Help with weaning

[carolm1]

I really need some help. My daughter isnt nursing as much as she used to and I want to do child-led but I am having some problems that have become to hard to handle and I am currently looking for help so I can give my family what they deserve. The only problem is I am still nursing my daughter. As much as I love doing it and enjoy knowing that she gets comfort when she needs it, I don't want to harm her. She nurses in the morning, a few minutes at nap time ( which is normally about 1-2) then at bedtime. Shee still comes to do random nursing that last from a few seconds to a few minutes plus. I really don't want to stop but I don't see any other option. I offer her other drinks but she still wants to nurse.

[CI Mama]

How old is your daughter? And what are the problems that you are having a hard time handling?

Weaning can happen in a lot of different ways on different time frames, it's very unique to each child and family.

You indicate that you enjoy nursing and she derives comfort, so I'm not sure what specific problem or "harm" you are trying to address. Can you tell us a little bit more?

[carolm1]

My daughter is 15 months old. After she was born I went and talked to mental health counselors. At first they just thought I had post partum depression till I told them that when I was a child I tried to commit suicide, when my dad died I started harming myself,  and have had times where I have planned out killing myself. While I had a happy pregnancy with my daughter, unlike with my son, I still had urges and thoughts about harming me, the only thing that stopped me are my kids.  When I went and talked to the counselors they informed me that any medication I take would have an effect on my daughter so I could not breastfeed her. It didn’t help that my husband, while more than happy to have me not breastfeed, wasn’t interested in supporting me if I wanted to use medication.  Also, breastfeeding her was one thing I had always wanted to do and was able to do it with her, where with her brother he was about the size of a preemie at 41 weeks and had a hard time nursing.  During her first year I still had problems, and now its came to the point where I wake up in the morning and the first thing I think about is killing myself as my daughter lays next to me, happy to be near her mom.  I have tried talking it out with my husband, I feel that doesn’t help as he rarely offers support or doesn’t pay attention and forgets a minute later. I have written down how I feel, as the counselors have suggested, and that doesn’t help either.  I need ideas on how to help my daughter self wean as most of her nursing is for comfort except when she is going to sleep or in the morning just in case they insist, again, that I use medication.

[CI Mama]

Thank you for sharing more, that is very helpful in understanding your situation.

I am not a professional and I don't know much about the kind of mental health issues that you're describing. But I just want to say...having suicidal thoughts upon waking each morning cannot be fun. I'm sorry you're dealing with that, and I'm glad you're getting help. Nothing would be harder for your kids than losing you. It sounds like you are weaning so that you can begin taking medications that will help you. I consider that a wise and loving thing for your kids; your good mental health is important for them as well as you.

In terms of weaning, your DD is old enough to accept boundaries. So I recommend starting by limiting how often you nurse. If you're able to gradually wean, you can reduce bit by bit. When I weaned DD, we stopped nursing in public. Then we stopped nursing during the day. Then we stopped nursing at night. The last session to go was right before bed. That was the order that made sense to us.

You can still offer comfort to your kids, even without nursing. You can cuddle them, rock them, sing to them, whatever works for you & helps them feel better. Your DD can understand that she will now ask mama for a hug or for snuggle time instead of for breastmilk.

Those are just a couple of ideas. I hope others weigh in as well.

Good luck & please let us know how you're doing!

[Marissamom]

also, find out what medications they could put you on and call the Infant Risk Center, there may be one that you can take while breastfeeding, some doctors are overly cautious when it comes to medications and breastfeeding women

[carolm1]

Thank you both very much. I will try these suggestions and keep you posted.

[carolm1]

I have talked with someone from the VA today, and I have a worker there going to set up an appointment for me. Its so hard trying to find help here in PA.

[DDNemo]

I haven't been on MDC in a long time now, but I came back looking today because my 3.5 year old daughter just weaned with some gentle help from me.

I wanted to say I had a friend that had to wean her son to go on medication, I think he was also about 15 months, and she said that after 3 days he was fine and used to it.  He fussed a little at bedtime, but he was soothed by putting his hand on her breast.  : )

I was hoping my daughter would self wean by the time she was 3.5, but no.  I was worried about her fussing and crying, but like pp said, we cut some out gradually, no nursing in public, not in the day, but night and morning were too hard for me to cut back on, and finally I just told her " We have three more days, an then there will be no more milk."  She said Ok, but I was waiting for the melt down at bed time.  It didn't happen!!  Seriously.  She did ask once, but when i said no, she was fine with that.

Anyhow, I was really afraid of causing her emotional harm, but I think I may have been more worried about it than necessary.    Kids are good at adapting.

Hope that helps a little!