Chores

[yentroc]

How did you start instituting chores in your house?  At what age?  And what chores?

My dd is 6 and I've started having her put her dishes in the sink/dishwasher after eating and picking up after herself.  All of this is with a fight and she always asks if she will get some sort of "reward" for doing it.  (she doesn't)

I'd love some ideas.  Thanks!

[MistyMommy]

I started when my son was about 5 with a couple of small tasks each week like emptying the bathroom garbage and bringing his laundry to the laundry room.  Moved up to a few more like collecting all the house garbage, bringing in the milk delivery each week.  Now that he is 7.5 he still does all of those plus a few more.  Once a week he vacuums the office where our computers are, he needs to spray/wash his desk, do regular house pickups, we do a mad dash 20 minute clean up in his room once a week that makes a huge difference.  I try to have a small maybe 5 minute task that he does each day.

We talk about everyone in the family contributing something to make the household run smoothly and that as he gets older he will absorb more responsibilities because that is how he will learn to run his own house when he is older.  We tie in no rewards or allowance to these daily tasks, they are just part of what we do as a family.

We give him $15 in spending money each month that he can spend or save as he wishes.  Nothing is tied into the money and it is never taken away as a punishment.  I prefer to keep daily housework and money separated.  As he gets older we plan on offering extra jobs that he can do to earn extra money.  Things really outside the daily stuff, things like repainting the door trim, scrubbing all the hardwood floors, washing the windows.  Stuff that would be hard work but would also reap nice rewards if he wanted to do them.  Lawn mowing, however, will be a "family chore" with no monetary reward. 

[cappuccinosmom]

We start in toddlerhood.  At that age they can "help" by taking a toy to the toybox when it's cleanup time, taking a light cup (plastic) and tossing it in the sink after supper, using a wet washcloth to wipe the table.  Obviously they are not jobs the kid actually does, just practice and getting used to the idea that everybody in the house pitches in, and it's fun. :)

Right now my 4 yo's "chores" are helping when it's pick up toys time, practicing making the bed (he has some small blankets that are easy for him to straighten out), carrying or fetching small items occasionally, and folding washclothes.

We don't actually have chores listed out.  The two older boys are 6 and 8, and they do the supper dishes.  8 yo washes, 6 yo dries.  Apart from that they aren't asked to do a whole lot, but the understanding is that when they are asked, they do it.  So tidying their toys, putting stuff away for me, sweeping the porch.  They usually *ask* to be allowed to vaccuum. :D

[meemee]

i come from a different perspective.

i dont and have never really done 'chores'. its more of a i need help because this is too much for me to do stuff. i started asking for help when dd loved helping. so its always been a part of our life. wiping the table at 2, taking all the leftovers to teh kitchen after eating. its like second nature to her. however i never asked her help to clean up her toys. she had a particular hard time with that. sometimes she would help me when i was doing it (actually when friends came over and it went crazy she always pitched in). 

i also look at stuff she likes. so at 5 she started cooking and by 6 she was making dinner. she enjoyed that. she does the laundry and puts them away when she is home. she puts the dry dishes away and sometimes does dishes too. 

i also dont insist on a time. i give her warnings (if she forgets) that it would be helpful if she did it before.... sometimes she also can opt out of the chore. if she is doing something really interesting and cant pull away. however sometimes she doesnt have that choice. sometimes she does extra for me since i am involved in something i cant get away.

right from when she was young we've been volunteering and doing a bunch of things. so she really gets the concept of help. we also go help friends out. 

last week we were at a monastery and you would not have found a more enthusiastic window cleaner and leaf sweeper. she loved it and cant wait to go back and do more. 

it is harder to do at home, than outside. but as she has told me - its teh way i ask and the tone of voice that makes the big difference. yeah she is very sensitive. 

i have never paid her nor had my friends pay her for her work. however friends are allowed to treat us to icecream or something to say thank you. 

[dovey]

I wanted to chime in about doing chores only with a fight.  My 5 year old daughter is sometimes that way - especially if she isn't expecting it to be chore time.  I have found that it helps when I don't spring it on her as a surprise.  (i.e. She cleans up the toys every night before bedtime.)  Also, the first few weeks after I instituted formal chores included a lot more arguing about it.  Once everybody understood that these chores were just going to be part of life, the fighting went way down.

[philomom]

Everyone who lives in my house contributes to its care.. except the cat. Even my breadwinner dh can be seen doing chores nightly. The house is lovelier and our routines run smoother when things are picked up and nice.

The kids started helping in toddlerhood and now as teens they have a small list of their own responsibilities. When I need help.. I yell "all hands on deck" and they know to come running.

Allowance is not tied to chores. Their money is to learn to save and spend. Chores are just a part of life.

[junipermoon]

Cheers to y'all who've worked out the chore thing.  I feel like I'm sorta buckling under the weight of the chores and my (15, 10, and 2) boys were never really trained with things in the ways I should have.  So, to anyone who used to have kids not helping but intervened to where they now help--what did you do to help get things on track?

[junipermoon]

and, cappuchinos mom, every time i read your posts I feel warm and fuzzy...you seem like such a good and resourceful and dedicated mama...hats off to you. 

[philomom]

Originally Posted by junipermoon 

Cheers to y'all who've worked out the chore thing.  I feel like I'm sorta buckling under the weight of the chores and my (15, 10, and 2) boys were never really trained with things in the ways I should have.  So, to anyone who used to have kids not helping but intervened to where they now help--what did you do to help get things on track?

I would sit them down for a serious family meeting and explain why you need their help. If they refuse to help.. they may be denied a privilege. The 15 and 10 year olds need to understand that someday they will have a boss and bosses like things done. At two years old, just praise any fledgling efforts the little fellow makes to help.