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Should we leave the good job and do a year "on the road"? - Page 2

post #21 of 31

More about the retirement years, my dh's parents are basically experiencing this now.  They didn't make a lot of money when their kids were little and at home.  They moved often for FIL's different jobs. Then MIL got the bright idea of taking all the kids out of school so they could do a travelling family band.  They did this for about 3 years.  Parts of it were good experiences.  Really, FIL hasn't stayed in any one job for more than 5 years I'd say, and he is 64 years old now.  They do not have any money saved and are currently living with their youngest daughter and her husband.  Actually, this is their tentative 'plan', to rotate living with their adult children. 

 

A rather extreme example, I know. 

 

But while the inlaw's lack of planning during their prime earning years is negatively affecting them now, growing up poor did not ruin their kids' lives.  Dh and his siblings are all reasonably financially stable. Dh and one of his brothers is actually fairly successful. 

 

post #22 of 31

How much have you traveled together? Have you camped in an RV with your kids?

 

Here are my thoughts:

-Traveling tends to add stress to a relationship, not relieve it.

-Some kids travel well, others don't. Have you traveled enough with your kids to know? I've got one kid who's a great traveler, one who needs to go home after 2 weeks. (We just got home after 2 weeks + 2 days away. The last 3 nights, dd was sobbing in our arms while we visited relatives because she was out of sorts. Really, she just needed to go home. It'll take her a week to get back to equilibrium.)

-A 1 year old and 3 year old (or 2 and 4) aren't really old enough to appreciate all of the things that you're going to see. 8 and 10 or 10 and 12 would be much better ages for on-the-road learning.

 

-Furthering his education is something that I think makes sense.

-Looking for a new job where he feels less stressed makes sense (especially if it's closer to family that you'd like to be near)

-Doing a trial run makes sense -- could he take a couple weeks unpaid leave + vacation and have you travel for a month next summer? That will tell you whether you can handle it for a longer period. (A week isn't long enough, and not even 2 weeks.) If that works well, then maybe a year does make sense.

 

What are you doing now to strengthen your relationship? Do you have babysitters you can pay to sit with your kids (in a few months' time, if you've got an 8 week old) so you and your dh can go out and reconnect? Sometimes just going to dinner or walking around a lake helps.

 

What are your husband's skills and job prospects? What are yours? Maybe investing in a career counseling would be a good idea for him.

 

It sounds like he's  unhappy and fantasizing about things being completely different. If you take concrete steps toward them, and think it'll work for you, OK. If he's willing to plan and do some of the hard work to get things going, that'll tell you whether this is a fantasy or something that will really make you both happy. I would love to spend a year traveling. But, right now, it's not going to work with our lives. I'm OK with waiting until the kids are in college and I'm retired. Some people wouldn't be.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

post #23 of 31

No. Take a vacation.  Poor people do not ave all the wonders of the world he is thinking they do. they are too stressed out screaming and yelling about money they don't enjoy life at all. They certainly don't have gas money to go camping or having fun.

 

Assume there is NO job at the end of his make believe tunnel. then what? I mean I guess you're pretty rich to buy an rv 30k? take 2 years off and spend 80k on college so maybe you're out of touch with real life.

 

I would never do this. But then again we are not well off and one month of running free with the deer would mean the death of us.

post #24 of 31

My husband did not have a great paying job but he was loyal and it paid the bills 10 years or so. He got an ear infection and the nurse told him he had to wait to get in which made him lose his job. Took him nearly two years to find a minimum wage job. And it SUCKS. He's only been at it a few weeks and we are so stressed out. These crappy jobs are so not worth the stress (well they are but you know)

post #25 of 31

having been in your dh's position i can totally relate to wanting to quit and spend time with the children. 

 

it IS doable.

 

but it depends on both your personalities. 

 

it is kinda living on the edge - and can both of you survive that kind of pressure.

 

i know parents who have travelled the world with babies and toddlers. these are parents though who knew what they were getting into and wanted to do it.

 

so you have to decide what you want to do. it sounds like your dh is a risk taker, but you are not so much. or this is too big a deal and calls for more thought. 

 

i have given up work your a$$ off high paying job. in my books all the risks that it covered were just not worth it. however in my case i was doing it alone and i hated it.  in my world it is much better to be poor with little (means we dont get to have many treats to do much) and time with my dd than be rich and without time with her. 

post #26 of 31

in this economy??

 

spending more time with a newborn and a toddler? on the road?? shouldn't the kids have extra stability of a regular routine at this point in their lives?

 

how do YOU feel about this idea?

post #27 of 31

I think it's a desperate attempt to reconnect.  And a willingness to give up a good job for it is quite sweet.  I would do it for the experience.  So you stay and he keeps the job... the marriage problems continue and you do not reconnect... Money over a chance for your marriages survival.  Money never trumps a relationship or atleast it shouldn't. 

 

Whether you do it or not, I think it sounds fun, but I would wait until the kids were older so they could experience it.  Maybe a summer long trip.  I imagine most jobs would consider allowing a few months off and would take back the employee after that time. 

post #28 of 31

Sounds awful to me but I would worry incessantly about future finances. Also super-young kids in an RV for two years sounds like torture. There is a very real possibility that it would have a negative impact on your relationship with DH. Sounds like he is romanticizing the escape of two years on the road.

 

 

post #29 of 31

I agree with the "no" votes. Though a lifestyle change may be in order, I don't see how living in an RV with a toddler and a newborn, and an uncertain financial future, will help your relationship. And starting your own business is a whole other kind of stress that is unlikely to increase his availability to your children when they are young.

 

But there are more possibilities than staying in a soul-sucking job or going on the road. If he can take some vacation time I'd go to an "all-included" resort for a break, then I'd work on a practical plan to get to where you want to be--which seems to be a less demanding job for him located near your families. Though we weren't looking at a move, when dh had a job like this he updated his resume and started looking for a new job.
 

 

post #30 of 31

I would say no and I actually did it. I lived with my then-husband, my then-four year old, a dog and a mouse in a 17' Airstream motorhome for about 18 months. 

 

There were some really cool things but many downsides. All of my normal stress relieving activities were gone--my volunteer work, gardening, cooking nice meals (did sometimes in MH but MUCH more challenging), friends, my bathtub, etc. 

 

The coolest thing was getting rid of stuff and living without it. And of course some of the places we went.

 

I think it greatly contributed to the demise of my marriage. Which has ended up being a good thing, but incredibly painful at the time. 

 

Life on the road can be very romanticized. I tried not to do that--but I did. And my ex REALLY did.

 

With marriage problems already, I think it is a really bad idea. With such young kids? Even worse idea. 

 

 

post #31 of 31

We did it, not in an RV though, on a boat, with young kids (infants and toddler) off and on for five years. So similar space-wise and also nomadic. It WAS a lot of work but so well worth it. Kids that young don't have to be tied down to one spot. They don't need school, preschool, sports teams, lessons etc at that age that you need to be home for. We would visit the local libraries in the various communities we ended up in, the kids would partake in storytimes and such, as well as the museums, we could often find free kids programs going on that the kids enjoyed. Plus there's playgrounds, the Y, parent-tot groups, etc, so lots of opportunity for socialization (which was the ONE thing people would ask me everytime - "don't your kids need to socialize???"eyesroll.gif)

I wouldn't even worry about the kids, seriously, they're adaptable.

 

I wasn't clear - are you planning on selling your home? If so is that absolutely nessessary to this venture? Another option is to rent it to cover your mortgage, taxes and some basic upkeep.

 

Also, our marriage was heading down the toilet fast when we made our final descision to do this. Getting away from the norm and being in control of our own lives helped so much. We set our own schedule, worked together, problem solved together, helped each other with the kids, talked a LOT, (and argued too ) and learned how to have fun again.

 

When we were done (for the time being) we sold the house, built another one, started a business, put the kids in school and so on. It was tight for a while but it's getting much better now. And the knowledge and worldliness that our kids gained was incredible, it was such an education for them : )

 

Best luck with whatever you do !

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