August Heat - Is your Dating Life Scorching? Spill it! - Dating Thread! - Page 4

[anon_abroad]

I know it's just a date, but I have made it a point in my life to actually follow good advice from now on, and was wondering if it was just plain old ill-advised, ya know? Since this is a whole new concept for me, and I thought maybe I shouldn't even have a first date with a thirty-year-old, just cross it off my 'list' all together. But from the advice given here, it seems like going on a date in this case is fine.

[anon_abroad]

Ok, false alarm, there will be no dilemna over 'date or not to date', I read the signals wrong

[crazyms]

Sorry anon that sucks. I had a "date" Wed night last week and well it looks like I might have read the signals wrong on that one too but I guess I'll figure that out tomorrow for sure. Not too happy about it but oh well.

[chicaalegre]

I have been feeling like a teenager the past several days. Whew! It's super fun and super exhausting. Bond and I have been hanging out a lot and we are really digging each other. We have both also talked about wanting to hold off on having any sexual relationship until/unless we are serious--that's something I have literally never done (I don't think I've ever waited for more than a few weeks since I started having sex almost 15 years ago), and I feel like it's time to try a new approach. Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results--definition of insanity, yes? 

It's kind of tough, though. We've only been seeing each other for like 3 weeks and it feels intense. We can sit and talk for hours and hours. I am getting way less sleep than I should. Kissing him is somewhat torturous because knowing that we are not going to have sex is such a freaking turn on, for some reason. 

This is super fun but I feel like I need to cool my head a little bit. It's a little overwhelming. I'm not seeing Kilt anymore and haven't for a couple of weeks--a little sad about that because I really care about him and like him as a friend. Plus we dated for like 5 months and I feel a little bad about how things ended. But, I am surprised to compare the difference between how I feel about Bond and how I felt about Kilt in the beginning of our dating. I was interested in Kilt, but not like this at all. It at least partially has to do with the fact that Bond is much more physically attractive to me, and is my age. Maybe that's shallow, and I did find Kilt attractive but the 13 yr age difference sometimes put me off a little. Kilt is maybe more mature, a little more intellectual, but I can talk to Bond all night long and not get bored. Definitely a little infatuated at the moment and so I'm trying to continue taking deep breaths and stay cool. I think I need to implement a date night with MYSELF on a weekly basis, so I can do some self-care and get the sleep that I need. Maybe take a bath and read a book. 

[*MamaJen*]

Not to sound like a downer, and it does sound like a fun start to a relationship...but in my experience, being kind of a codependent, the single biggest red flag for all kinds of problems is that the relationship gets super intense really fast. Be careful and listen to your head as well as your gut. I think the danger is when you feel so infatuated that you don't want to listen to the warning signs or see the red flags. Just take time for self-care, and take time to check in and really honestly evaluate things -- imagine that you're one of your closest friends assessing the situation from a third person point of view.

[mimim]

What she said. Especially since you expressed reservations about his respect for women.

[crazyms]

I agree with taking some time for yourself and make sure you stay level headed about it but it sounds amazing. I've only had one that was ever that intense going into it and it was great fun.

[worthy]

Heh.  I'm in the same boat, but I'm 38.  I have a 9yo and an 11yo (and a 7yo and a 13yo).  The man I'm thinking of is really super great with my kids (we know him socially) and I'm not even entirely sure what his motives are but I suspect the question will come up eventually.
 

Originally Posted by anon_abroad 

Okay I don't HAVE a dating life yet, but am contemplating it. If you were 37 with two children (9 and 11) would you even CONSIDER going out with a 30 year-old with no previous marriage/children, or should just avoid something like that all together?

[worthy]

Oh, bummer, I posted too fast.  I am also wondering about signals and how I'm reading them.  On one hand, it makes sense hat if you have to ask, he's not really into you.  On the other hand, I historically block out signals of "like" from people and so I don't trust myself to be sure.

Good luck with whatever next lies ahead.
 

Originally Posted by anon_abroad 

Ok, false alarm, there will be no dilemna over 'date or not to date', I read the signals wrong

Edited by worthy - 9/2/11 at 7:28am