Grown up dating? Anything goes. I like coffee for a first, low-key, brief (in the likely event that it's not that fabulous), and to leave both wanting more, where applicable. Dinner for a longer, pour out stories, type of setting on a second date. Intimacy--wooooh that is a much discussed minefield but if you ask me, the guy who will label you a whore for getting busy too soon, and pass you by after he indulged in the very same behavior, is a complete hypocrite and worth missing out on (and the sooner the better). The guy who will appreciate you long term will be one who wouldn't play such silly labeling games anyway, nor overlook all the intriguing out-of-the-bedroom qualities that were obvious already, so I wouldn't worry about waiting an arbitrary amount of time before getting affectionate just to impress him with your chastity. However, waiting at least a few weeks does certainly heighten the sparkle and fun of the first dates, as the tension hangs thick between you, and that feeling is just so fun and can never be gotten back once the relationship consummates and relaxes into the next phase, so I can't see the harm in prolonging the 'newness' tingle and postponing bedroom antics, for at least that reason.
As for attracting a 'good guy'..... if I had the magic secret to that there would be no dating thread because I'd tell everyone here and we'd all be partnered up instantly! I think you can't do much more than just focus inward like you're already doing and be self aware about the place you're at, what you're looking for and what you aren't, and then just sit back and take each situation as it comes and be prepared to figure things out on the fly. There are no black and whites in dating, only a million different (often heartbreaking when there is so much 'right' and yet it's just not right) shades of gray. Making sure you are accurately aware of what's going on inside yourself will often (but not always) help prevent accidentally sending out signals that indicate something counter to what you are actually interested in. i.e. being clear with yourself that you are not looking for one night stands will help to make you less prone to be dazzled by an obvious smooth playboy type guy's hilarious opening one-liner and trappings, and he'll strike out with you rather quickly, as you sit back and wait for the true blue (but possibly hopeless with starting conversations with women) type with the kind eyes and timid smile.
After that, it's just trying to decipher each situation on a case by case basis and figure out what is working, and if anything crucial does not. There are no perfect relationships or men, after all, but one thing that stuck with me from those clips on youtube from the 4-man-plan gal that one of you guys recommended is that there are two essential ingredients to look for in a mate:
1. Loving (kind, honest, respectful, affectionate, blah blah blah)
2. Willing (no games, hot & cold BS, commitment is nothing he fears, he is just there, ready, no 3 days between calls, no difficult to interpret sporadic texting habits, not easy to scare off, just shows up, again and again and again, no muss no fuss there he is, easy to read)
and everything in addition to that is just gravy.
That has rung quite true for me.