how to deal with other people's kids when you are a guest?

[Bcl6]

hi,

I am new here and would appreciate some tips on how to deal with oher people's children if you are a dinner guest and the child/children aged five years are in your personal space like climbing on you, being rough and dragging you by the arm (which can lead to hand slapping) to physically make you be where they want you to be, just constantly interrupting your conversation with their parents by throwing objects on your head for attention.

I have an infant baby but have very little experience with older children and am conscientious about not wanting to discipline or be aggressive towards other people's children so I am probably too tolerant and may come across as an easy target for certain attention deprived, feisty children.

Any tips would be appreciated as I'd hate to start avoiding and declining invitations because I don't like my friend's kids.

Thanks for reading!

[Amatullah0]

I don't hesitate to discipline my friends kids, especially if the parents aren't saying anything or aren't around. Of course, we never use physical discipline or time out, and we're learning and DS is still younger than a lot of my friends' kids.

"A, it bothers me when the ball hits me in the head, could you and T go and play with the ball in another room please?" 

or better, if you have the baby with you, "(Baby) is so small and gets hurt easily, please be careful. How about a quiet game like (that puzzle, etc)" 

and, "No thank you, A. I can't go with you right now. I'm trying to talk to your mommy about ____. We can play later though!"

And do play with her later! Kids love to play with adults, especially if you come around often. Play what the kids want to play, and talk about what the kids want to talk about every once in a while, and you can play with them what you want to play, and talk about what you want to talk with them too. If you take some time to bond with them a little bit, it can help them calm down for a little to let you have that conversation with their mom that you've been dying to have. Think of it like this, you would consider it rude if someone came over to your house and ignored you the whole time, right? Kids feel the same way when they are ignored. 

And please don't hate your friend's kids, one day your baby will be older and will play with them, and who knows, they might even babysit your kids when they are older :) 

[LynnS6]

"I don't like it when you climb on me. How about you sit next to me?"

"I'm talking to your parents right now, I'll listen to you in a minute."

"I don't want to go right there. I prefer to sit on the couch."

"Ouch that hurt. Be gentle."

If you phrase it in "I" statements, you're not disciplining their child, you're establishing boundaries.

What are the parents doing while their child mauls you? My children would be removed if they hit someone or threw objects at them. If they're not intervening, then they're not disciplining effectively (or at all?).

[crunchy_mommy]

Originally Posted by LynnS6 

"I don't like it when you climb on me. How about you sit next to me?"

"I'm talking to your parents right now, I'll listen to you in a minute."

"I don't want to go right there. I prefer to sit on the couch."

"Ouch that hurt. Be gentle."

If you phrase it in "I" statements, you're not disciplining their child, you're establishing boundaries.

This, exactly. This isn't about discipline, it's about establishing your personal limits & boundaries, which you have the right to do whether the other person is a child or an adult.

[pianojazzgirl]

Originally Posted by LynnS6 
you're not disciplining their child, you're establishing boundaries.

Yes, yes, yes!  Feel no obligation to let someone else's kid treat you in a way that you do not feel comfortable with.  I'm surprised that their parent wouldn't step in (though it can be that if you are being "polite" by not showing any displeasure at what the child is doing the parent might genuinely not realize that you are bothered - some people really do have a high tolerance for goofing around with kids), but if that's the case then it's totally appropriate for you to establish your boundaries.

[CatsCradle]

Okay, everyone above has been so cool in the way that they would handle the situation.  Everyone of you are awesome.

My turn:  Stay the freak off me!  

Whew, okay, I'm a little touchy.  Seriously, though, if people, whether they are small or large are not respecting my space, it's hard to tell what will happen.  

All in fun of course.  But where are the parents in this situation?  I couldn't imagine letting DD do this to anyone without big opinions from my area of the room.

[Bcl6]

Thank you for your replies, they are very useful tools that i will probably use. I guess i didn't want to be rude seeing as i was the guest and they are only kids but i probably did go overkill with politeness and should just assert myself more whether the person is big or small.

To answer your questions about the parents' whereabouts, they were sitting across the table from me having a chat. they did try to help and repeatedly told the kids not to do x,y,z but being kids, they stop for 10 seconds and start carrying on again lol

thanks again for the tips