I've been a single mom for a couple months now, my kids are younger and one has some special needs. I've been reading and really appreciate all the advice on here.
I feel like I keep waiting for something to come up and show me what 'reality' is- because so far being single is way easier than being married. I have full custody, no child support, though I do have family near by to help on weekends if needed.
I was in an abusive marriage, but he had stopped physically abusing me for the last few years, so I thought I should stick it out because 'he was trying to change'. But this is so much better for everyone! But it almost seems too easy! This is normal, right?
If we have free time, we go and do some child centered activity (go to the park, etc), bring appropriate food, and leave before they're over tired. We dont' spend the time talking about how xyz (which is too expensive, too far away, and/or not good for our aged kids) is SO much better, or nitpicking every sign, rock, tree, grass, person, dog, building at the park.
They needed health insurance, I just got private high deductible insurance for all of us, without griping about cost, how unfair it was that I pay taxes and this too, announcing that doctors make too much, or deciding that I'm just going to take my chances and leave us uninsured.
If they wake up when i'm working (I work at home) I stop what I'm doing and help them get settled in on the couch. There is no grumbling, drama, grudge holding, or stopping of work because of one little interruption.
The budget works- we have a tight budget so we wait until we have all the money needed to cover the next month's rent, bills, etc before we do something fun, go out to eat, or support our hobbies. We are still content.
We can spend 20 minutes getting out the door without any {adult} having a meltdown because everything with kids takes longer.
We budget our time and mostly do our work before playing. We don't put off things like paying bills, working, or doing car maintence until there's an emergency.
If the kids seem bored, we get on the floor and play, color, or get out a game. We don't feel the need to 'teach them about the real world' and declare war just because they acted out.
We go to church, and even though the sermons don't match up 100% exactly as we believe, we still enjoy it, the people there, and there... once again... is not nitpicking and complaining on the way home/the next day/the next week.
We eat healthy food without complaining. We have occasional treats, but nobody gripes if there isn't 'any good food' in the house and it's not necessary to go on snack runs every day to indulge whatever the whim of the day is.
When we don't need something any more, we can donate. We don't need to save everything for 'just in case' and then move/clean/organize/house it all.
We are happy. We are content. We seem to have everything we need, though we had much more space and *things* when we lived in a two parent house. I'm honestly amazed! It's work, having both kids on my own, but my *mental space* is so much clearer. I was so nervous about my kids being raised by 'a single mom' that I put this off for way too long. This way of living is obviously much less stressful on them!
I'm planning their birthdays now, and for once it's a joy and I feel like I have time to plan rather than it just being one more thing that needs to be accomplished. This is what inspired the post- I was amazed at how much my attitude about this one simple thing had so noticably changed from last year to this year.
Thanks for all the support :)
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