My wife and I have had my wife's sister's daughter, who is now 7 years old, for about a year now. When we first got her, there was a lot of defiance, talking back, trying to talk over my wife, etc.. but it's the same story now, a year later. She cries hysterically when she doesn't get something she wants, even if she knows we don't have it.. constantly argues about (honestly 75%) of everything my wife says.. cries about 5 or 6 nights a week that we try to put her to bed.. when she's tired, you can absolutely be sure she's going to give us a hard time.. it's anywhere from 30 mins to 3 hours getting her to bed, every single night.
Her mother was a bit slow, and I believe she is as well. (sometimes, she will ask if it's night or day.. has no concept of time and has slow'ish motor skills and poor co-ordination) and I believe her emotions are probably at about a 2 or 3 year old level.
I really believed a lot of this was the trauma from being taken from her mom's house .. then living with her grandmother for 15 months and now she's been with us for almost 13 months but nothing seems to be helping. She is going to trauma counseling weekly.. but it's been more like bi-weekly or worse.
I'm really beginning to think that it's engraved in her mind that she can act out with no punishment due to the child's mom treating and talking to my wife disrespectfully and the child has taken wind of this and also gives her zero respect. I'm at the point where I think this just cannot work, and am willing to give her up to a foster home or adoption. My wife will resent me for the rest of my life and the grandparents will most likely as well.
She absolutely will not listen to anything my wife tells her to do, my wife has to threaten to take something away almost every time she is asked to do something (even basic things like: eat, wash her face, brush her teeth, put some clothes on, have a bath, etc) She has consistently acted out in school, and even up north at our trailer park where she has scratched and hit other children, even older than her. Her emotions are out of control and I believe that she feels she can act out because there will be no punishment.
She'll also do things like not flush the toilet, not wash her hands, and lie to us that she did.. as well as many other things. I feel like she's a 7 year old compulsive liar. The other day, she came home and said that her friend was holding a baby and dropped it. Turns out, it was HER that dropped the baby.
I have spoken countless times with my wife about it, and she's at her wit's end but no where near giving up.. I just don't get it. I've called children's aid society to advise them of the behaviour as well as me growing tired of the constant nagging.
Edited by Kmack1 - 8/8/11 at 1:16pm