How did the way your parents keep their house affect how you keep yours? - Page 2

[Lovesong]

Both my parents are the kind of housekeepers that clean when necessary. This means the kitchen gets cleaned daily, the bathrooms are usually not too bad but that dust and laundry is something that gets sorted either when they need a special coloured t-shirt that is dirty, or when we are going to have guests.

Growing up, when deep cleaning for the arrival of guests, my parents would never say: "clean your room" or "clean the living room" but give me and my siblings tasks instead. Like "pick up your toys", "take out the trash", "get me the mop and bucket" etc. Since I had watched them do the cleaning several times, I knew what was involved when directed to  "sweep the floor" or "pick up the magazines." My mum kept a running task list, when we grew up, when deep cleaning so she could cross things of that were done. She was never really that particular with things being perfect, but would help us with our sweeping techniques etc. and show us how to do it. Gently, with an amused laughter, and then let us try again.

Anyhow, how it has affected me? Hm. I think I've developed a healthy relationship to this whole keeping my home clean business. For one thing, I realise that a lone woman cannot keep on top of everything when having three children, a somewhat messy husband, two cats and a dog to clean up after (my family when growing up). Or well, she can, but at the cost of so much else like playtime with said children. So, I've learnt to direct my efforts into what truly matters. Which is keeping the toilet clean, wiping down all counters and tables daily and seeing to it that any stinky stuff gets cleaned or removed asap (especially bad food). It doesn't really matter that the floors gets a bit dirty between the weekly hooverings, nor does it matter that there's cat toys spread all over.

Though, it really does help that I am somewhat organised. Everything in my home has a place, so when it is time to clean up, it is just a matter of taking a basket and gather all the things that does not belong, clean and then put things back where they belong. Easy. I think many people simply have never got around to giving everything in their home a place. For instance, is there a hook for your children's bags somewhere? Or a box for all these things that just does not belong yet? That is really very important to me, since if I don't have a place for things that does not belong, they get placed all over, and then everything starts to unravel.

[LVNTEXAS]

My parents were collectors. And they collected weird things, like farm equipment and tools and displayed them around the house. They were neat about it but it seemd my Mom was always cleaning, organizing or moving something. She could never reach my Dads goal of perfection and that trickled down to us. By the time I left at 21, the house was quite full, to the point of being almost border of hoarder. My mom cannot just have 1 of something, she has to have 3 or 4. The Dollar Store and Wally World are her downfalls. They do equivalate stuff with having it all...if that makes sense. The more displayed, the more prosperous one is. They don' get me at all. I put my money into animal rescue or donations or a trip and they can't fathom that. I like being able to clean my home in less than 2 hours, if I want it scrubbed down. I like spending time with my kiddo and not cleaning, I like the adventure and memories I now have. I am not as controlled with my son's toys but I do keep them in check. I am also lax on cleaning to the point of making it look like it is all on display, as that is what my parents did to us. If I even left a sock on the floor, I was considered a slob. As I get a little older and wiser, good enough is starting to work for me.

They also don't get why I don't decorate even though I think my home is decorated. HA!! How's that for perspective? I love colorful paint on the walls, they love white. I like simple homemade photographs, they have walls covered in yardsale finds. I like comfortable where they like traditional. SO I guess it has effected me, but in a good way. I am glad I learned to clean, cook and do laundry, but not to an OCD extent as I feel they are.

[zoebird]

my mil considers it a personal, moral flaw if a person doesn't have a collection. it demonstrates that you have no passion, no personality, and no way for people to easily buy you gifts because they don't know what you like. LOL

my mil also considers it a personal, moral flaw if you don't want the "family antiques" or "memories" from other family members. So, she has pretty much every dead relatives books, various crafts and supplies (she has massive bin of knitting needles, for example, but doesn't knit). If you don't keep these things, how do you know where you come from? remember those who came before? honor their memories? share your knowledge of them with your children? 

so, she really doesn't get me at all. LOL

[clutterwarrior]

I think we all reach a stage in our lives when we make a decision.... we can decide that we like how our parents did things, and to model that to a certain degree, or that we don't want to be like our parents, and just be ourselves. 

[zoebird]

yup, it's true. and my aunt -- the psychologist -- also says that you can look back and get upset about what your parents may have done or did, or you can choose to just work on the patterns that are in your brain and behaviors and undo them, without having to go "why oh why did mom shame me for X?" sure, it might be the cause, and it's not your fault, but your reacting today because of that is your choice. and you can choose to continue, or choose to change. :)

and in some cases, a bit of both. because it's not all good or all bad.