Please help me leave the house!!!

[texmati]

I have two under two, and every outing (which I've had, like 3) have been a disaster. My dd is 6 months, my son is 22 months. There is a LLL meeting this morning at 10 that I really, really, really, want to go to.

I'd like to know how you super moms would handle these situations:

My husband will help me load them in the car; but how would you unload them at the LLL meeting? And get them back in the car and the end?

What do I do if my son needs to be dragged out of the meeting?

What do I do if my son starts running around?

What do I do if my son starts hitting other toddlers?

I have at my disposal:

Gigantic double stroller that I can barely lift (I worry that I won't be able to fit this in the meeting area.)

Baby wrap (I can only carry my daughter)

Mclaren single stroller (cannot fit carseat).

Grapes, crackers etc that my son likes

A*few* toys There's only so much I can keep track of, especially with out the monster stroller.

Thank you for reading. It would mean so much for me to be able to figure this out-- I could actually leave the house, or meet some mom friends, or even find friends for my toddler.

[Megan73]

I'm not in exactly the same boat - I have a six month old and a three year old - but my tactic is to secure the toddler first because the baby can't get away! If you're driving to the LLL meeting and it's in a private home (like the ones in my area), I'd ditch the stroller.
When you get there, put the baby in the wrap then get the toddler out. When you leave, put the baby back in the wrap and put the toddler in the car first.
For your next outing, go to a thrift store and buy a bag of cheap small toys - animal figurines, little dolls etc. and buy a bag of balloons at the dollar store. Keep them in the diaper bag for instant distraction for your toddler.
My son is a little older but we've had some success in explaining that the natural consequence of running off or failing to play nicely with other kids is that we simply go home. It's hard to pull the trigger when it's your first outing in weeks but consistency seems to work.

[texmati]

Thank you for your reply. It's in a church-- I've been there once before; but couldn't go to meeting regularly because of work. Now I SAH, but have been afraid to leave the house for the past 6 mos! I should be able to park close to the entrance, but there is a bit of a walk when we get inside.

So you just walk your toddler in? He will reliably hold your hand? I worry about him running off while I'm trying to care for my daughter. I feel like I need a way to secure him. (ie, strap him in a stroller). But maybe stroller free is the way to go.

[texmati]

BTW, thank you for the dollar store tip! I'm running around the house *right now* looking for items. I'm sure we have baloons somewhere!

ok 90 mins till go time!

[crunchy_mommy]

Originally Posted by texmati 

Thank you for your reply. It's in a church-- I've been there once before; but couldn't go to meeting regularly because of work. Now I SAH, but have been afraid to leave the house for the past 6 mos! I should be able to park close to the entrance, but there is a bit of a walk when we get inside.

So you just walk your toddler in? He will reliably hold your hand? I worry about him running off while I'm trying to care for my daughter. I feel like I need a way to secure him. (ie, strap him in a stroller). But maybe stroller free is the way to go.

You could put the baby in the wrap and the toddler in the single stroller.

I don't have 2 kids (yet!) but I've been paying careful attention to how my mommy friends handle it so maybe I'll be sort of ready if we ever conceive #2!

One of my friends has kids that stay right with her, so she can get the baby out & put her in the Ergo, then gets the toddler and the preschooler out and takes them both by the hand. She usually fits her stuff into one large bag (size of a diaper bag). They are happy to play with a few small toys from home & always stay right near her. Sometimes she puts the toddler on her back in a second Ergo, and the baby stays on her front. I don't know how she has the energy for that lol but it's very impressive!

Another friend has a runner... So she takes him out, straps him in the stroller, puts the baby in the Ergo, and the 4yo just walks beside her. She stashes her stuff in the bottom of the stroller and plans to stay wherever she's going just for an hour or so -- so all the snacks and stuff stay in the car and when the kids get hungry or cranky, she just leaves. She spends most of her time chasing the runner while the baby is in the carrier. Toys don't really do the trick for them.

OK then my other friend... she often keeps the baby in the carseat. The toddler stays with her & I don't think he even holds her hand, he's just good at staying close. She usually has a bag full of tons of snacks to keep the toddler happy... she also brings a pad of paper & some crayons, and a bunch of other small toys, with her. She often asks for help when she's leaving and someone is always glad to hold the baby or help her load up her car or whatever.

So, those are some of my observations, don't know if that's at all helpful to you... I hope you make it to the meeting & have a great time!! Don't be afraid to ask for help, others will be glad to help you. Good luck!!

[texmati]

thank you thank you thank you all!

Ok, I've got my wrap out, and I'm feeding toddler right now. baby is napping. toddler woke up happy, and we've been praciticing gentle, gentle all morning, along with 'wave hi from far away'.

I've got baloons, toy car, stickers, measuring spoons in a ziplock plus snacks all in one diaper bag. 25 minutes to go time!

Crunchmommy, that *does* help! I'll post moreo later.

[CassnBeth]

I know this is after your departure time but I'm going to throw in on this anyway just for later reference --

I did this routine as a nanny for a while with kids that had an only slightly larger age gap. First, I got out the baby and put her in her carrier. Then I picked up my giant bag and got the toddler by the hand. I was HUGE on hand holding on account of the little one. I mean, anytime he tried to pull his hand away I held on for dear life and completely stopped moving forward until the pulling and fussing stopped. This was a pain in the neck occasionally but I really needed compliance on hand holding for safety reasons. If, for some reason, I wanted the stroller for later I would put the toddler in the single stroller and we would all proceed wherever we were going.

Once we got there, the toddler was released to find playmates (I assume a LLL meeting isn't expecting your toddler to sit at your feet silently the whole time? If they do, I've got nothing. No way would any kid I've cared for under two have sat still that long without restraint). By the time the baby was six months old I usually put a blanket down on the floor for her along with some toys. I made sure the blanket was not directly in front of me so her brother wouldn't run right over her the eight million times he came dashing back to me. If I needed to take the big kid out for a break, the baby went in the stroller as reclined as I could manage so I could have two hands for the tantrum and all my stuff just stayed put on the floor. For entertainment I brought tiny toys that could stay in the toddler's hand without causing giant fights like tiny animals or wearable stuff like capes that didn't much come off. Oh! and I always ended up spending a ton of time mediating toddler interactions because toddler socialising is just like that; if the baby was going through a clingy stage I would either keep her in the carrier if she tolerated it or plunk her in the stroller to play so I could wheel her around with me.

I hope this is useful and that your meeting went well!

[quantumleap]

Oh, I hope it went well. LLL is probably one of the better places to be if you're worried about your toddler, people are pretty understanding of gd techniques and don't usually mind a few toddlers running amok as long as no one is screaming. ;)

Mine are a bigger space than yours (exactly two years, nearly to the day), and I almost had a panic attack the first time I went out alone with them, but I don't even think about it anymore. Ever. Baby goes in the sling, toddler gets strapped in to carseat. Wehn you get there, baby goes back into sling, toddler comes out of carseat and holds my hand. If she won't hold my hand, I pick her up. I'm sure you've picked up your toddler with your babe in the wrap? It's do-able, totally, just put the toddler on your hip and make sure the baby's leg isn't being squashed. My baby is really easy going, and my toddler is quite high needs, so I tend to leave the baby sitting with a toy and take off after the toddler if need be, but you can chase with babe in a sling too. 

Hope you had a wonderful time, and met some lovely people. Don't be afraid to go out! You can totally do it!

In related thoughts, I have decided that I much prefer the single stroller + sling when I go out and need to walk bigger distances. Baby can ride, toddler can walk, sling goes in the back along with snacks and diapers. A few toys live in the stroller. Eventually, we end up with toddler riding in the stroller and baby in the sling. The single is just more maneuvrable in public spaces than the double. 

[Peony]

My youngest two are exactly 2y3m apart, but DS1 is delayed some so what he understands is minimal. DS2 isn't even 2 weeks yet but I have two older girls so I've been all over town for a while already. Toddler stays contained until last possible second, so in the carseat, car, what ever, and he is the first one contained again. Baby gets strapped on to me, DS1 does not hold hands well, only sometimes will he and he can't be trusted not to break away and make a dash for it so I need to keep one hand free to grab him with. My bag over on one shoulder and slung to my back so I can bolt with him if need be. Half the time I just pick him up and carry him with baby strapped on, it isn't comfortable when he is throwing a fit but gets the job done. 

Snacks and tiny toys like others suggested are staples in my bag. 

Hope it went well this morning! The more you do it, the easier it will be become and it won't seem like such an impossible task. Especially at a LLL meeting, don't be afraid to ask for help. I've been involved for 8 years now and the other moms/leaders are always more then happy to hold a baby while a mom tends to another child. I've found that many moms won't always ask if you need help but will gladly give it if they are asked. 

[insidevoice]

Oh gosh- I have two closely spaced with no help most of the time.  If I thought this hard about it I'd never leave the house!  :)

When they were younger I put one in the car seat, came back in the house and put the second in the car or I wore the youngest and held the toddler's hand.  I almost always wore the youngest (I still do in many places) and if I worried about the older child, I popped him in a stroller (cheapie umbrella stroller lived in the car for just these things.)

To go to a LLL meeting?  Baby in wrap, toddler holding my hand- once we got inside, he could go anywhere he wanted within reason as long as when I called him bac over he came.  If he didn't, he'd be carried. 

It gets easier with practice. :)

[dakotablue]

our babies are the same age! 

Hope everything went well. My system (and I try to leave house at least once a day)

To car: baby in carrier diaper bag on shoulder toddler on hip. Put toddler in any stuff (stroller, purse ect.) in go around to other side baby in and buckled, back to toddler and buckle.

Out of car: wrap on, baby in wrap, stroller out if needed toddler out into stroller or if going to store carry toddler to cart.

Oh at stores I put everything except kids in car, return cart then do the :to car:

I have on occasion worn DS1 and carried DS2 when I knew I could hang on to squirming toddler safely. I have a Mei Tai which is so awesome since it works for both kiddos.

Its not that bad once you get the system down, but I'm a bit worried about #3 and/or 2 toddler adventures.

You'll do great! hope this helps!

[texmati]

wow! thank you so much for the responses! I did get to go, and it went waay better than expected. I did end up taking the single stroller. It ended up being overkill, but would have come in hand if my toddler decided to throw a fit.

I forgot to mention that due to some issues with DD's birth/pregnancy, I can't really carry my toddler. (really bad SPD that hasn't resolved). I actually can't hip carry my daughter now that she's a bit hefty. (I'm working on it though with PT).

There were quite a few toddlers their, although mine was the loudest and most obnoxious. He went from climbing on tables to playing with other people's toys to trying to talk to the leader during the meeting etc. All the mom's were very gracious, but I noticed that none of them actually came to speak with me after the meeting. It was about weaning, btw, and I made complete fool of myself by crying as I talked about my son weaning during my pregnancy. I was the only mama of two, save one 4 year old, who was also gracious in talking to my son.

I'm impressed by mama's who get out once a day. I'm exhausted! I'll answer everyones post in teh evening.

[quantumleap]

Originally Posted by texmati 

wow! thank you so much for the responses! I did get to go, and it went waay better than expected. I did end up taking the single stroller. It ended up being overkill, but would have come in hand if my toddler decided to throw a fit.

I forgot to mention that due to some issues with DD's birth/pregnancy, I can't really carry my toddler. (really bad SPD that hasn't resolved). I actually can't hip carry my daughter now that she's a bit hefty. (I'm working on it though with PT).

There were quite a few toddlers their, although mine was the loudest and most obnoxious. He went from climbing on tables to playing with other people's toys to trying to talk to the leader during the meeting etc. All the mom's were very gracious, but I noticed that none of them actually came to speak with me after the meeting. It was about weaning, btw, and I made complete fool of myself by crying as I talked about my son weaning during my pregnancy. I was the only mama of two, save one 4 year old, who was also gracious in talking to my son.

I'm impressed by mama's who get out once a day. I'm exhausted! I'll answer everyones post in teh evening.

I'm sorry you didn't wind up being approached after the meeting. Hang in there and try again. As someone who has moved, a LOT, I find that people aren't typically *trying* to exclude/not talk to you, they just already have their social groups and have no "need" to get to know you. It sucks, but you just have to bash away as gracefully as possible for a good period of time, and suddenly you have all these great friends. It's unfortunate, and exhausting, but so important. 

Being the only mama of two kind of sucks. Maybe there are others who just couldn't make it to this meeting?! Don't worry about the crying. That happens fairly often, at least at my local LLL meetings! I would not care at all if your kiddo ate my snacks, or played with my toys, really. And I doubt if the other moms did either. 

I'm so, so sorry about the SPD. I had it with both of my pregnancies, and it was a million times worse with ds (#2), and did take several months to resolve. It still bothers me, but thankfully I'm not as handicapped as you sound. I could just cry thinking of that pain - you have my utmost sympathy! I hope the PT is helpful, and soon!