Do you let your older kid (6-9 yr old) win at games? - Page 2

[missbaby]

No!  I have a sibling who was always allowed to win at games by family members and to this day she is a really bad sport if she doesn't.  Even when she wins, she gloats and is unpleasant and takes all the fun out of the game.  It really makes sense that she turned out this way since, how can someone be gracious at winning when they have never lost? 

I would rather teach my kids that sometimes you win, sometimes you lose.  I want them to know that it's all about how you play the game and it's great when you win but ok to lose. 

[Dar]

Some games of skill, like Set, my daughter could fairly beat me at by the time she was five... for others, at that age, if she was losing I would generally ask if she wanted me to not play as hard for a while, and let her win a bit, and I'd leave it up to her... sometimes she'd say yes, and sometimes no. Winning a game with a 6 year old never really mattered to me but for a while it did to her, so I didn't mind letting her win if she wanted.

By 9 she was pretty much past that, and we mostly played games that were a mix of skill and luck, and she did generally win a decent percentage of the time. So, it was good.

I still remember finding out that my grandpa had been throwing chess games against my brother (and by extension, I figured he was doing it against me). We were 11 and 9 and the time, and I felt really betrayed,

[loraxc]

Never without acknowledging it. However, if she is frustrated I'll ask her if she wants me to play my hardest or not. It hasn't come up in a while. We do try to buy games with enough of a luck element so the kids have a chance.

I don't usually let the 3yo win, either, but I don't completely whomp him without mercy. He actually does beat me at Uno sometimes.

[kathymuggle]

Thanks for the input, everyone.

[clockworkhobbsy]

I didn't vote because my ds is too young, but I have played with other children and what I like to do is to play at their level, but let them win each time. I do that by making it challenging but making a small mistake here or there that gives them an opportunity to win. If it's not challenging it's boring for them, and if it's too challenging it's absolutely frustrating. Children are constantly beat down by older adults sometimes that I like the chance to let them be the experts at things. They love it!

My dad relished the chance to beat me at a board game and I always hated him for it (he secretly felt stupid so he used me as a safe person to feel smart around, I think).

[funkymamajoy]

No, we follow the rules of the game but we choose games that my 6 year has a fair chance at winning.

[ollyoxenfree]

Originally Posted by kathymuggle 

Anyone have any good recommendations for co-operative (preferably easy-to-find) games?

TIA!

Perhaps search at BoardGameGeek? I tried to use the search terms non-competitive and co-operative, and nothing turned up in the list of games, but there's a large forum there and you might find a discussion. 

I recall a bunch of games for young children such as Sleeping Grump and Harvest Time, but I don't think they'll work for your age group. We sometimes changed the rules of games to make them less competitive, more cooperative. For Scrabble, we'd all work with one player's letters and try to make the longest word, or the word with the least number of vowels, or only play words that are somehow related to each other. In Carcassone, we'd form strategic alliances and try to build the biggest city or farm together. Role playing games are good to encourage working together for a common goal. 

You have made me realize how long it's been since we played family games. We have a trip to the cottage at the end of the month, so I'll make sure to pack along a few.  

[HollyBearsMom]

never, but I often lose anyway, LOL. 

[velochic]

Originally Posted by Parker'smommy 

I must be the only one that doesn't have to try to lose...lol. Seriously, my kids beat me most of the time....because they are better than me at the game. :)

This made me laugh because we are the same way.  My dd is 9 and she's GOOD at games.  I do try to win.  Every time.  She wins more often than not.  I don't have to let her win because she does it on her own.  She's LUCKY, too!!  Games of chance, like Yahtzee, she seems to win, as well.

[SweetSilver]

I'm guessing by "never" you mean you don't let them win if they didn't earn it.  In that case I might have voted "never" instead of "other".  When one plays chess and go with a player of lesser rank, you give them a handicap.  That way the playing field is leveled.  Other games are more random, and handicaps don't work the same way but you can eliminate a few rules in advance that make playing difficult.  The point is to level the playing field so both opponents are having to work as hard as they can.  A bit like a running race (which, actually, my 6yo can beat me most of the time) a parent could hop on one leg, or give the kid a 3 second head start or have them run a shorter distance.  This way every one competes to the best of their abilities.

     If I am confident the playing field is as level as can be, I have no qualms about winning.  If my daughter makes a bad decision, I might ask her if she wants to try again, but if she insists, well that's how you learn.  And if it ends up being as bad a move as I think then I tell her what went wrong.  DH is the better chess player, and every game is a teaching game.  

     So, yes, I guess "other" is the accurate vote for our family.  And we, too, love cooperative games but not in exclusion to competitive ones.  Good sportsmanship is expected absolutely in our house, or we don't play.

[Imakcerka]

I don't let them win, my little one will beg to let me let her win.  She refuses to play games where there is a loser and a winner.  My oldest has been beating me at board games, video games any games... since she was 5.  She beat me at chess right after I taught her how to play. 

I just don't see the good in letting them win, teach them how to play and show them how to have fun. 

[Smokering]

This made me laugh because we are the same way.  My dd is 9 and she's GOOD at games.  I do try to win.  Every time.  She wins more often than not.  I don't have to let her win because she does it on her own.  She's LUCKY, too!!  Games of chance, like Yahtzee, she seems to win, as well.

Heh. I had a sister like this, growing up. She was a holy terror at Monopoly. Beating her one time still ranks as one of my most impressive accomplishments. :p

This thread is reminding me how much I miss board games! DH hates them. We play poker sometimes, and he likes chess, but we currently don't have a chess set (plus, he'd THRASH me - he's the kind of guy who looks up chess strategies on the computer). I'm good at word-type games like Scrabble, but he hates them. I might have to get some friends round to play Pictionary or Upwords some time...

If you have older kids, I can recommend The Oxford Game of the English Language. You can do it with teams or individual players, and it has two categories - "how do you spell..." and "what's the definition of...", the latter being multi-choice. I think it's fascinating. DH thinks it's the most boring and hideous game ever devised. YMMV. :p

[meemee]

i answered rarely. i still try because dd is extremely competitive and is a sore loser.

but she is almost 9. i struggle most of the time to beat her. and if she gets wind that i am letting her win, she gets MAD!!!! at 6 she couldnt catch me v. easily but yes would be mad if she knew i was letting her win. 

i always, always, always get the worst letters in scrabble. 

[KaliShanti]

I don't let my 4 year old win at games. *shrug* Once he knows how to play, unless it's a teaching game of chess (and we still don't let him win just might give him hints on best moves every now and then) whoever truly wins, wins. I sure would hate him to not get the practice of l9sing properly ten play others and always feel he should win. He learns a lot losing, both in skill (f it's a skill-based game like checkers or chess) and in attitude.

[One_Girl]

I let my dd win, not by obviously letting her cheat but by not taking advantage of the best moves even when I can.  She isn't drawn to board games and letting her win a lot is how I get her to play them with me.  She has never been a sore loser at home or at school but she seems to lose the little interest she has in games when she is going through a long losing streak and she will turn down playing the for a long time afterwards and I really love board games so I do what I have to do to be able to enjoy them still.  I think she may take losing so gracefully when it does count because I have modeled being a good loser so often. 

[Mizelenius]

I voted rarely.  To me, there is a big difference between 6 and 9.  I'd let a 6 y.o. win sometimes-- I guess--- but we have MUCH better luck playing cooperative games anyway, so this isn't even an issue.

With my 9 y.o, no, I do not let her win.  In fact, we are playing "Words With Friends" (online scrabble) and she is beating me.  Ugh.  How does this girl come up with 48 point words?  And 53 points?  In the same game?  Consecutive turns?