and we are out and I start wrapping her someone will run over and with a scared voice say something like "OMG let me help you!"

It really offends me b/c firstly I am not doing something that will harm my child so I don't need help,  and secondly it is more dangerous that they are interrupting/distracting me!

Does this happen to anyone else? What do you say to them?

The other day my DD was kind of flipping out and I put her on my back and she was crying but pretty still and this woman runs over and asks if i need help (kind of harshly actually) and it was a total distraction and I was aggrevated as it was that my DD had woken up and I just said a quick no and finished up. The woman was really pissed and said "the least I could get is a TY you efin B" I was really shocked.

[FarmerBeth]

Wow!  That's a pretty huge reaction!  I used to get a lot of worries doing back carries, too (not usually on front).  The only thing that helped reduce this was if I knelt down on the ground while putting my child on my back.  It also helps to go somewhere quiet and grassy, if possible.  I don't think anyone I dealt with meant badly, they just weren't familiar with back carries.  The reaction you got was over the top, though.  I think maybe it would have been good for her to know that if someone's preoccupied with their child that doesn't equal rudeness.

[sosurreal09]

I don't have any issue doing a back carry at all. DD is nearly 2 and we have always done them. She will only use a wrap though so it takes a min or two but she is perfectly secure the whole time KWIM?

I think that lady was totally over the top! Like I said I was shocked!

I guess I just don't get why strangers feel the need to run over as if I am endangering my child to assume  must need their assistance and then get pissed b/c well I don't. I mean really would I even BE doing it if I needed assistance?

I just don't get peoples reaction to it.

[FarmerBeth]

I think people either think that the wrap isn't very secure as they're used to seeing backpack type things, or they think that you can't see what you are doing when strapping the baby on your back.  North America just isn't a culture where baby wearing is mainstream.  Like we both said, that particular reaction was way over the top and strange, but I think you may have to expect the occasional less intense but worried reaction.  I always used it as an opportunity to politely educate people about what I was doing and why it was beneficial for me and my children.  My youngest of three is now 7, and I see no end in sight of worried reactions by strangers about things I wouldn't worry about, it's just that what the things are change as children age.  For some reason, parenting is an aspect of life where the public often feel entitled to give opinions.

[sosurreal09]

Originally Posted by FarmerBeth 

I think people either think that the wrap isn't very secure as they're used to seeing backpack type things, or they think that you can't see what you are doing when strapping the baby on your back.  North America just isn't a culture where baby wearing is mainstream.  Like we both said, that particular reaction was way over the top and strange, but I think you may have to expect the occasional less intense but worried reaction.  I always used it as an opportunity to politely educate people about what I was doing and why it was beneficial for me and my children.  My youngest of three is now 7, and I see no end in sight of worried reactions by strangers about things I wouldn't worry about, it's just that what the things are change as children age.  For some reason, parenting is an aspect of life where the public often feel entitled to give opinions.

Ain't that the truth?!
 

[seawitch]

I used to hate it. I would swing my daughter on my back for a back carry and not once but many times, strangers came up to me and grabbed the baby. At which point she would stiffen and start screaming and then of COURSE, I was thrown off my game and at that point it became dangerous. Otherwise, not at all - we were used to it, never once even came close to dropping her. I'm torn - on one hand, if for example my kid was running in front of a car, and a stranger is nearby, GRAB HER! On the other hand, how the heck does a stranger think she has the right to touch my baby without my permission? I can see where the intention was good, but it still was, well... uncalled for concern. Babe and I were all clearly practiced in what we were doing. We practiced, a LOT, at first, over beds, etc. She was worn on my back since she was, what, weeks old? A couple months at the most. So at the point where we were regularly going out and about (and getting the most comments from strangers) we had had about a years' practice between us (and more if you factor in that I also wore my son before her).

[tooraloora]

I only strap DS on at the car before we go in somewhere strictly because of people coming up to help. I get flustered really easily and it turns into a safety concern fast when I'm trying to secure squirmy DS while dealing with a concerned or interested passerby, especially now that he's interested in people and immediately starts twisting and turning to flirt with whoever has come up. I have a much easier time just responding to questions and comments about babywearing once DS is already secured.

[sosurreal09]

BTW I was at my car!

ITA though it is unnecessary concern but it totally makes me PO'd that people think I am endangering my child!

[tooraloora]

Eh some people are just weird like that. Once when DS was very little (maybe 3 months), while at my doctor's office in the kids waiting room, he started crying because he was overtired and gassy. While I was comforting him, a woman from the other waiting room came rushing demanding to know "What did you DO to him?!? What did she do to you little guy?" I was flabbergasted. Another woman waiting near by had no trouble finding words, though, and told her very directly to f off.

[sosurreal09]

Originally Posted by tooraloora 

Eh some people are just weird like that. Once when DS was very little (maybe 3 months), while at my doctor's office in the kids waiting room, he started crying because he was overtired and gassy. While I was comforting him, a woman from the other waiting room came rushing demanding to know "What did you DO to him?!? What did she do to you little guy?" I was flabbergasted. Another woman waiting near by had no trouble finding words, though, and told her very directly to f off.

What a weirdo! I can't believe she thought you did something to your baby!

[anne-girl]

I don't tend to get it much from strangers, mostly because we use the SSC when running errands from the car. Even then, people will stop and offer help as I put DS on my back. If I've got the wrap on for errands, I usually use a front carry for nursing. Then I often get positive responses re the carrier and negative ones re the nursing toddler. *sigh*

I find it harder to know what to do when the people offering help are acquaintances. I use my wrap for music practice at church; it takes awhile to tie, but no other carrier will leave my diaphragm and abdomen free for singing. People on the music team are always asking if they can help. I usually just explain politely that they're welcome to watch to make sure we're fine if they like, but that I'm OK without the help, and that if they help with the tying, I'll get confused about which pass went where, etc. It's when the same people keep asking to help, week after week, that my patience runs a bit thin. But I know them, so I can't be rude, KWIM?

I'm at the point of making a pod or wrap-tai just so people will stop gawking nervously while I ruck my toddler.

[IncompetentHousewife]

Ugh, this happens to me all the time, too, when I swing my 17mo around my hip and pull up my Ergo straps. I have had to remid myself that these people are actually trying to be super helpful and nice because it looks difficult to them. I guess if someone saw me changing a flat tire in the same parking lot where I'm putting my baby on my back, I would really appreciate if they rushed over to offer help. If they grabbed the tire iron, i'd be so happy!

I caught myself wigging out at someone last month because she happened to be the third person that day and I grew impatient. I growled, "I have him. I promise. I do this every day and I've never dropped him." I felt bad later because she was just trying to be nice and the tone of my voice was so rude.

I started turning TOWARD the person coming at me (so they can't grab the baby) and catching their eye before they speak. I try to say, "Oh, I do this several times a day. It only looks like he might fall, but I have a good grip." Sometimes they are still quite forward and that gets annoying, so I try to say, "Thanks, but it actually throws me off balance if someone helps."

OMG one time it was my mother-in-law who very nearly caused her grandson to fall to the concrete because she grabbed at him! I vented to my husband. Next time she tried to help he said, "Ma. It's actually easier for her to do it by herself."

This does drive me so nuts, but I'm trying to remember they want to help, not hinder. If someone does manage to knock me over someday, I'll probably change my tune. : )

[sosurreal09]

Half the time I don't see them coming and that's what scares me the most! Someone just sneaks up behind me trying to grab at me that scares me and honestly my instinct is to fight when that happens. One of these days I  will go to jail for poppin an old lady in response lol I'm joking.

[1stTimeMama4-4-10]

Ough - MIL does this every time I wrap DD in front of her. Every. Time. She grabs one of the Mei Tai straps, one of the ergo straps, one side of the woven, whatever.  It bothers me because it invades my personal space and makes me feel like she thinks I am an idiot by endangering my child when I don't know what to do. I know she does it to be helpful, but I have never once let her help, you would think she would get the hint. 

[musikmama]

That is SOOOOO true! I don't get it-you don't walk up to someone in public who's eating the fattiest thing on the menu at a restaurant and comment about it. People feel some kind of need to dole out parenting advice.  I also think everyone thinks the only kind of baby carrier is a crotch dangler-I hate those things!  Mostly old people in stores would give me compliments-men especially were just like, "Wow, that's so smart!" LOL  Well, yeah. That's why I do it. I can't believe someone called you a B(*&$ for refusing help. I highly doubt THAT B$%^ knew what you were doing or how to help you in the first place.

Originally Posted by FarmerBeth 

I think people either think that the wrap isn't very secure as they're used to seeing backpack type things, or they think that you can't see what you are doing when strapping the baby on your back.  North America just isn't a culture where baby wearing is mainstream.  Like we both said, that particular reaction was way over the top and strange, but I think you may have to expect the occasional less intense but worried reaction.  I always used it as an opportunity to politely educate people about what I was doing and why it was beneficial for me and my children.  My youngest of three is now 7, and I see no end in sight of worried reactions by strangers about things I wouldn't worry about, it's just that what the things are change as children age.  For some reason, parenting is an aspect of life where the public often feel entitled to give opinions.

[kitchensqueen]

I'm kind of shocked that so many of you have had experiences with total strangers actually grabbing at your child while trying to make adjustments and put them in the wrap! What gives people the right to touch someone else's child when they are in the direct care of their parent? That's totally outrageous to me... 

(Also, my first baby is due any time now and I really want to practice babywearing - since you ladies are so experienced, how do I get started? Maybe there's a thread on this already I can check out?)

[sosurreal09]

I think it's ridiculous too! I really like wearyourbaby.com Definitely invest in a good woven

[McGucks]

Yup.  MIL often rushes over and tries to "help" by grabbing something or someone, neither of which is needed.  I'm covered, thanks.

People who haven't used them oftentimes just truly don't know that it can be done safely and by one person.  I am so sorry a stranger accosted you and said that!  Ug.