I'm at a complete loss...

[Mommie22]

Yesterday was an extremely hot day. I'm pregnant and I felt sick all day because of it. At some point, my 5 year old son locked two of our chickens in their laying coop. I never checked them. We went to the beach to cool down and then came home and I didn't do much but feel terrible. This morning, I found two dead chickens. They didn't have food or water and, like I said, it was terribly hot. I've told him not to lock up the chickens like this before. I feel so angry with him and with myself for not checking them. I feel horrible that they died a terrible death. I'm angry because he didn't listen to me and I'm even questioning my son's very nature. I feel guilty and irresponsible because i never went out to check on them and they were being tortured while I was feeling sorry for myself. I don't know how to handle this. I'm devastated.

[hildare]

5 year olds don't really understand the concept of death as older kids and adults do, mama.

why did he lock them in?  does he like to help with the chickens?  is it his job to lock them up at night or at other times?  or does he like to herd them or play with the locks? 

once we let our chicks out we don't really check on them. 

can you put an automatic waterer in the coop so if they accidentally get locked up again they might be ok?  we forgot to let ours out two days ago... they were fine, but chicken accidents happen. 

please don't be so hard on yourself.  you've got a lot going on.  i'd try to figure out why your kid locked them in, but i wouldn't think anything more of it than that. 

pregnancy is making me crazy paranoid and anxious, too.  i called poison control because my kid basically ate salty green beans the other day.. i guess i am saying that the heat and the hormones can make you view situations in weird ways.  think of it like this:  a five year old is pretty much going to not listen to you or hear you or forget stuff.  this was just a bad scenario for this to happen, rather than leaving the fridge door open or something like that.  bad consequences for a pretty normal act of a 5 year old.

[Mommie22]

Thank you so much for responding. It's truly helping to put things in perspective. We decided to do a special ceremony for them. My son's going to draw some pictures and we'll make a gravestone. I was so upset and angry when I first discovered what had happened, so I made sure to hold my son on my lap and tell him that I knew it wasn't his fault and that he didn't mean to do it and also acknowledged my responsibility in the situation. A friend of mine brought up a good point. She said that it's important for him to begin realizing that his actions have an affect in this world and sometimes without meaning to, these affects can be devastating, especially with a new baby coming into our lives. Maybe this was a way to reinforce that life is precious. Today, he is off with a friend. This will give me a chance to work through my own feelings. Thank you again.

[reezley]

I don't know much about chickens, just wanted to respond.  Sorry that all happened. I like your idea of the ceremony to help him (and you I'm guessing) work through the feelings about it.  I hope you can keep it in perspective and chalk it up to a BIG learning experience for both of you. Obviously you will do things differently in the future to not let that happen again, and hopefully your son will learn a big real lesson from it.  Natural consequences at their worst (we hope that's the worst they get, right?).  But surely a life lesson is there for him.  I'll bet he feels awful too.   :(