sad

[StarChild]

My bf has 2 kids, 8 & 10 and I have a 14 yr old. We have been together for a few yrs and lived together for most of it. His kids were only there on wkends, but now are moving in full time. They fight non stop and drive me batty. The wkends were hard to make it through, but there is no way I can handle full time.

I love him, but I have to find my own space for my dd and myself. 

I am just feeling sad about the whole thing. 

[singin'intherain]

I know what you are going through! I can't stand fighting, and my step kids fight like cats and dogs! They also backstab, tattle, compete with each other for attention, etc. I have spent years lecturing my birth kids about how important it is to build each other up so we can all enjoy a strong, peaceful family. They fight and argue and get on each others' nerves, but they don't treat each other like dirt! It is so hard to know how to respond to this stuff. When my kids were little, I learned a lot from Siblings Without Rivalry, I'm thinking about reading it again. What do you do to deal with their fighting?

[pinksprklybarefoot]

Is it possible that the fighting might diminish once they are settled into the new place and have some stability?  You didn't say too much about the situation, but my guess is that something must have prompted the change in parenting time.  Maybe whatever it was had been causing a lot of stress on the kids, the symptom of which = fighting?

Also, it is possible that your BF, now being the primary parent, would be in a better position to actually do something about the fighting.  It is much easier to establish rules/routine when you have more than two days at a time.

Obviously, you have to do what is best for you and your DD.  I just wanted to throw it out there that change is a possibility.

[VocalMinority]

The upheaval - living like a family, then dividing - stinks, for your daughter.  But I have to applaud you, for putting all of the kids ahead of the romance!  IOW, you're not trying to influence him not to take his kids (because they're banshees who will drive you away); nor are you forcing your daughter to stay in a situation you find inappropriate, because you hate to lose your boyfriend.  Sounds like you're doing the right - and mature - thing.  While I'm sure it's very hard for you, right now, I hope that over time, this difficult choice you made - and followed through on - will be a touchstone, to remind you that you're a good mom who will take care of her daughter's needs, even when it's not easy.