boy prefer to play with girls

[clav]

Mu son just turned 4 and recently started playing only with girls for the most part. He likes to play princess with them. He is the prince or boy character the majority of the to time. When I ask him why he plays w/ the girls so much he says it is because the girls are beautiful and the boys aren't as cool as his best buddy, dad. When we r @ home he plays with superheroes (boys and girl ones), trains, cars. He also loves pretending to be superheroes with his dad. His teacher @ school says the girls fight over who gets to play with him because they love that he will play typical girl stuff with them. I have it in my head that I'm not letting him be who he is. My mom says I'm ridiculous that my son is happy and playing with the kids that pay attention to him. She says I haven't forced anything on him(boy toys ). He just likes all toys & kids. Has anyone else experienced this or have any thoughts.

[Alyantavid]

I don't see what the problem is?

Isn't it more fun to have a big group of kids want to play with you and make you feel special?  If you want to let him be himself, let him play with who he wants to. 

[4Marmalade]

My ds spent his kindergarten years playing with the girls.  He just seemed to relate to them better.  Now he's 8-1/2 and more often than not will gravitate towards some of the "calmer" boys.  He does still like talking to the girls though.  I really don't see any issue at all with the situation you describe.

[LynnS6]

If he's verbal and likes imaginative play, girls might be a better 'fit' for him right now. A lot of 4 year old boys aren't as verbally adept at imaginative play. My ds played with mostly girls through 2nd grade. Part of it was the make-up of the neighborhood (mostly girls until recently), part of it was that he's an imaginative, gentle kid. The girls fought over him in 1st grade. 2 of the girls had a complicated set of rules as to who got to play with ds. (All of this went over his head.)

3rd grade was a transition year, he didn't want to play with the girls, but didn't have any boys to play with. Last year in 4th grade he discovered sports and transferred over to playing with boys. (The girls still like him, though and will actually seek him out. As one of the girls told her mom, "He's just a really nice guy.")

I think the elephant in the living room is that you're worried that he's gay. Two thoughts about that. First, all the scientific evidence that I know suggests that sexual orientation is biological. Second, 4 year olds don't have a very fixed idea of gender, so they're trying on different roles. It doesn't actually sound like your son is trying on female roles. It sounds like girls are more fun right now.  Be happy that your son is a good friend. He's learning some great skills.

[pigpokey]

There's nothing you could do wrong except push him to only do masculine games with masculine friends.

If he's straight, that would just make him intolerant and less open to genuine friendship and respect with females.

If he's gay, he needs your 100% support in a world that offers less than 100%.

[cameragirl]

At that age, dressing up like a princess is completely normal for either sex. They are just playing pretend and trying out different roles. My mom teaches kids that age, and during the summer there are always a few boys that show up for the fairy week of her summer camps. Your son likely just enjoys the creative play that the girls also like. In a couple years, he'll reach the point where he'll either stop wanting to play with girls (cooties), or he may continue to enjoy that type of play. If he likes playing superheros, maybe he'd enjoy a cape to run around in.

The best thing you can do is just let him be himself, whatever that might be.

[JudiAU]

Sounds totally normal.

[meemee]

when dd's friends (mostly boys) come over - all ages 5 to 12 their parents have been warned they will go home with makeup on and talk about dolls adn polly pockets and cooking. 

what is interesting to me is dd does not care about social divisions. her 'boy'friends might not play with her in school but in a playgroup outside school they dont follow the same norms they do at school.

its pretty normal and its something that might last till adulthood.

dd and i get along better with boys and all our best friends are boys. we do have a few good girl friends too.

so really it could either be a finding a common ground to play with or that's just his personality and he prefers girls to boys. 

dd's best friend just started playing boy games when he turned 8. he mostly plays with girls but this last year has been hard on him. all his girl friends whom he met at school are chaning and he cant understand why they are like that. he has lost 2 good friends that way. but dd and he have known each other since 6 months old and they still are good friends. he has for the first time he has boys who are friends. 

[Storm Bride]

I don't see any concerns with the situation you describe. At that age, ds1's closest friends were a mix of boys and girls. His best friends in kindergarten were two girls. He just graduated and he has a mix of male and female friends. The group he called "best friends" were him, another guy, and two girls. His friends outside that group are about equally weighted between girls and boys. He has a mix of stereotypically feminine interests (wrting, art, gymnastics, etc.) and stereotypically masculine ones (free running/parkour, swords, etc.) and is still comfortable trying on gender-bending roles, such as when the "grad kidnapping" happened, and he spent the day in a pink feather boa, white bandeau, and make-up...sooo funny. (He plans to be an actor, and enjoys exploring all kinds of roles, and I think he sees gender stuff as just another way to do that.) I like that he's not a stereotypical anything, yk? If his interests were more focused at one end of the gender stereotype spectrum, that would be okay with me, too - as long as they were his interests, not ones being put on him by someone else.

Oh - and dd1's favourite things in the world are ballet, piano, art, digging for and rescuing bugs, worms, etc. -  and spiders - she has a major fascination with spiders.

DS2 is a prettty cliche rough and tumble boy, but he also puts on his sister's dressed occasionally for certain kinds of pretend play.

It sounds to me as though your son enjoys lots of different kinds of play and different kinds of toys, and probably gravitates to the girls at school, because they facilitate a kind of play that the boys don't. But, I'm not exactly sure what your concern is. What did you mean by, "I have it in my head that I'm not letting him be who he is"? Were you talking about home or school, or what?