or Connect
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Baby › Baby Health › Vaccinations › Do you think there is common ground in vax discussion? Effective communication 101.
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

Do you think there is common ground in vax discussion? Effective communication 101. - Page 5

post #81 of 146
Quote:
Originally Posted by SilverMoon010 View Post

 


I agree.  I think in order to find common ground, the first thing we need to do is stop nitpicking, especially when something was obviously intended as a joke.   I don't get the need to jump all over it especially when it's not even part of the topic.   After all, I thought the point of this thread is to find middle ground, not to find ways to start more side arguments. 



And being sexist certainly doesn't help find middle ground.  The person who posted the sexist remark is AOK to be offensive b/c she's a non-vaxer (just like you and kathymuggle), but I'm not allowed to call her out on it, b/c I'm a vaxer - who you have a personal problem against anyway due to prior arguments on this forum)?  Sorry - thats not really the way this works.

post #82 of 146
Quote:
Originally Posted by kathymuggle View Post

Hyper focusing on one line of the post gets old.  Is the goal to make us look at that instead of the rest of the post?  The rest of her post was pretty good.

 

If you are genuinely insulted, flag her post or start a spin off thread on sexism.

 



I actually don't think the rest of her post was very good - she was saying that its OK to think us non-vaxers are totally LOONEY and to not respect our well researched and thought out decisions just b/c she doesn't feel like it.  She's NOT trying to find common ground - she's trying to be insulting.  Which she can head right over to the "I'm Not Vaccinating" board to do.  It doesn't belong on the Vaccinations Forum - which shoudl be a place FOR ALL OF US to feel at the very least respected and heard. 

 

Oh wait, ONLY THE NONVAXERS GET TO BE HEARD ON MDC.

post #83 of 146
Quote:
Originally Posted by kathymuggle View Post

Hyper focusing on one line of the post gets old.  Is the goal to make us look at that instead of the rest of the post?  The rest of her post was pretty good.

 

If you are genuinely insulted, flag her post or start a spin off thread on sexism.

 



Hmmm.....if we're trying to talk about good communication here in this thread and how it is achieved....and if we're trying to BE good communicators...then I think we need to pay attention to those "one liners" too.

 

You can totally negate all the good you're saying by inserting one thing that is totally unacceptable to someone else. And while you can't ALWAYS figure out what might push the buttons of someone else, I feel calling someone "hormonal" and thus being dismissive of what they have to say, is an obvious no-no.

 

Good communication is HARD.

post #84 of 146
Quote:
Originally Posted by MsFortune View Post




This is not an anti-vax forum.  It's called "Vaccinations".  If you just want to talk in an echo chamber, you can post in "I'm Not Vaccinating".  

 

And I'm not a crazy hormonal woman.  Comments like this are why we can't have a woman president.  I get that you are being lighthearted and flip, but still.  

 



Holy crap. Right now I miss old MDC where this kind of cat fight would have *poofed*.
post #85 of 146
Quote:
Originally Posted by Super~Single~Mama View Post

I actually don't think the rest of her post was very good - she was saying that its OK to think us non-vaxers are totally LOONEY and to not respect our well researched and thought out decisions just b/c she doesn't feel like it.  She's NOT trying to find common ground - she's trying to be insulting.  Which she can head right over to the "I'm Not Vaccinating" board to do.  It doesn't belong on the Vaccinations Forum - which shoudl be a place FOR ALL OF US to feel at the very least respected and heard. 

 

Oh wait, ONLY THE NONVAXERS GET TO BE HEARD ON MDC.


*cough*

 

....and the other hard part about good communication is not to get angry or offensive if your debate partner is. But if people don't manage that, things degenerate into a mud-slinging feast....fast.

 

Can anybody think of ways to get a conversation / debate back to the area of being polite if things have degenerated a bit?

Something that DOESN'T involve calling flagging posts and leaving the thread?

How can we get a debate gone bad back on track?

Suggestions?

 

post #86 of 146
Quote:
Originally Posted by kittywitty View Post




Holy crap. Right now I miss old MDC where this kind of cat fight would have *poofed*.


Honestly, the ORIGINAL SEXIST post would have been the one to make the thread *poof* NOT calling her out on saying something sexist and obviously offensive.  Oh wait, non vaxers are allowed to be as offensive as possible and get backed up by all the other nonvaxers.

 

post #87 of 146
Thread Starter 


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Super~Single~Mama View Post





I actually don't think the rest of her post was very good - she was saying that its OK to think us non-vaxers are totally LOONEY and to not respect our well researched and thought out decisions just b/c she doesn't feel like it.  She's NOT trying to find common ground - she's trying to be insulting.  Which she can head right over to the "I'm Not Vaccinating" board to do.  It doesn't belong on the Vaccinations Forum - which shoudl be a place FOR ALL OF US to feel at the very least respected and heard. 

 

Oh wait, ONLY THE NONVAXERS GET TO BE HEARD ON MDC.


edit suggestion - didn't you mean non -vaxxers in the bolded? 

 

SSM - you are being heard loud and clear.  I disagree with some of what you are saying, but you are being heard. 

 

In reference to the above (and maybe I should not have focused just on your post, but it was a handy example):

 

I find on MDC in general and Vaccines in specfic the  hyperfocusing on one liners.  On occasions the one-lines are relevant to the discussion and deserve focusing on, but more often they are simply a way to go off topic:

 

-because someone does not like the way the conversation is going

-because someone does not like the poster, or the posters history of posting on this topic

-the line is triggerring for you in some way

-to score argument points (even in your own head)

 

 

post #88 of 146
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kanna View Post

....and the ot

her hard part about good communication is not to get angry or offensive if your debate partner is. But if people don't manage that, things degenerate into a mud-slinging feast....fast.

 

 

I'm not mud slinging, I'm calling it like it is.  There is a HUGE difference.  I can respect other peoples parenting decisions, but I do NOT respect people who cannot respect my parenting decisions - which is what was going on with the poster who said that we're all just a bunch crazy hormonal women who don't need to respect each others decisions - and you know, as long as she doesn't expect to respected she's not being hypocritical.

post #89 of 146
Quote:
Originally Posted by kathymuggle View Post




edit suggestion - didn't you mean non -vaxxers in the bolded? 

 

SSM - you are being heard loud and clear.  I disagreee with some of what you are saying, but you are being heard.

 

In reference to the above (and maybe I should not have focused just on your post, but it was a perfect example):

 

I find on MDC in general and Vaccines in specfic the hyper focusing on one liners.  On occasions the one-lines are relevant to the discussion and deserve focusing on, but more often they are simply a way to go off topic:

 

-because someone does not like the way the conversation is going

-because someone does not like the poster, or the posters history of posting on this topic

-the line is triggerring for you in some way

-to score argument points (even in your own head)

 

 

 

I vax.  That was a typo, I so sincerely appologize.
 

 

post #90 of 146
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Super~Single~Mama View Post



 

I vax.  That was a typo, I so sincerely appologize.
 

 


I make typos too.  No worries smile.gif

 

post #91 of 146
Thread Starter 


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Super~Single~Mama View Post



 

 

I'm not mud slinging, I'm calling it like it is.  There is a HUGE difference.  I can respect other peoples parenting decisions, but I do NOT respect people who cannot respect my parenting decisions .


Do you respect the parental decision to not vax?

 

At the end of the day I do respect  that parents have the right to make medical decisions for very young children including vaxxing (another thread to the contrary - but really, I was just working out ideas on parental rights, not making a mission statement).

 

I have felt on more than one occasion that vaxxers do not respect my right to not-vax.  First, they keep questionning me personally on my choices (as opposed to just keeping it to the data and evidence) and secondly, even if they begrudgingly admit it is my decision some of them cannot respect that it is my decision because by not vaxxing I am endangering the whole world (sarcasm)

 

 

 

post #92 of 146

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Super~Single~Mama View Post





And being sexist certainly doesn't help find middle ground.  The person who posted the sexist remark is AOK to be offensive b/c she's a non-vaxer (just like you and kathymuggle), but I'm not allowed to call her out on it, b/c I'm a vaxer - who you have a personal problem against anyway due to prior arguments on this forum)?  Sorry - thats not really the way this works.


shrug.gif

 

At this point, you are just trying to make me look bad.  I thought my post was pretty mature and to the point.  I don't get why you are so angry about it. Just because I disagree with you about her comment not being offensive, you automatically assume it is because you vax and I don't? Really?

 

Sorry, as much as you would like to think so,  I don't have anything personal against you whatsoever so please don't put words into my mouth and assume. 


Edited by SilverMoon010 - 8/13/11 at 10:26am
post #93 of 146
Quote:
Originally Posted by kathymuggle View Post


 


Do you respect the parental decision to not vax?


 

 


Absolutely.  I've never said anything other than that.  I may not agree with your reasoning (I don't know what yours is, and that's not the topic for this thread), but you have the right to accept or decline medical treatment for your children as you see fit, and as fits into your families value system.  I have the same rights - and they should be respected.

 

post #94 of 146
Quote:
Originally Posted by Super~Single~Mama View Post


I'm not mud slinging, I'm calling it like it is.  There is a HUGE difference.  I can respect other peoples parenting decisions, but I do NOT respect people who cannot respect my parenting decisions - which is what was going on with the poster who said that we're all just a bunch crazy hormonal women who don't need to respect each others decisions - and you know, as long as she doesn't expect to respected she's not being hypocritical.


Darn, should have specified more. I don't think this discussion is a mud-slinging feast. I think that conversations like this have the POTENTIAL to degenerate into a mud-slinging feast. And I think that if somethings like this happens in a conversation (after all, the purpose was vax / non-vax common ground communication 101), measures need to be taken to get the conversation away from the edge of mud-slinging and back to the "common ground" bit.

 

post #95 of 146
Quote:
Originally Posted by Super~Single~Mama View Post



 

Oh wait, ONLY THE NONVAXERS GET TO BE HEARD ON MDC.


You have GOT to be kidding.  The pro-vaxers are a far larger population on MDC than the non-vaxers.  Newbies come on the I'm Not Vaccinating forum all the time to tell us how we are irresponsible and endangering the entire world by our selfish, uneducated choices.  Heck, MDC REGULARS do that sometimes.  

 

 

post #96 of 146
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bokonon View Post


You have GOT to be kidding.  The pro-vaxers are a far larger population on MDC than the non-vaxers.  Newbies come on the I'm Not Vaccinating forum all the time to tell us how we are irresponsible and endangering the entire world by our selfish, uneducated choices.  Heck, MDC REGULARS do that sometimes.  

 

 

Sorry, I should have been more specific.  Only the non-vaxers are allowed to be judgmental, disrespectful, and fear mongering.  The vaxers are required to always to be respecful, nonjudgmental, and are not allowed to fear monger.  Non-vaxers can pretty much say what they want, but the vaxers had better be careful b/c we'll get the mods on our case.
 

And really, even if there are more vaxers on MDC than non-vaxers - the non-vaxers are SO vocal about it, and pretty much drown out any vaxers in threads that are meant to educated both sides.

 

post #97 of 146
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Super~Single~Mama View Post




Absolutely.  I've never said anything other than that.  I may not agree with your reasoning (I don't know what yours is, and that's not the topic for this thread), but you have the right to accept or decline medical treatment for your children as you see fit, and as fits into your families value system.  I have the same rights - and they should be respected.

 



A small victory - we do have a small amount of common ground.  smile.gif

post #98 of 146
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kanna View Post




Darn, should have specified more. I don't think this discussion is a mud-slinging feast. I think that conversations like this have the POTENTIAL to degenerate into a mud-slinging feast. And I think that if somethings like this happens in a conversation (after all, the purpose was vax / non-vax common ground communication 101), measures need to be taken to get the conversation away from the edge of mud-slinging and back to the "common ground" bit.

 


ah, you non-cynical newbie  Peace.gif

 

Things I have seen work in bringing things back from the brink:

 

-humour

-apologies when appropriate

-a mod or someone who write very thoughtfully intervening

 

While I like a moderate amount of modding - I do not like threads being locked or going poof, as it leaves so much unfinished business.  I like the newish policy of modding directly in threads much better than locking.

 

 

 

post #99 of 146
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bokonon View Post




You have GOT to be kidding.  The pro-vaxers are a far larger population on MDC than the non-vaxers.  Newbies come on the I'm Not Vaccinating forum all the time to tell us how we are irresponsible and endangering the entire world by our selfish, uneducated choices.  Heck, MDC REGULARS do that sometimes.  

 

 


I've experienced the opposite. My first was born in 1993,... as far as I was concerned I invented the whole slow vax, select vax thing for my family. Great minds must think alike because I run into many more folks who think like this now... but back then, I was alone and I got lots of the "two-headed" looks. Only to come here and be attacked for "poisoning" my children.
post #100 of 146
Thread Starter 

You know I agree with Bokonon...

 

I knew non-vaxxers in general on MDC were ticked off with the disrespect thrown at us on threads.  I did not realise (but yes, now do) that some vaxxers feel they have been treated disrespectfully as well (other than the sheeple thing - that one I knew).  

 

 

New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: Vaccinations
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Baby › Baby Health › Vaccinations › Do you think there is common ground in vax discussion? Effective communication 101.