how much childcare is too much?

[chiromama01]

this may be a bit long winded, but here goes...

my dd is 2 and 1/2, and she is currently enrolled in a mom's day out program for 4 mornings a week (9- 2:30).  I work 2 evenings a week and 2 mornings a week.  The 2 mornings I don't work, I can get things done around the house, groceries, etc.  (DH is working full time and in law school in the evening, so most of the chores, etc fall on me) The problem: DD has started to become overly cranky with the 4 morning a week schedule and much prefers only 2 mornings a week. So, do I give up my only 12 hours a week to be productive around the house, go to the gym, etc for her sake or do I keep the 4 day schedule, knowing that she only goes to childcare 20 hours a week and that isn't so bad???  I don't want to neglect her, but I don't know if I can handle everything without the extra help..

thoughts? suggestions? been there?

[carmel23]

Can you go and observe on the days where you aren't working to see what is going on?  Maybe she doesn't feel connected to the caregiver, etc?  Maybe another child is picking on her, but she can't express this to the staff?  Something like that? 

[Justmee]

I agree from what you are saying it doesn't seem like "too much" child care. DS is out 7:30 - 1:30 5x a week and only some of that is when I am working. He loves it there.

Maybe the current childcare isn't a good fit?

[mamabelle]

I don't know what to tell you except to share our experience.  Our son had a very tough time adjusting to daycare, and because of different reasons we are on our 3rd daycare.  He is now well-adjusted, loves his daycare, and has no problem going 4 days/week.  However, whenever our routine is disrupted by vacation or illness or other reason to not go to daycare on regular daycare days... we go through a rough patch of getting him back into the routine.  After a 2-week vacation, it took 2 weeks back in daycare before he was happy with the routine again. 

I don't know if this helps, but I know how heart wrenching it feels to drop your child off at daycare when they are telling you they don't want to go.  We stuck with it because we know he was happy there before his routine was disrupted, he tells us that he loves his care providers (and so do we!), and that it was tough for him to go in the first place.  Our toddler thrives on routine and once it became routine again, he is happy to go.  He even asks to go on the weekends! 

If your child really doesn't ever like it, I agree with the other posters that maybe something is going on at daycare or it isn't a good fit.  Good luck and let us know how it works out.

[Adaline'sMama]

Is there a way you could just give up one morning? Could she go three days a week?

[mom2lucy]

20 hrs. a week doesn't seem like too much but if she's really having a hard time with it, I personally would try to cut back to only having her go when you work.  I totally understand how productive those other mornings are without her, but (at least this is what I think to help me) she's only going to be around for a few more years until starting school and once that happens you'll have much more time to be productive.

Do you have any family in town that can help you out or possibly hire a mothers helper so that she can still be with you but you're able to get stuff done?

Also, I'm assuming you're a chiropractor and I am too!  Do you own your own practice?  If so, I completely understand the need for that downtime to get things accomplished, and even just to have some time to not talk to anyone and not to be "needed" by anyone.

[chiromama01]

mom2lucy, you figured me out (I'm so cryptic, I know...) yes I am a chiro and yes I own my own practice, and that's exactly what those 12 hours are for me, time to not be "needed" by anyone!!!!

I do have family, my mom keeps her on Mon/Wed eve so I can work, then she's at daycare Tu/Thu am so I can work...so I've tapped out the free help :)

I could do 3 days a week, but I would still have to pay for 4, since the school only offers 2 or 4 day enrollment.

Her routine is hugely important, and maybe thats why she had a hard time this summer, because her routine was off.  (the hours for summer camp were different than the regular school year).  thanks for the different perspective mamabelle!

As far as possible changing childcare centers, this is by far the best one available.  She adores her care givers (one of them is babysitting her this summer while we wait for the school year to start up again) so I don't think that's the issue.  I have also considered that not only will she be in full time school soon enough, but we're also expecting baby #2 in 03/2012, so it's the last few months for just me and her time....

my goodness, nothing is easy.  there seem to be pro's and con's for each and i just can't decided.  luckily I have another few weeks to make up my mind.....

[carmel23]

Originally Posted by chiromama01 

my goodness, nothing is easy.  there seem to be pro's and con's for each and i just can't decided.  luckily I have another few weeks to make up my mind.....

yeah, welcome to the life of a parent!  nothing is easy, clear cut.  If she does love her care giver, I would just gently remind her that it is safe to go to daycare, and that she does have fun.  She may sense that you are a little nervous dropping her off, and often time toddlers say they don't want to go because they do miss their parents, so the separation anxiety has nothing to do with the caregivers, but with not being with mommy/daddy.  So, I would say to continue with the daycare--avoiding it or dropping out at this point might confirm that there is something to be afraid of with daycare.  Maybe take breaks here or there, but I would keep up the consistency. 

[mom2lucy]

Originally Posted by carmel23 

yeah, welcome to the life of a parent!  nothing is easy, clear cut.  If she does love her care giver, I would just gently remind her that it is safe to go to daycare, and that she does have fun.  She may sense that you are a little nervous dropping her off, and often time toddlers say they don't want to go because they do miss their parents, so the separation anxiety has nothing to do with the caregivers, but with not being with mommy/daddy.  So, I would say to continue with the daycare--avoiding it or dropping out at this point might confirm that there is something to be afraid of with daycare.  Maybe take breaks here or there, but I would keep up the consistency. 

ITA with this after reading your second post.  Good luck with your decision!  Also, I'm going to message you to ask some other business related questions...if you don't mind :)

[sarahr]

How is her napping when she's at daycare? Could she be cranky because she's not sleeping enough? If that's the case, could you pick her up early on the days when you're not working -- you'd have to be home then while she's napping, but you'd still have time to yourself.

[mommy68]

Originally Posted by RachelEve14 

Maybe the current childcare isn't a good fit?

This is what I was going to say. :)  There are a lot of parents who both work and children have to go to childcare much longer each day and then have a babysitter over on weekends for date nights for the parents or what have you. I think it's good for you to have that YOU time as well if you can afford it and can manage it. I wouldn't change anything. It could be a phase as well.