Please talk me down, I want to quit

[poorlittlefish]

My daughter is 13.5 months old. I stopped pumping for her at 12mos and she sleeps through the night so now I just feed her in the morning and before bed.  Her latch has gotten sloppy because of hew teeth and due to slower flow, she has been stretching the nipple a lot.  Now I have mastitis.  I have had it before but this is the more extreme breast pain I have ever experienced.  I don't have a lump but I have the red streaking.  I started antibiotics last night so hopefully I will feel better soon.

Anyways, I want to be done. I am tired of being in pain. I know I will have to keep feeding until the mastitis is over but I am so, so tired of the pain.  My daughter loves it but I do feel like at this age, it would be pretty easy to wean her--not very traumatic.  I am sad thinking about this but I think that I really want to be done.  Really.

I know that 13.5 months is early by MDC standards but are there others out there that weaned ~1 year?

[Megan73]

I did wean DS1 around 18 months because I was pregnant, my already low supply dried up and it just started feeling bad.There are two people in a nursing relationship and I personally think it's fine to stop when one of them starts finding it so unpleasant and painful. In my case - and I'd worked so, so hard to nurse my son through low supply, tongue tie, nursing strikes etc. - found that it wasn't worth continuing given how angry and irritable it was making me feel. Weaning from the remaining two sessions a day was no big deal, really.
Just my two cents...

[foreverinbluejeans]

Breastfeeding a 13.5 month old twice a day is basically token breastfeeding. It probably won't matter. I'm a grandma and from my experience there are things that can cause problems with premature weaning. She could start waking at night and you couldn't go back to night nursing. She could get a chronic medical condition like allergies or asthma that could be improved by breastfeeding.

She can be taught to stop pulling on the nipple and you will heal. Toddler nursing can be very enjoyable for both the mother and child.  When she grows up she may ask you why you weaned her so young. This may be more of an issue if you have more children and nurse them 2, 3 or more years or if she has problems that could have been prevented by breastfeeding longer. In the future it may be common to breastfeed longer.

[PatioGardener]

OK, you asked for it, so I'm gonna try and talk you down...

First of all, I have a good IBCLC friend who always says that she doesn't want any Mama to quit while she is in pain. Heal the mastitis, take a week after to normalize again, and then decide.

Great things about nursing a toddler (I have a 15 month old):

• Excellent way to ward of a tantrum - it boosts blood sugar and you reconnect and calm. Very low maintenance.
• Nice tool in the tool box for illness/injury moments. My guy got tonsillitis and would not eat anything for 3 days - breastfeeding was a real blessing at that time.
• The good stuff about breastfeeding is still there - brain growing compounds, anxiety calming process, immune boosters, stem cells, etc etc. Plus by nursing past one you are decreasing your risk of breast and ovarian cancer even more.

There are many more reasons too - but baby is asleep and I have limited time so I must sign off MDC and do the dishes!

Good luck, and feel better soon.

(nursing a couple more times a day may help to keep the mastitis at bay as you go from nursing a lot to help the mastitis back to your old pattern.)

[poorlittlefish]

Thank you ladies. I am going to finish my antibiotics and make a decision at that point.  Like you said Patio, don't make a decision while I am in pain. 

It does make me a bit sad that someone would think that I was token breastfeeding after all I have been through to make it to this point.  I also don't know how I would add nursing sessions since I work all day and I already offer quite a bit.  I am not going to wake her up at night considering she just started STTN about 2 weeks ago.

Thanks again for your thoughts!

[Marissamom]

I don't consider twice a day "Token breastfeeding". even twice a day helps fill in nutritional gaps, has health benefits, and provides bonding and security. 

[PatioGardener]

Originally Posted by Marissamom 

I don't consider twice a day "Token breastfeeding". even twice a day helps fill in nutritional gaps, has health benefits, and provides bonding and security. 

I completely agree.

[Erin77]

Considering that barely 1/3 of the women in the US even make it past 6 months, I would not call twice a day for your 13 month old "token." You're doing a good job, however this plays out for you.

[P.J.]

The two points already made that I agree with are

~ Nursing is a two-person relationship. If one person wants out there is good reason to end it ~after the first year, if your babe was less than a year I'd try to talk you out of weaning. The Sears' Baby Book says this (about it being ok to end after a year if mama or baby wants to), and that is an AP bible of sorts. Also, IMO if you are bitter and resentful, in pain and not wanting to nurse but doing it reluctantly anyway, you are subtly passing that on to your child in the milk. It's very subtle and some might argue the benefits outweigh this, but IMO there will be a psychological effect of nursing your child unwillingly. Babies and children pick up on more than we realize sometimes and I'd bet your daughter will in some way react, probably indirectly, to this not-wanting-to-nurse energy you have going on. If you really don't want to nurse anymore, it's more honest and clear to just wean.

~ Wait until the mastitis clears up and find some time to contemplate this when you're not in pain and annoyed. If you can silent your mind and sort of meditate on it for a few days (again, in moments when you're not fed up) and you still feel like you want to wean....well then I would say it's time to wean.

And if you do wean, please pat yourself on the back and remember that breastfeeding for 14 months is a HUGE achievement. You have given your child the very best start in so many ways by nursing that long, and gone well beyond the average.

Good luck!