2nd time and beyond mamas - Page 2

[Thursday Girl]

Hey Judy, so glad you are joining us, now I have 2 former ddc friends in my new ddc!!!

[BCmamaof6]

Um...well been there done that so many times...each pregnancy has been different. I've also suffered many losses so I'm kinda cynical for the first few weeks. 

[rajahkat]

Yeah, each is different. I think I was
least connected to my first. I just didn't really have a great concept of babe being a person. I was really ready to be pregnant this time, so I'm super excited. I've also never gotten a BFP this early, so I feel like it's going to be a longer pregnancy;)

[vivica2]

hey ladies! im on #3 (6th pregnancy) and im SOOOOOOOOOO GLAD its not my first! haha i was a nervous wreck. scared to eat the wrong thing, scared to take a hot shower, scared to go outside and get sick etc.... i feel like a pro now, and im good with that. :) i get to enjoy it this time!

[justKate]

Originally Posted by vivica2 

hey ladies! im on #3 (6th pregnancy) and im SOOOOOOOOOO GLAD its not my first! haha i was a nervous wreck. scared to eat the wrong thing, scared to take a hot shower, scared to go outside and get sick etc.... i feel like a pro now, and im good with that. :) i get to enjoy it this time!

I remember a lot of fear with #1, too, and no matter how many people said to chill out, I still stressed about that stuff. Like I worried about being hungry (what if the baby's hungry?).  This time I'm just doing my best and going with the flow a lot more.

[sallyrae17]

I feel pretty calm and relaxed about everything. This is my 4th pregnancy, but second babe. I had two miscarriages before my son was born and they were both early, so I worry a little bit about that. On the whole, though, I can feel the presence of my new babe and I trust my body. The first time around I was really focused on the birth (which was the exact opposite of what I wanted), but this time I know that none of it really matters. You get a beautiful baby at the end and whatever you go through is worth it. Even if it's not the perfect birth or pregnancy you envisioned. 

[NCMtnMama]

So besides the tiredness, I'd been going on basically as if nothing was different, until today.

This morning I had a freak accident where I got wrapped up in the dog's leash as he went bounding for something, and I tripped and fell hard on rocks. I'm still not completely sure how it happened, I have cuts and bruises all over. I had some cramping, so I laid down for a while and took it easy all day. I was out of town from my midwives, and I know there is nothing they could have done anyway. I think the whole thing just scared me more than anything. I mean it was a weird accident - I would have been in the same position if I were not pregnant at all or if I were 8 months.

I don't even now why I'm posting this here, really. I think I just needed to get it off my chest. I guess I need to be more careful, but in this situation it really wouldn't have helped or changed anything. It just got me thinking about that there really is something growing inside me that needs protecting.

[flavorfull1]

I am sorry NCmtnmama, that sounds really scary.  I felt the same way when I had spotting, all of a sudden I felt really protective and like I needed to pay attention and slow down.  Hope you heal quickly and feel at peace soon!

[babycatcher01]

Originally Posted by BCmamaof6 

Um...well been there done that so many times...each pregnancy has been different. I've also suffered many losses so I'm kinda cynical for the first few weeks. 

Iam on my 5th pregnancy, I had a mis in between my boys. I know the cynical feeling even though I only had one miscarage. Im always looking for the signs of a miss till after 12 weeks. That fears fallows me around till then. Wish I could shake myself from those feelings.

[justKate]

So has anyone noticed any major differences between this pg and your previous one(s)?    For me, I feel a lot more stretching in my pelvis/uterus/whatever muscles those are.  That's really it.  Less hungry, maybe.  It's a good pg so far.

One funny thing that is the same, is my emotional state.  I remember crying about TV commercials a lot during my last pg, and not being able to watch the news or the investigation-type shows that I had always liked.  We don't have cable anymore, so no need to worry about commercials now. This time, my emotional meltdowns all center on my DD, but they're essentially the same--what would happen to DD if something happened to me?  What if DD is in a car accident when she's with my parents?  Silly things that you can't worry about, and I usually don't, but somehow being pg makes me nutty. 

[flavorfull1]

Things that are different:  less throwing up but more nausea....until yesterday?  I vaguely remember things getting better around 8 weeks last time too.  Not gone but manageable.  Super bloated/stretchy.  It is like my body is like "you are pg, you should look like it"  but all my clothes fit fine?  I am nursing so that is a whole new world of fatigue and selflessness, no taking a nap or stopping when I want to.

Things that are the same:  Emotional/crying because of things like commercials or music montages at the end of a dramatic show.  I even got wispy on a run the other day because of the music I was listening to! Hip pain, I have to have a pillow between my knees already!

I am already getting emotional about how our family is changing and how it will impact my son, both positively and negatively.  I am a huge fan of siblings but I have moments of wanting to make my moments last longer with DS right now. I am very aware that I will never have this time back with him...ok stopping now because of the previously mentioned emotional thing...

[SweetPotato]

I'm much sicker this time around, and definitely more stretchy-bloated feeling.  Much less stressed, though I'm still a food safety freak.  I think, since I had the mcs before dd, with that pg I was wondering if I woud EVER be a mother, etc.  This time, I don't want to sounds heartless, but I am a mother, my family is already amazing and full and complete.  I would be very sad if something went wrong, but I don't think I would have been as devastated as if something had happened with dd.  That said, now that I'm past 9 weeks, seen a heartbeat, etc. I'm allowing myself to feela lot more confident, which means that I'm starting to bond more and getting excited about all the happy changes and new possibilities with this little monkey.  But so much of my focus still is on dd- she's been my constant companion for 6 years now- really, the focus of my life.  She's starting school next week, so that's taking up a lot of attention and energy.  Definitely not sitting around obsessing like I did last time.

[Blueone]

With my first I was a bit in denial until I found out then I was beyond excited.  I was a bit more careful and anxious to make sure I did everything right.  I knew instantly it was a boy and was pretty connected. This pregnancy itself is different though, I don't recall being queasy with my son like I am this time.  It generally hits in the evening, not always though.  I'm already looking like I did around 11 weeks too. 

This time, I knew something was up early on.  I'm not anxious, I feel just as connected (I have strong feelings it's a girl).  But since I have a toddler to take care of I don't think about it all of time I guess.  I don't know.  It's just different.  I went through it once already and sort of know what to expect.  Sure somethings will be new and all, but over all I've gone through the labor and delivery once before, I took care of a newborn, etc.  Although, I'm a bit worried about doing it with a nearly 3 year old when the time comes, but I know I can do it.

Edited by Blueone - 9/1/11 at 1:45pm

[Carson]

Yeah, I was just thinking how completely different it is to be PG the 2nd time around.  There definitely is a lot less wonder about the process. And like others said, I'm not sitting around stewing about it all day. 

I was not emotional last PG really. But this time around, I feel much more hormonal.  Random things make me choked up and there are times when I see DS and cuddle him so hard because my heart is just bursting with love for him.  I have the same thing for DH.

Physically, I am not nauseous in the AM, but then I have to hit the ground running with a toddler, ya know?  I notice the queasies more at night when I'm not on the go. I also feel more bloaty and yucky, but I started my first PGcy in literally the best shape of my life and this time, I was comfortably active but not super fit.

[forestmushroom]

hi mamas, I am preggo with my 5th baby, and it is super early.  But can a mama of 4+ talk some sense into me?  I just feel like we are freaks!  I am afraid of my family's reaction... I just am afraid of being a bad mom to 5 kids.  I am afraid of not being able to do for my kids what I should (provide for them).  O

m just feeling weird, I guess.  I mean I know no one ever says, "we really shouldn't have had that 5th child!" 

But I am just all over the place.  I want this baby, and love it, but don't know how to deal with the world and all of its demands.  Thursday girl, I think it is because I have a lot of friends who are parents to onlies.... and something you wrote about not really being able to be around them.  I feel bad admitting that (these are my friends!) but it miht have something to do with that.  My kids are a lot more free, but they make me feel like because I am not constantly taking them to the children's museum or XYZ I am negligent.  I like to just be with my kids... they aren't a life project but people whom I love.  Sorry if that sounds harsh.... I am just feeling kind of wacky. What you wrote kind of stuck a chord with me.

[broodymama]

forestmushroom - I definitely understand how you feel!  This is #5 for us also, very much a surprise, my other kids are 1, 3, 5 and just turned 7.  I'm not looking forward to telling our families either since we got such bad reactions to the news of #4 coming along.  I'm still a bit panicky when I think of it all (fitting them all in the van, stuffing some bunk beds in a room so it'll accommodate 3 kids, just the sheer amount of stuff in the house. 

We definitely don't do as much as smaller families do, just because of the $$$ involved and we're carefully watching our budget.  We took the kids to the zoo yesterday and that was definitely a big outing for us.  At first I was worried that my kids were disappointed because we didn't get any gifts from the gift shop, or because we brought lunch instead of buying lunch there.  Then when I watched the kids running around at lunch, I realized that they were having as much fun with the picnic in the woods by the zoo parking lot as they were in the zoo itself.  I think sometimes I'm projecting what I remember from my childhood onto my kids.  I was a nearly-only child (my half-brother is 11 years younger than I am, so we were both practically raised as only children.)  I need to remember to see things through my KIDS' eyes, and not through my memories from being a kid. 

A few weeks ago DS1 was writing the word "rich" on the whiteboard as part of a phrase for spelling and he said "Mommy, rich means people have a lot of money.  We don't have a lot of money, but we have a lot of people in our family.  We're rich in people instead of money, I like that better."  I need to see things through their eyes.

[flavorfull1]

I am a kid of a family of five kids and I want to just give encouragement that I LOVE it!  I could not imagine a world better.  Seriously, we ate pb and j a lot and had beans and franks and I knew that we didn't get to do all the things that pretty much everyone else did.  BUT, I never felt cheated or like my life wasn't as good.  As a kid, I just knew that my family was different...we didn't get a birthday party every year, etc.  But I also knew that I had parents that really loved me, spent time with me, and my siblings were and still are my best friends.  I cannot stress enough how valuable it was for me to basically just play outside every day with siblings and cousins and use our imaginations.  The older I get the more I realize just how awesome it is to be a part of a big family.  I have four other people that I can talk to about memories and my interpretation of childhood experiences.  It is literally the best gift my parents have given me aside from the values and faith they taught me.  My mom wasn't able to be everything to everyone in the sense of right there with undivided attention but I knew my mom loved us all equally and would do anything for us.  I honestly feel no compromise with having that many kids in my family except for material things and I am glad about that.  I just wanted to encourage moms of many- it is a gift, you may feel crazy a lot of the days but it is a gift to each of your kids.

[forestmushroom]

Flavorfull1,  and Red Sonja,

Thank you for your kind words and camaraderie! I hope I don't sound like too much of a jerk. 

I absolutely love watching my kids play together outside.  <3 They have cousins that are very close to them as well.  I hope I can be the best mom to all of my kids I can be! 

[justKate]

forestmushroom, I think it makes sense what you're saying, and doesn't sound bad at all.  Everyone makes their own choices, right?  And some are blessed with more children, some with challenges.... your family will be perfect, however many people it ultimately includes. 

As for me, I really don't remember feeling crappy for this long last pg--but maybe I did.  Maybe that means this is a boy?  Or maybe I'm just getting wimpy with age?

[Itsasecret]

Originally Posted by flavorfull1 

I am a kid of a family of five kids and I want to just give encouragement that I LOVE it!  I could not imagine a world better.  Seriously, we ate pb and j a lot and had beans and franks and I knew that we didn't get to do all the things that pretty much everyone else did.  BUT, I never felt cheated or like my life wasn't as good.  As a kid, I just knew that my family was different...we didn't get a birthday party every year, etc.  But I also knew that I had parents that really loved me, spent time with me, and my siblings were and still are my best friends.  I cannot stress enough how valuable it was for me to basically just play outside every day with siblings and cousins and use our imaginations.  The older I get the more I realize just how awesome it is to be a part of a big family.  I have four other people that I can talk to about memories and my interpretation of childhood experiences.  It is literally the best gift my parents have given me aside from the values and faith they taught me.  My mom wasn't able to be everything to everyone in the sense of right there with undivided attention but I knew my mom loved us all equally and would do anything for us.  I honestly feel no compromise with having that many kids in my family except for material things and I am glad about that.  I just wanted to encourage moms of many- it is a gift, you may feel crazy a lot of the days but it is a gift to each of your kids.

That is lovely!

I have six kids (this is #7) and my older kids feel the same way. In fact, my 19yos moved back to TX at the beginning of summer. All year long he talked about how he couldn't wait to get away from us - the little boys always in his stuff, the dog hair in his clean clothes, always budgeting every purchase and sometimes putting things off for a long while. You know what, he lasted all of six weeks before he called and asked if he could come back. Of course he could. He missed his huge family, little brothers and even the dog! So, he moved back, applied to the local state university, lives in the dorm (for a little independence and privacy) and has come home every weekend because he misses us! Hah!

When he was in TX he stayed with a friend. He thought this friend was so cool. When he came back he said, "That's not a family, I feel sorry for him." He learned a lot of lessons this summer.

Now, it's true that as they go through their teen years and see their friends with so much more disposable income, nicer clothes, cars and shoes, they may resent being in a large family, but they come around. My 14yo is going through that stage now. And by they way, homeschoolers go through the same emotions (we homeschooled our oldest dd through graduation and our 19yos through 11th grade).