Confused Single Mom.. Don't Know Who I am...

[xandersmama09]

Hey all.. I'm a single mom to a little boy and have been feeling very confused lately(about who I am). I've dated and loved women in the past, but it's been quite a few years(I've been single for 3). Since my son was born, I have just not felt anything toward men. Even before I got pregnant, I always wanted children and that was always somewhat of an obsession of mine while dating men. But I date them still as I want more children one day soon. It feels odd, and makes me uneasy. I don't feel butterflies, or attraction, or chemistry, in fact I feel indifferent.

I'm at this point where I've been questioning who I am and I don't really know where to go from here.

I've been starting to plan home insemination with a known donor and that is exactly what I want as a mother - no shared parenting, a sibling close in age to my son who I get to be 100% responsible for. There is NO doubt in my mind that I want another child by the end of next year. Yet I'm also feeling the pressure from others(family, friends) to meet men and date and "settle down" if I want more children. I've heard how all kids need a dad, etc.

It is really confusing to be questioning myself so much at this point in my life. I know I am attracted to women, but men on the other hand - I am only interested in dating men for the possibility of babies. Not really a good reason to continue, I think.

Has anyone been here with a young child? I know a lot of people figure out who they are young, but my younger years were confusing and my adult years have been entirely based around my son without focus on myself. I don't know if I should just stop dating completely until I figure it out, or keep pushing myself to date men, or try meeting some women and see where it goes.

[jennp85]

You are in an interesting spot for sure!  It sounds like dating men is not a really good idea for you right now.  If you aren't feeling it then you would be leading them on, which isn't fair to them.  Any chance of finding a LGBT community center in your area?  They might have a support group for women who are questioning their sexuality or feel confused like you.  A personal counselor might be a good thing.  I'm going the known donor right right now and it's really exciting.  Do you feel you are emotionally ready to be trying to get pregnant and having another child?  I think that's more important than having a second parent for you kids.  People say having a dad in the picture is important but the studies say otherwise.  I've found that the negative reactions people have when I tell them I want to be a single mom are more detrimental to me than keeping it inside and only having a few people to talk about it with.  I recommend only discussing this stuff with people who are supportive of you and your choices so as to minimize the confusion that other people's reactions cause.

[Amt1015]

When I met my now DW(Lena) I was married to a man(2006) and had been questioning myself for yrs. I had 2 sons(1 & 3 at the time). I shortly there after left my ex but wasn't dating Lena either, as I was still very confused. I spent about 4 yrs recovering from my divorce and "dating" men and women all while still having such feelings for Lena whom I had been kinda friends with beneifits with. I finally figured out who I was and what I wanted out of life. I can see a huge change in our sons (now 7&9) they are happy and healthy and very well ajusted! It may take a lil bit of time but I am sure you will find yourself! I wish you the best of luck!