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~Calling All Homebirthers!~ - Page 4

post #61 of 89

Is anyone here thinking about birth plans already? I'm thinking a lot (surprising myself how often) about whether and how I'd want my mom to be involved. There is no other real question of who. It'll be me, DH, 2 midwives, and possibly a doula if we find one we *really* connect with and can afford. Then my mom. She lives a mile away. I love her dearly and she is rally supportive in general. She labored and delivered naturally for both my brother and I by choice. I don't think she'll be discouraging. I just dont' *know* ahead of time whether she'll have the right kind of energy.


A lot of you (or others on the forum) have mentioned wanting a photographer. My mom's actually a pretty good one. Maybe that (plus food preparation) could be her job? How invasive does it feel to have someone snapping pictures? 


Generally I'm very controlling of my environment. I want to plan things out so that I don't feel the need to stay in control at all. I want to be able to completely release myself into the work/bliss of laboring. I have no idea if that's possible with my mom or anyone else is in the house!


post #62 of 89

Right now my biggest worry is if DH will be there or not (military).  We won't know until probably around February, so that's a long time to worry about it.  If he's not going to be here then I would want my mom to come out (she lives on the East Coast), which probably means I would want my midwife to come over also since my mom would be a worrier and would best be upstairs with my other kids.  I'm keeping my fingers crossed that DH can be here so it can just be the 2 of us at the birth again.

post #63 of 89

I had photos during labor and I don't remember them being taken for half the time.  When I was aware, it didn't bother me. I made sure that everyone that was invited...um my three sisters and mom....understood on no uncertain terms what their role was and that no matter what was happening, if I said they had to leave, they had to, no questions, no talking, no hurt feelings, just out.  Creating this boundary, or freedom, gave me the ability to not even pay attention to people during my labor. My mom is super supportive and was exactly what I needed her to be, a prayer warrior.  I knew she was praying and that was what I needed.  Honestly, DH, my mw, and my sister were the most active in supporting me with DH being the chief (by far) support.  I think it is important to think about it ahead of time and to really be honest with what you want and being ok with changing that at a second's notice if you feel like it.

post #64 of 89

During my last births, various people took photos and it didn't bother me at all.  I was pretty focused on what I was doing, and as long as noone smelled strongly or made loud noises, I pretty much didn't notice what they were doing!!!!  BUT I LOVED seeing the photos afterwards.  I thought I was totally aware of what was going on, but seeing the photos gave me a totally different perspective on the birth.  It was neat to see.  And I have some awesome photos of my mom supporting me through contractions that I will always treasure.  


As for people at the birth, I think it's totally dependant on your relationship with people, but I will say this is the one time you can be totally selfish and not worry about how others feel about everything.  For my first birth, DH was the ONLY one who could put the right pressure on my lower back, and during some intense contractions my mom really helped me through them in a very comforting way.  Then when it came to pushing, my DH was able to catch DD because my mom was there to hold my leg up - so I loved having the extra people.  And then with further births, it was nice to have extra people there to support the kids.  I have no idea what I'm going to do with this birth, but I'm assuming it'll become clearer as time goes on........my birth plan at this point is to find a midwife who will essentially leave me alone for the most part during the birth:-)

post #65 of 89

My birth plan is pretty detailed, but it's pretty much what I think I should have done last time. The basics are exactly the same. Same midwife, same birthpool, same spot in the house. But instead getting excited about getting in the water all pregnancy, I'm trying to get excited about taking a really long walk :) I need to talk to my midwife about using EPO in late pregnancy (I had DD at 42+3) and a few other things.


My biggest concern is what to do with my toddler. DH wants her there, I think he's crazy and really don't want her there. I'll win on this, but we don't have any stellar options for what to do with her. We'll probably send her to her best friend's house, but she's 30 minutes away and will have a 6 month old (I'll be watching the toddler while her mom goes to the hospital for the baby).

post #66 of 89

With my last birth, my mom lived out of state. this was nice because it took the pressure off of me to make a decision about her being there. She was nervous about homebirth, so instead of calling her when labor started like she wanted, I sent an email at like 2 am. I don't think she even got it, but called the house in the morning just to check on things. When my friend answerred, mom knew what was up. The friend I had there was actually my mom's age, but much more calm and helpful. She also shares our beliefs and was praying me through, which was what I really needed. Now my mom lives locally again, and my dear friend has moved out of state. We have already decided to hire a doula and have contacted her. We never used one before, but this lady taught the natural child birth classes we took last time around, and we really like her. We had already talked about calling her, and then our midwife recommended it. She lives closer to us and works with the midwife alot. I know they will be a good team. As time goes on I will have to decide about my mom, but right now I don't really think I would want her here. It just seems like that would be way too many people in the house, and as I said, the homebirth thing makes Mom a bit nervous. Also, I love my mom, but sometimes she makes things a bit too much about herself and what she is going through. She is not terrible about this, but I need everyone at the birth to be there for me, not for what they can get out of it.

post #67 of 89

• Have you had (or planned) a homebirth before?  First pregnancy, so not yet. But I've been planning to have a homebirth for years now!


• If yes, are you seeing the same midwife as before?  N/A


• If you've had a homebirth before, what was your favorite thing that you had, and what did you wish that you would have had?


• If you haven't had a homebirth before, what are you most looking forward to?   I'm looking forward to being in the comfort of my own home, being able to birth on my own terms without being pushed around in a hospital setting (I HATE hospitals and sort of fear them so I don't intend to enter one unless there is a life-threatening situation).  I've read sooooo many birth stories and I love the idea of being able to snuggle up in my own bed with my newborn and DH. Bliss!


• Do you have any fears that you feel you need to work through?  Not really, I've been doing my best to prepare myself for a homebirth and I trust my body to do what it is designed to do. I suppose my worst fear would be developing some condition before or during labor that would require me to go into the hospital but if that's the way it happens, I'll just have to deal with it as it comes. I haven't yet decided if I'm going to hire a midwife or not (we're considering UC/freebirth), but either way I already feel super-educated about the birth process and am already starting to educate DH, who is totally onboard to have a 'couples birth' with me if that's what I choose.

post #68 of 89
So I decided to be open about our planned homebirth no matter how difficult I thought the audience would be. A couple people have told me "my baby would have died" if not in the hospital, and I'll talk to them about it or not depending on whether they seem to want to.

Anyway, an uncle of DH's is the chief of neonatology at a big Pittsburgh hospital. I thought I'd hear the lot of it from him. He calmly asked about oxygen, pitocin, and neonatal resucitation. I explained that they have oxygen, pitocin for hemmoraghe, and my midwife is a certified neonatal resuscitation instructor. He nodded and said, "you'll be okay then." Yay! Apparently he was a darling of the hippie midwife community when he got his medical degree because he worked with them, not agaist them. Woohoo!!!

I also ran into a cousin whose daughter just gave birth in the hospital. She was asking me carefully, "have you ever heard of Ina May..." I said yep we're doing ours at home and I've read one of her books and plan on more. She seemed so relieved!!! I had no idea I'd run into this kind of support from family. Yay! My side will be a different story, since once of my cousins had severe pp bleeding and was near death. But I don't have to face that for a while.
post #69 of 89

My mother's sister and her family are so against homebirth because my cousin "would have died" because of hemorrhage.  They are so appauled at my family's acceptance of it that they go so far as to seek out people we know to yell at them for considering homebirth because they know us (they have long since stopped yelling at us, because we walk away.)  The sad thing is, my midwife was the head nurse of the labour and delivery unit where said "would have died" cousin gave birth when she delivered, and she just laughs at the story they tell.  She was the nurse who delivered the baby and she says that there is nothing more that they did in hospital that she wouldn't/couldn't do at home now as a midwife.  It is too bad though, because this family is so against it, or us, whatever way you see it, that they really taint a lot of people in our circle about it. 


Other than that I just usually get "Oh, I could never do that, what if something goes wrong?" Which, doesn't bother me.  To each their own.  The good thing about my two birth experiences is that I can always say, "I know exactly what you do when something goes wrong: you go to the hospital and everything turns out swimmingly!"  That usually returns a "Well, yes, I guess.  If you're close enough to the hospital..."   The funny thing is, and actually kind of annoying thing, this time, after 2 attempted homebirths, I'm getting just shocked reactions that I am going to have a homebirth this time.  People seem to think I should have learned my lesson after the last two experiences.  I have - I've learned to stay away from hospitals as long as I possibly can, even if I may end up there in the end, the longer I can stay away, the better for me and babe.

post #70 of 89

Jennyvangy: Me too! I wound up transferring after 34 hours and getting a c-section after 40, and part of why things went so well and I didn't get PPD was because I started out homebirthing. That's a big part of why I'm having a homebirth again this time.

post #71 of 89

This will be my second HB. My first DD was planned induction, preventable section. My second DD was planned HB, hospital transfer. She had severe maconium and was in the NICU for 2 weeks. My third DD was a beautiful HB. I didn't even know I was in labor until I was mostly complete. My Midwife lives 1 hour and a half away so she was freaking out when she heard me on the phone. We have two levels and I was on the first floor (we had planned on delivering on the upstairs level) because I asked my DH to make me some eggs (should have been a sign; it was 4 AM!) My MW called her back up who couldn't come due to a family crisis, my doula jumped in the car and the backup-backup MW was also on the way. I transitioned on my pool liner which my DH grabbed instead of the plastic sheet and my water broke. The most amazing thing happened after that. My body went into resting phase. I still wasn't convinced I was in labor at this point. My body waited until the pool was set up and warm and the doula and both MWs were there and ready. The instant that water was to temp I started pushing. DD arrived 15 min. later. All in all less then three hours start to finish and more then half of that was resting phase. I think I was in labor for maybe 45 minutes, if that. That birth was SO healing mentally, physically and emotionally. 


I will be using the same MW for this birth. My MIL for DD watching. 


I really want my 8yr old DD to participate in this birth. Last birth was so fast we didn't have time to wake her up and she had a friend sleeping over (I was a week early, the first two were 2 weeks late). I want her to experience a calm, natural birth so she is not terrified when it is her turn. 


Because my last birth went so perfectly I am concerned that it will be harder this time. I have to get over that mental block!


Okay. Question for you ladies. Names are important to me and our daughters were named after experiences we were going through during/at/around the times of their births. Their names are: Faith, Serenity, and Journey Joy. I am hoping for a boy this time, but can't think of a good name. I am maybe thinking Read as a middle (or first name) because of family history. I like the names Legacy and Justice by my DH doesn't like either of those. Also, for a girls name. We have kinda thought through most of the virtue names, but still needs something that fits. Any thoughts? 

post #72 of 89

Have you had (or planned) a homebirth before?


My first two were standard medicated hospital births, third was a waterbirth at a birth center and fourth was a planned homebirth which ended up being UC because the midwife didn't make it in time.


If yes, are you seeing the same midwife as before?


Yes, although I will be seeing her partner for the first six months because my midwife is volunteering in Africa until December.


If you've had a homebirth before, what was your favorite thing that you had, and what did you wish that you would have had?

I know this is strange, but I wish I would have had just a little more time. I had planned on having my lovely photographer friend document the birth, my sis-in-law there to be able to experience a homebirth, since she was about to have one herself, and I wanted to birth in the pool. None of that happened though, because she came 15 minutes after I woke up. My DH caught her in the shower! I am so thankful for the experience and it certainly makes for a good story, but I couldn't help feeling a little shell-shocked afterward. I couldn't believe after all those months of planning for the perfect birth, that it was all over!


Do you have any fears that you feel you need to work through?


No fears besides the normal hoping babe will be healthy and that I won't have to transfer for any reason. I am not afraid to do it on our own again if this baby comes quick. It amazes me how God made our bodies to know exactly what to do.


post #73 of 89

Well I got the first serious call about homebirth from MIL this morning. Unfortunately I am already sour due to being overrun by a cold, so I hope I was nice. She expressed concerns and the common "what ifs" and I did my best to explain my perspective, the research I've done, and what happens in the case of emergency. I also explained the bad things that can happen in hospitals which I would like to avoid.


She delivered DH via forceps and the doctors told her the head was just too big for her to have been able to push out. She doesn't see the illogic in this (if she couldn't push him out, how could he come out by being pulled?), but I didn't press the issue. I just explained that midwives have training in a lot of areas that doctors do not, like how to re-position the mother so that a cord isn't compressed, or the pelvis is more open. 


Anyway, I seem to have convinced her that at least I had done my research. At the end she asked if I at least would be seen by an OB, to which I said "Not unless there's a complication." She next asked if we'd circumsize a boy. She didn't respond when I said "no." :-/


I am hoping that' the end of it and she becomes supportive from now on. If not, I'll hand her an Ina May book and ask her to read it thoroughly before any more judgement.  

post #74 of 89

Hi everyone,

We are planning a homebirth this time around and I'm so excited.  We were using a birth center for our first baby and ended up transferring due to failure to progress.  I'm looking forward to doing it at home this time (same midwife) and being in my own space.  I also have a professional photographer lined up this time too.  I really regret not having pictures of my last labor.  I don't really have any fears about a homebirth but I wish I could say the same for my extended family.  We've decided to not really bring it up with anyone because we don't want to hear their opinions.  I can't wait until April so I can hear about all of your amazing births =)

post #75 of 89

I want a birth photographer too.  I have hardly any pictures of my last two hospital transfer births.  When I mentioned it to my sister (who has had 4 homebirths) last night, she said, "I think you really need to consider who you want at your birth.  You don't want too many people there."  I was all, "I honestly spend 90% of my day thinking about birth: my birth, your birth, the random lady down the street's birth.  I've thought about this a lot.  Don't worry about it."  I know she was trying to help, but seriously. 


My husband is such a doll.  We are moving into a condo, that we desperately would like to sell and buy a house.  We were talking about selling it last night and DH said, "Well, we can sell it any time as long as the possession date isn't anywhere near the due date.  We need you to be comfortable in whatever house we're in so that you can have your homebirth.  He is so supportive.  It is wonderful.

post #76 of 89

The last thing I want is a birth photographer. I want my memories to be subjective, not objective, and I looked like crap with my last birth (very long, rather traumatic). If I could guarantee a nice easy birth, sure pictures would be nice, but I'm not going to count on that.

post #77 of 89

I am 11.5 weeks along with our first baby, and we are hoping for a homebirth.  DP and I have both studied birth (from sociological & medical perspectives) and really think it's the best choice for us and our baby.  However, we have some concerns about the process and are little worried about whether or not we can make it happen.  First, we have full insurance coverage for hospital births and none for homebirths.  We also live in GA, where HB midwives have to practice outside the law, and that makes me nervous.  My biggest worry, though, is dealing with my family.  They are very opinionated and very vocal about their feelings, and I have no doubt they'll hate the idea of a homebirth.  Have any of you had to deal with difficult family members over your homebirth choice?  How did that go?

post #78 of 89

If a MW practices illegally, there will be times when MW has to choose between exposing herself to the law and continuing ideal care. That's not a situation I want my care provider in. I think it's a conflict of interests that should be weighed carefully. That being said, I completely understand why women choose care from midwives who are unduly forced to practice below the radar. It is SO much worse when NO homebirth midwives are allowed to practice in a given state. :(


We have full hospital coverage and some homebirth coverage, but no guarantee of reimbursement and no way to find out how much it could be until after the birth. We are prepared to pay the full fee out of pocket, but hope that some gets reimbursed. Hopefully you can find a provider within your budget!

post #79 of 89

I personally wouldn't talk at all about homebirth with unsupportive family members.  Let them assume that you're giving birth in the hospital, and don't tell family members until after the birth, if at all.  My experience is that if someone is against homebirth, it's usually irrational fears and not an intellectual discussion that will sway anyone from their decision.  So I don't engage in it, I don't see a point in it anymore.

If a midwife is illegally operating, the only concerns I would have is does she have oxygen, suction machines, oxytocen, etc - things that might be (but hopefully not) needed right after the birth. And also, what happens if you need to transfer?  Is she able to go with you?  Does she have a doctor who is willing to support her underground, ie who she can transfer care to with little or no questions?  In an emergency, these can be pretty important questions, though of course hopefully none of them will be needed.  

post #80 of 89

Rosie & Beaner - Thanks for your replies.  Homebirth isn't exactly illegal here as it is in other states.  CNMs are allowed to do homebirths if they are affiliated with a physician, but I only know of one who actually does.  GA law allows for CPMs, but the certification itself hasn't been offered in many years meaning it's impossible to be currently certified in the state.  The CPMs aren't really underground (they have websites, etc) and are doing a bit of lobbying in the state.  Many of the CPMs here stay certified in other states.   They do generally have all the emergency equipment necessary; this was a major concern of mine.  In the case of transfer, however, the midwives cannot attend birth in the hospital.  Some will follow the patient as a "friend" or "doula", and some won't.  They could also be prosecuted in the case of a death, but I am not aware of this ever happening here.  Backup care is also very tricky as most OBs and CNMs are unwilling to knowingly provide backup care for homebirthers.  One of the primary reasons I chose the midwife I chose is that she has an established relationship with an OB who will do backup care for her patients (though his office will tell you they don't do backup care if you call them directly without saying you are a patient of this particular midwife).  Other homebirthers I know either have shadow care and don't tell their backups that they are planning a homebirth or go without backup care.  Neither lying nor going without was an option for me.  I am also planning to meet with a group of midwives who do hospital waterbirths so that I can transfer to their practice if anything happens to make me not "low risk" before 35 weeks so that all of my bases were covered.  I just wish it was less complicated (and covered by my insurance)!

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