So I have had some pretty major events happen recently.
1. I had a pretty severe crohns flare about a year ago. Got it under control with some risky medication.
2. I have been trying to get pregnant since Oct 2009 and I have had 6 early losses.
3. Crohns medication stopped worked and gave me drug induced lupus. I had to stop taking it and started to flare.
4. Now I am on a new drug, plus prednisone till the new drug kicks in and prednisone makes me nuts.
5. The winter was really really long, and the spring and summer have been cool and rainy, non stop. I think we have had 5 nice days so far. I so want some sunshine. I crave it.
6. I had to give up TTC because of all my medications.
7. I really really really want another baby.
Through this all I have been depressed. I take vitamins and supplements, and eat healthy. I try my best to walk my dog every single day. I try to get out of the house, but I just cant get over this hump. I keep thinking, if I just do this or if I just do that I will feel better, but I dont. I feel tired, sad or apathetic about everything. Some days I break down and cry like its the end of the world. I lose my patience easily and I feel isolated from everyone. I give a hug and I want to feel love, and I just feel like a robot.
I have an appointment with my doctor, I think I want antidepressants. I have taken Zoloft and Effexor (not together) in the past along with counseling, but its been years since I have taken them. I kinda feel like I failed.
I dont even know what kind of answer I am looking for here. Maybe just some commiseration.