How to teach your toddler, "No."

[GuavaGirl]

This seems like it should be simple, or second nature, but how do I teach my toddler not to do something.  A few months back when I would say "no" if he was doing something like trying to get in the trash can, or grab something off the table (not toddler friendly) he would stop what he was doing.  Now he knows what it means, but he's so curious and a tad mischievous.  Most of my friends say that spanking is this only way they can understand at this age, but it just doesn't sit right with me.  I don't want to have THAT unruly wild child either.  

My house is pretty child proof, but now he can get on top of the kitchen table in a bout 3 seconds and I'm getting really tired of putting trash back in the trash can.  Plus, when we visit friends, I'm constantly pulling him away from litter boxes and pet food dishes.  (and having to apologize and clean up lots of messes.)

Thoughts?

[octobermom]

 Reply Remove and redirrect , Its fine to say no one day they will both make the connection and see the vaule (overall) in obeying but till then your actions will need to back up your words.

 Here I talk though my actions..

REPLY No no thats the trash no touch.. 

Remove  I'm removing you from the trash beacause its messy and dangerous.. (and if necessary remove the offending object)

redirrect - here lets play with these blocks instead if necessary remove to a diffrent room for a bit (as in we all do it not I stick her in isolation)

Also know that NO is a hard concept thinking in the negitive is advanced. Toddlers don't hear don't touch the plant they hear Touch the plent// Also know is vague, does that mean I can't EVER touch the plant does it mean not NOW but in 10 seconds does it mean this leaf but not that one?  WHat to us can often come off as disobedient or stubborness especially as they get older can very much just be  honest age aprropiate ways of thinking.

SO saying what they can instread often helps.. Gentle hands instead of no touch feet on floor instead of no kicking etc..

Repeat repeat repeat getting it once doesn't mean they will always or that they even WILL regardless. Regardless its our job to keep them safe weather they want or help or not.

Deana

[GuavaGirl]

That's pretty much exactly what I've always been doing.  

Except the "redirect" doesn't work like it used to.  ....and he doesn't give up easily.  ....so there's lots of repetition.  

...and it's wearing on my nerves.   ...and friends look at me like I'm crazy and insinuate that I should be disciplining him.

[ThreeTwoFive]

I just looked at your son's birthday, and I'd say redirecting is the only thing that you can do now.  We just started consequences (time outs for not listening mostly) at 22 months of age.  

Instead of "no" we did a lot of "Not for T."  I like that because there are a lot of things that he can't touch that we can, and in situations with other kids (or if you're planning future siblings), it's good to know that some things are off limits just for him.  And the usual advice:  rephrase positively if you can ("bottom on the chair", not "don't stand up"), redirect the energy (jump here, not there; scream outside, not inside), and remove the item (put breakables out of grabbing range). 

[flightgoddess]

That just happens at that age! In obviously dangerous situations (cat litter box, toilet water, scissors, knives, climbing cabinets, etc) I found that quickly saying no and physically moving him from the situation (or at least not facing it anymore) was helpful. And also explaing right away WHY they can't do/touch that. "That litter box is the kitty potty. they go pee and poop in there, it is dirty. Don't touch the kitty's potty! Let's wash your hands clean." And redirect into something else/safe that they CAN do instead. You may have to do it a few times in a row until they get that they are not going to get away with it or get interested in something else. With hitting/kicking/scissors/knives, I probably was a little more harsh, take the item away saying no, holding his hands/legs while sitting on my lap or hugging him backwards, and explaing WHY you shouldn't hit, kick, knives, whatever. Usually there was some crying, but I'd explain that I want him to be safe, I don't want any boo boos/owies, etc. It will take some time, but over time, they will understand more :)  Now, at almost 3, I trust my lil guy enough to have SUPERVISED time with child scissors next to me, or a plastic knife to cut his fruit when we eat together, and to feed the cat without a detour to play in the litterbox, that you can only kick soccer balls, etc.

If you are consistant and your child responds well, you will be amazed at how much they will mature.

[octobermom]

The more they mature and learn thry can manuplate there surroundings the more they will test  the boundries. I DO NOT say that to mean anything negitive its just age appropiate nothing more nothing less.. 

 As for discipline you ARE by enforcing appropiate boundries and taking whatever time to see that they are followed IS discipline. OH and BTW I've been around the spanks many many times I've seen little to no diffrence in the amount of times thye STILL have to say no.
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Originally Posted by GuavaGirl 

That's pretty much exactly what I've always been doing.  

Except the "redirect" doesn't work like it used to.  ....and he doesn't give up easily.  ....so there's lots of repetition.  

...and it's wearing on my nerves.   ...and friends look at me like I'm crazy and insinuate that I should be disciplining him.

[Snapdragon]

I like to say no gently if I want him to know not to do something.   I like to try to not draw a great deal of attention or weight to the thing I am not wanting him to do- so then I try to do something that will draw his attention to something new and exciting! If it is something that is dangerous, such as trying to put his fingers in the electric socket or fan or something, I just pick him up and move him to another place.  Other times with saying no, for various reasons, he may get upset about it and cry while I am removing him from something but he usually gets over it pretty quickly. I don't think being punitive is a good approach for teaching no- because they are just learning things for the first time!   I do think it is okay if they don't understand why you are saying no and you are knowing that you are doing it for safety or to avoid a mess, or whatever reason, and they have to just accept it.