Originally Posted by Wild Lupine
Thanks for posting that link! What a wonderful list, I think I'm going to print it and put it on my refrigerator door.
I don't have much advice, but I couldn't read without posting. It sounds like you already have a lot of GD tools. The only thing I kept thinking when I was reading was that this is one of those times where mothers were never meant to go it alone. It sounds like your very real need for rest isn't being met. Unmet needs, especially for rest, can make it almost impossible to deal with other's needs gently and patiently. Can you get some help, like a mother's helper who can play with the kids for a little while? Or a friend who can take them to the playground for an hour or so?
I've had that list up on my computer for a couple of days, and tried to read over it a few times a day. Plenty of good ideas there... just so hard to implement any of them when your brain just jumps to frustration!
I definitely agree that I could use some rest... unfortunately, DH has to work 2 jobs right now, so that leaves me alone most of the time. He usually has one weekend day off (sometimes he works both Sat. and Sun.), but I would feel bad if I left him alone with the kids on his one day off. Wait -- let me clarify -- I wouldn't feel bad for him...lol. I mean, I really want to have at least ONE day a week that we can spend as a family, doing something together. So, I would feel bad for all of us if I had to give that up.
Originally Posted by holothuroidea
We are in a very similar situation. I find that being the mom that I want to be is a struggle every day. It's worth it of course, but it is extremely difficult to do alone. No person was ever meant to spend 8 hours a day on their own with kids.
I struggle with depression, too. I got off of the medication because I felt like it was just another way to avoid my feelings. Unfortunately, my temper has come out full force since then and it has been a long process to get it under control and I still have lapses, for which I feel extremely guilty for and then I get more depressed which makes me more angry and... so on. I've often told my DH that I cannot be alone all the time with the kids, that it is too much for me sometimes. He understands and is willing to do something to help but for him that means, "don't you have a friend you can call?" Which completely misses the point because when you are in that kind of mood the last thing you feel like doing is reaching out to someone, you need someone to be there already, KWIM?
I've tried reaching out to people, creating a "tribe" as it were, but although loneliness and depression is epidemic among most SAHM's, very few people are willing to actually do something about it. I'd love to create a co-housing community or even eat dinner with someone once a week to ease the burden but I've not found anyone willing to deal with the "intimacy" that that would entail. Well, this turned into a long rant. But anyway, I think I know how you feel. PM me if you want to talk.
I feel/felt the exact same way about the antidepressants. I've struggled with depression since we moved here to WA in 2001, but have avoided any meds until shortly after my last son was born. I was spending more time locked in the bathroom, crying in the fetal position than I was being a mama... and I couldn't take it anymore. I suppose I could have gone back to the dr. and told her that the medication I was on made me feel like a zombie, and she would have had me try something different... but it was a big enough hurdle for me to make that ONE phone call asking for help. So, I just tolerated the first med/dosage she suggested.
I would love to have a real life "tribe", or someone that I actually clicked with to go have dinner with sometimes. We've lived here in WA for 10 years now, and I still have no friends. All of my family is back in AZ, so I quite literally have no one but DH. I have one "friend" here, but she and I are sooo different. We're only friends because my DH is friend's with her DH. She's nice enough and all, but not someone I'd really open up to... and our parenting styles could not be further apart. She's the opposite of everything MDC...lol.
I really need to find an AP style mommy/baby group or something. I've tried in the past, but haven't had much luck. I can't, for the life of me, grasp how meetup.com works... Another issue with that is that we only have one car. It's possible for me to keep the car, and drive DH to work, but we rarely do that. (Getting all 3 boys up and out the door by 7am is a tough one for me.)
*sigh* I don't know what the answer is... I'd love to move back closer to my family. I'm happy when I'm down there visiting. I'd love to go have dinner at my mom's on Sundays, and have my family come over to hang out with us. I just really, really don't want to have to live in AZ... and the job market down there sucks! (DH's job depends on the housing market, which is garbage everywhere, but especially there.)
Hey look, I gave you back an even longer rant! lol