Back to school time is always so hard

[velochic]

Wondering if anyone else out there gets depressed/terribly sad when their kids go back to school?  Dd goes back in a week and I know I'll miss her so much.  Our summers are so wonderful together.  We truly enjoy each others company and we do a lot of interesting things.  Just having her around for conversation is a blessing.  I know when she's back in school, it will be rush-rush-rush 5 days a week.   (And she's not really involved in much, at all!)  It's just that she's up at 6:30, out the door at 7:00 and not home until 4:15 - 4:30.  It seems we have so little time together when school is in session.  I just hate this time of year.  Unfortunately (said tongue-in-cheek), she loves school and thrives there.  While she really wants to go back to see her friends and have a more structured day, she also enjoys our summers together.  You'd think by 4th grade I would have gotten over this part of parenting.  ;)  Does anyone else *not* look forward to their children going back to school?

[whatsnextmom]

Some years I am, some years I'm not. It really depends on how the summer has gone for us. When my DD was in early elementary, summers were blissful. However, my youngest is intensely social and so those early elementary summers were really tough for him (and thus tough on us.) This year, I'm both sad and happy summer will end in 4 weeks. My kids 10 and 14 have been incredibly busy this summer. I've barely seen my 14-year-old.... I mean she's been out of the house from 9 to 9 most days. I'm incredibly proud of what she's doing and she's having the time of her life but I saw more of her during the school year. DS 10 has been home a "little" more but he chose to take an online math course to accelerate in middle school and so he's been spending most home time on that and then in activities most the afternoon and evenings. We still have had to get up early and drive around. We still have pick-up times and projects to be done. It's DH's busiest season for work and so he puts in more hours and travel was not possible this summer. There have been some fantastic moments and achievements this summer but I admit, I've been sorta lonely lol.

To cap, I'll be sad the summer is over and we didn't get to really "do summer" but I also know that school means they'll be around more and I look forward to that.

[meetoo]

why is her day so long?

[Linda on the move]

Originally Posted by meetoo 

why is her day so long?

She goes to a private school, which is wonderful and a great fit for her, but is far from their house.

(I remember from last year)

velochic -- I know you love your DD very much and that you are doing the best things for her, even though at times they are hard for you.

[Emmeline II]

Originally Posted by Linda on the move 
She goes to a private school, which is wonderful and a great fit for her, but is far from their house.

Seems like there may be lots of time for car chats -- though it may not be the most relaxing time, there is some benefit to that. It's one advantage to having to transport ds to/from his charter and therapy appointments.

Otherwise I'm neutral on it. School is a lot of rush, rush, rush, keeping track of assignments, school events, dealing with ds' behavior issues at school and appointments (though hopefully less this year, and ds' new doc just moved his office between home and ds' school! -- sooo excited about that! )...but extroverted dd is really starting to get on introverted ds' nerves and the bickering makes my head hurt. It is waaaay to hot to play outside in the summer, so unless I take them out they are indoors all day. Now I really understand why our parents nipped sibling arguments in the bud--it used to bug me that I couldn't have a nice argument with my sister .

[velochic]

Originally Posted by Linda on the move 

She goes to a private school, which is wonderful and a great fit for her, but is far from their house.

(I remember from last year)

velochic -- I know you love your DD very much and that you are doing the best things for her, even though at times they are hard for you.

Yes, Linda's exactly right.  I will say that the benefit of the long drive is that dd gets a lot of homework done in the car.  Of course there are things that require resources that aren't available in the car, but yes, she has a long day and when she does have to do a lot of homework at the table, it makes it even longer.

She does thrive in this school and loves it so much.  I just miss her when she's in school and the back-to-school time is always an adjustment for me.

[karne]

I am sad when my kids go back to school.  I enjoy them a lot, and I love having our family together.

[velochic]

Originally Posted by karne 

I am sad when my kids go back to school.  I enjoy them a lot, and I love having our family together.

Having the family together... yes, I think that contributes to the way I feel this time of year.  It's not just dd, but dh is a university professor, so life gets so much more busy for him, as well at this time of year.  It's back to school for him, too, and I'm sure that contributes to this sadness I feel.

Thanks for the commiseration, all.

[karne]

Originally Posted by velochic 

Having the family together... yes, I think that contributes to the way I feel this time of year.  It's not just dd, but dh is a university professor, so life gets so much more busy for him, as well at this time of year.  It's back to school for him, too, and I'm sure that contributes to this sadness I feel.

Thanks for the commiseration, all.

My dh is in education as well, so summer really is "family" time-not that he's less busy, but the dynamic is different.  Sometimes I feel like an odd duck saying I'm sad to see the summer end.  My kids are happy at school, that's not the issue.  It's just that time goes by, and I treasure what we have together.

[meemee]

yes i can relate to you. more so because dd tolerates school at the academic level but loves her friends and teachers (this year is going to be hard coz one of her fav. teachers retired. most afternoons when i went to pick her up i'd find her in his class chatting after she ran out of her own class) so school is bittersweet for her. 

however i really enjoy the summer and right around august i start this sadness. 

because during summer dd is such a different child. i see almost no tantrums, no extreme behaviour which reaches its peak right before she is out of school. she is so much more relaxed, willing to help... just in a good mood with no arguing. more understanding when things dont go her way. 

at 4th grade she is not fearful at all - no anxiety about what the class will be like. she has already happily started buying school supplies. 

i am starting to slowly wind her down from being up so late. trying to slowly transition to a earlier bedtime is not easy, even though some of the kids here have already started school. 

i am sad now. but i myself start school in a couple of weeks - so that's how long my sadness will remain. after that i dive in and the moment i get settled, dd starts her school. 

i am so grateful dd is not in a year round school. the long summer really works so well for us. 

[annethcz]

I'm right there with you.  I know intellectually that school is a great place for my kids.  They love school, they love seeing their friends everyday, and the structure benefits all of us.

And yet, I mourn the passing of yet another summer.  It took us a little while to get into a good groove this summer... but we're there now.  We're happy and enjoying our time together (most of the time).  I'm going to miss my kids when school starts again, despite the fact that I acknowledge that school is the best place for my children right now.  I'm going to miss our laid back and lovely existence.  Sadly, I know that I probably wouldn't treasure my time with them quite as much if it wasn't such a fleeting commodity. 

[grumpybear]

Technically DS is not going back to school since he will be in school for the first time this fall but I will be terribly missing our funny and interesting conversations. His questions, his ideas. He will be such a great kid in class.

I often feel like the odd duck because when I ask my friends who are in the same predicament as me (kids going to school for the first time), they're all like, "I can't wait!"

[Linda on the move]

Velochic -- I thought about you yesterday while I was writing down directions to a birthday party. It turns out one of my DDs friends from school lives a solid hour from us (and the school). I had no idea they lived that far! I'm dreading the drive and how much time it will take out of my day, and it's for a one time party.
 

I really admire parents who commit to do drives like that so that their kids can get the best education possible. It's highly commendable.

[mattemma04]

We go through the same thing.We love the summer life we live during the breakThe kids like school for about a week or 2,and then it is complaining almost every day except on party days.If they actually loved going to school the entire time I would accept it better,.The complaining on top of giving up our summer life just makes the year drag till the next summer. It is hard to understand why the kids keep chosing to go back each fall!

[lauren]

I feel sad about it. Even though I work full time, the pace is more relaxed in the summer and I go in a bit later usually. The kids are more relaxed and there is no homework hanging over their heads (well, except for my son who signed up for AP Chem and has had weekly homework all summer....) It is bittersweet when they go back. I am cherishing these last weeks/days.

[FarmerBeth]

I miss letting my oldest sleep in (because he love it so much) and playing late night gin rummy with my daughter and having a day off from work and being able to take off to the beach with all three of my children the whole day, so it's kind of sad.  But I like seeing the enjoyment they have at school, too.  There's always lots of excitement from my older two about the school projects (yeah, weird, they both love projects) and hearing all about gym class from my youngest boy, and the silly stories about the other kids at school.  But I I have remind myself of this stuff when school starts and I have the dreaded task of waking DS up!

[velochic]

Goodness, so much of what you have all said resonates with me.  It's nice to know I'm not alone.  (With the comments I've been hearing at my very part-time job at a public library and the parents of dd's friends I was feeling a little eccentric for not wanting dd to go back to school!!)  The less frenetic pace of summer, sleeping in, no homework, the passing of the seasons and the carefree attitude of summers.  Meemee, I know what you are saying.  Dd has never been a tempter-tantruming child, but her attitude *does* change when she's in school.  She seems less stressed when school's not in session, as much as she may like it.  We are very unstructured during summer.  Dd attends a riding camp and that's about it.  It reminds me so much of my childhood, which I cherish as being carefree.  She loves going back to school, but I guess the drive (thank you Linda for your comments!!) is included with why *I* don't like back-to-school time.  We'll get in a groove soon, but I do miss the relaxed days of summer.  And summer break seems so much shorter than they were when we were growing up in the 60's and 70's!!  We really did have 13 or 14 weeks off.  Plus no make-up for snow days (thankfully dd's school is not under this mandate, so she doesn't have to make up any days to extend the year even more).  But we always used to get out before Memorial Day and went back after Labor Day... I wish kids had that kind of time for summer vacation now.

[Linda on the move]

Originally Posted by velochic 

(thank you Linda for your comments!!)

your welcome. We don't always see eye to eye, but I have a lot of respect for you as a parent. Even on the things we do different, I can see how your clarity and vision are wonderful for your DD. I think she's lucky to have you. I hope you guys have a great school year.

[velochic]

Originally Posted by Linda on the move 

your welcome. We don't always see eye to eye, but I have a lot of respect for you as a parent. Even on the things we do different, I can see how your clarity and vision are wonderful for your DD. I think she's lucky to have you. I hope you guys have a great school year.

You are so sweet.  And I can say the same for you.  I always read your posts thoroughly, as I know that I can always learn from them even if they come from a different position than my own.  Good luck to you and yours this year, as well.
 

[Linda on the move]

Originally Posted by velochic 
I always read your posts thoroughly, as I know that I can always learn from them even if they come from a different position than my own.  Good luck to you and yours this year, as well.

Thanks!  It should be a good year! We had several years where we couldn't figure out what really worked for our older DD, and last year was her first year at her new school. It went well and she's going back, and this is the first school year in many that we are doing exactly what we did the year before.

Sometimes when I read your post, I feel like I look to my kids a lot to figure out what to do -- that I don't really have a plan. I feel like you have a stronger internal guidance. I wish I was more like that. I feel like I'm flying by the seat of my pants a lot and just making stuff up as I go along. I think you sound really clear in your own head. I think that must be nice for a child -- to have a parent who knows what she's doing!