Setting limits

[ecr319]

DS just turned 2. I have always believed in CLW, and as a LLL leader, I frequently find myself dispensing advice about it that I myself have a hard time following: namely, do it for as long as it works for both of you. 

Nursing has not worked for me for awhile. DS is high needs and becoming mobile and verbal have only increased level of those needs. So now, instead of just crying when he wants something, he'll scream "want nur nurs!" while tugging on my clothes, kicking, hitting, etc. Like many mothers whose posts I've read on here, I think nursing is still important to him. But I also know I need to learn to establish some limits as well. I guess the issue that I'm dealing with is that when I attempt to set limits, he has a full-on tantrum. I have been resistant to offering food if he's in the middle of a tantrum, and physical comfort usually leads to more demands to nurse, which means we're back at square one. His latch has also gotten very sloppy, so it's quite painful. He nursed a few minutes ago and when he came off I noticed a ring around my areola from his teeth. DD had the same kind of latch and we weaned when I was pregnant (she was not high needs and was only nursing once a day at that point) because the pain of it was so extreme. 

I think I'm at the point where I'm unsure where to go. I have noticed that I feel extremely irritable (worse than PMS) at the end of my cycle, and I'm sure that has something to do with it, but it's also that I feel so over-touched and literally cannot sit down without getting my shirt tugged down.

So, if anyone has any advice on setting limits, especially with a high needs LO, I would be greatly appreciative!

[Marissamom]

the biggest thing that helps keep my DD from wanting to nurse 24/7 is meeting her mama need in other ways before she wants to nurse, so we nurse, eat breakfast and get dressed, then I try to spend some time with her. If I don't spend time with her she gets bored and wants attention, and that's when she asks to nurse

[gitanamama]

No advice, just commiseration. I have a wonderful, wild 15 month old who is also very high needs and a frequent nurser. I have tried cuddling, snuggling, hugging, etc. in order to meet his need for physical affection and comfort, but he goes straight for my chest. Lately he's been getting really upset and trying to nurse in public, pulling down my shirt and getting almost hysterical when I refuse. Occasionally I'll be able to distract him, but more often than not I end up giving in. I understand feeling over-touched and over-nursed. There are days when all I want is to have my body to myself again! Good luck to you...I hope it gets easier.

[crunchy_mommy]

I found what's working best for DS is setting very CLEAR limits. For a while there, I was sort of setting limits but not consistently, and I think it was really confusing to him -- sometimes I'd say 'no' and other times I'd say 'yes' and there really was no rhyme or reason to it. Perhaps he was getting anxious about when/whether I'd ever let him nurse again or something? I don't know. Anyway, we set very specific rules about when he could nurse (and it's much more limited than I ever wanted, but this is what's working...) and he does still ask at other times but much more readily accepts 'no' and overall asks less often than when he was nursing more frequently! The only times I break the rules are for a really bad injury (i.e. when he got stung) or for LLL meetings (special treat!) -- even though there are other times I'd like to nurse him, I find I really have to stick to the rules on my end to avoid any confusion on his end.

DS is high-needs as well so when I started enforcing the limits, I waited until he was in a really good phase... trying to restrict anything when he was already having a bad day/week/etc. would have just been a disaster, even though that's when I was most wanting to limit him! I found that sticking it out through a bad stage was worth it, no matter how much it tortured me & my nipples lol.