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Mine your own dam business....

post #1 of 143
Thread Starter 

*disclaimer, I have no idea if this is the right place for this... so.. please feel free to move wherever ;)*

 

 

So I went to my midwife appointment, it went great. I then took the boys to Target afterward. I was on the phone with my mom while sitting in the car when my 6 year old opens the van door and says "Mom, those kids are alone in that car." I look over, and yep, there were two kids sitting in the car by themselves, with the car running. A baby (not sure of age, but it was rear facing), and a 5 or so year old. I didn't know what to do. I was sort of just in shock. While yes, at least the air conditioning was on, but there are 1000s of different things that could go wrong in that scenerio... like, the baby freaking out, the 5 year old trying to get out, the 5 year old getting out and trying to go into target, leaving the baby completely alone, the 5 year old getting in the drivers seat and pushing all sorts of buttons, let alone an electrical fire, a car hitting the car, I mean, really it's endless how stupid this was. So I didn't know what to do. I didn't want to leave the kids alone so I stayed in the parking lot and was in the process of trying to take a picture of her license plate (I don't know why I didn't call 911.. let's just blame it on pregnancy brain..in retrospect that's definately what I should have done.. ) to take into target when the mom walked up. Cue her FREAKING OUT on me. She started yelling that I needed to mind my own business, take care of my own kids, etc, etc. Then tried to defend herself by saying "Well the 5 year old is old enough to be left alone"... uh.. really??!?!?! Are you KIDDING ME?! She said she was only in there a short amount of time. My thing is, sure, it may have only been 10 minutes, but it's TARGET?! Like how many times have I said I'd just be a minute and ended up in there for hours? Let alone not even being able to see your car or anything when you went in..  I finally just walked away as she continued yelling at me.

 

 

I got back to my van after I shopped and this gem was on my windshield:

 

 

 

 

 

Keep it classy, responsible mom at target.. keep it classy.

 

 

post #2 of 143

so, you gonna get some shovels and start digging under a dam? That would be mining your own dam business!

 

I think people get defensive when they get caught out doing stuff they know was a bad idea. You did fine, I think. You stayed there, made sure the kids were OK and didn't freak out on her when she freaked out on you.

post #3 of 143
Thread Starter 

This was my favorite quote on facebook:

 If she's trying to start a dam mining business she may have trouble getting a bank loan. Just sayin...

post #4 of 143

LMBO!!  I stopped and took a picture of some teens that were writing "Your gay" on the back window of a car.  (I asked them to move so I could take the picture) Then posted it on facebook.

 

But, this one is so much better than the misuse of "your/you're".

post #5 of 143

Wow. So the car was actually running? Does she truly believe that her 5 y/o WON'T at some point decide to unbuckle himself and climb up front? Heck, I still hesitate leaving my 17 y/o in my running car- and he drives now! ( I do though)

 

Two years ago one of my daycare parents came to drop off their baby (7 m/o) she brought his bag and chair in first and left babe in the car with it running. It wasn't in park and rolled, backwards, across my sloped driveway and over an embankment (about 8 ft drop) into a tree. We chased it and were actually hanging onto it as it fell. Fortunatly babe was properly buckled in his seat (and I got a full on view of the seat on impact-thank god she had it!)

And she was gone MAYBE 40 seconds before the car rolled enough that we noticed.

The baby was fine, the crash woke him but did no damage, Mom was a different story.

If she had tried to shut the car off without it in park it wouldn't have worked and she'd have had to put it in park before turning the engine off, thus avoiding the disaster. NOT blaming her at all, don't read me wrong, I know, crap happens when your tired, stressed and have a baby. So doesn't even compare to the woman you encountered, I'm just saying basically, freak accidents happen.

 

It was awesome of you to hang around and watch out for the kids.

And it was pretty sucky of her to put that note on your windshield.

 

My head is still spinning at the 5 y/o in a running car thing, geez when my kids were 5 I didn't trust them to not spill juice all over the floor, much less to NOT play with the gearshifts in the running car while Mama does her shopping!!

 

OMG!! I just noticed the spelling! Aww, that's just....sad?

post #6 of 143
Really? I totally know five year olds who are capable of sitting in a car for a few minutes with the doors locked watching their baby brother or sister. You dont know what she was doing or what she had to go through. Maybe her LO was sick and she ran in to get some medicine for him. Maybe the kid wasnt five, maybe he was 7 or 8. (I have a kid that people regularly mistake for a 9 month old and a brother that looked 5 at 10). How long did you stand there and look at the car? How do you know how long she was in the store? I dont think its that wrong or screwed up to leave your child in the car for a few mintues with your baby. And no matter what, Ill bet she wasnt going to wind up being in there for hours and leaving her kids in the car. Dont you think a 5 year old knows how to unstrap a carseat and pick up a baby and carry them out? I did. I have friends who have 5 years olds that would be totally capable of getting their crying sibling out of the car if the needed to.


Seriously, people let their 10 year olds babysit all the time. What if someone broke in? What if there was an electrical fire? What if a car slammed into the front of the house and there was no adult there? I mean, I dont think either situation is ideal, but I dont think you were helping. I would have sat in the car until the mom came back. ETA: I would have sat in MY car and watched them from MY car. I see that could be misinterpreted as sitting in the car with the kids, which I wouldnt do.


IDK, I probably would have told you to mind your own business too.
post #7 of 143
Thread Starter 



The mom told me her son was 5.. I guessed in the begining but she actually said he was five... My 6 year old, who is probably the most mature, responsible, level headed kid I've ever met.. would not be left in a car, running or not, while I went into a place where I couldn't see them.. especially a store where who knows what could happen. What if lines were super long? What if there was a robbery, I mean honestly there's a 1000 differennt things that could happen. Would you WANT your five year old to carry their sibling outside the car into a busy parking lot? Just logically for me, doesn't seem like a great idea..


I was there at least 5-10 minutes. I had been in my van talking to my mom on the phone, then realized what had happened. From that point to the mom coming out was at least 7 minutes.. if not longer, so who knows how long it could have been prior to my 6 year old telling me the kids were alone.

 

 

And honestly, the difference between a 10 year old babysitting in a house compared to a 5 year old, watching a baby, in a running car is just huge.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Adaline'sMama View Post

Really? I totally know five year olds who are capable of sitting in a car for a few minutes with the doors locked watching their baby brother or sister. You dont know what she was doing or what she had to go through. Maybe her LO was sick and she ran in to get some medicine for him. Maybe the kid wasnt five, maybe he was 7 or 8. (I have a kid that people regularly mistake for a 9 month old and a brother that looked 5 at 10). How long did you stand there and look at the car? How do you know how long she was in the store? I dont think its that wrong or screwed up to leave your child in the car for a few mintues with your baby. And no matter what, Ill bet she wasnt going to wind up being in there for hours and leaving her kids in the car. Dont you think a 5 year old knows how to unstrap a carseat and pick up a baby and carry them out? I did. I have friends who have 5 years olds that would be totally capable of getting their crying sibling out of the car if the needed to.


Seriously, people let their 10 year olds babysit all the time. What if someone broke in? What if there was an electrical fire? What if a car slammed into the front of the house and there was no adult there? I mean, I dont think either situation is ideal, but I dont think you were helping. I would have sat in the car until the mom came back. ETA: I would have sat in MY car and watched them from MY car. I see that could be misinterpreted as sitting in the car with the kids, which I wouldnt do.


IDK, I probably would have told you to mind your own business too.


 

post #8 of 143
Thread Starter 

Let alone, I'm pretty positive it's illegal.

post #9 of 143
Quote:
Originally Posted by Adaline'sMama View Post

Really? I totally know five year olds who are capable of sitting in a car for a few minutes with the doors locked watching their baby brother or sister. You dont know what she was doing or what she had to go through. Maybe her LO was sick and she ran in to get some medicine for him. Maybe the kid wasnt five, maybe he was 7 or 8. (I have a kid that people regularly mistake for a 9 month old and a brother that looked 5 at 10). How long did you stand there and look at the car? How do you know how long she was in the store? I dont think its that wrong or screwed up to leave your child in the car for a few mintues with your baby. And no matter what, Ill bet she wasnt going to wind up being in there for hours and leaving her kids in the car. Dont you think a 5 year old knows how to unstrap a carseat and pick up a baby and carry them out? I did. I have friends who have 5 years olds that would be totally capable of getting their crying sibling out of the car if the needed to.


Seriously, people let their 10 year olds babysit all the time. What if someone broke in? What if there was an electrical fire? What if a car slammed into the front of the house and there was no adult there? I mean, I dont think either situation is ideal, but I dont think you were helping. I would have sat in the car until the mom came back. ETA: I would have sat in MY car and watched them from MY car. I see that could be misinterpreted as sitting in the car with the kids, which I wouldnt do.


IDK, I probably would have told you to mind your own business too.


You know, my ex-IL's are cuh-RAZY cakes.  But this is one thing I don't have to worry about them doing.  Why?  B/c when my ex's little brother (who is 26 now) was 2, he climbed out of his car seat and played with the gear shift, and the car rolled down the driveway.  Thank goodness it wasn't a hill, and not a busy street, cause he easily could have been killed.  Children should not be left in running cars - I mean, its August - what if the car overheated??  Scary thought! 

 

No way would I ever do that!  Especially not with the engine running!

 

post #10 of 143

Oh my goodness! Those poor kids. This prob. isn't the first time shes done that either. greensad.gif

post #11 of 143
Quote:
Originally Posted by Adaline'sMama View Post

Really? I totally know five year olds who are capable of sitting in a car for a few minutes with the doors locked watching their baby brother or sister. You dont know what she was doing or what she had to go through. Maybe her LO was sick and she ran in to get some medicine for him. Maybe the kid wasnt five, maybe he was 7 or 8. (I have a kid that people regularly mistake for a 9 month old and a brother that looked 5 at 10). How long did you stand there and look at the car? How do you know how long she was in the store? I dont think its that wrong or screwed up to leave your child in the car for a few mintues with your baby. And no matter what, Ill bet she wasnt going to wind up being in there for hours and leaving her kids in the car. Dont you think a 5 year old knows how to unstrap a carseat and pick up a baby and carry them out? I did. I have friends who have 5 years olds that would be totally capable of getting their crying sibling out of the car if the needed to.


Seriously, people let their 10 year olds babysit all the time. What if someone broke in? What if there was an electrical fire? What if a car slammed into the front of the house and there was no adult there? I mean, I dont think either situation is ideal, but I dont think you were helping. I would have sat in the car until the mom came back. ETA: I would have sat in MY car and watched them from MY car. I see that could be misinterpreted as sitting in the car with the kids, which I wouldnt do.


IDK, I probably would have told you to mind your own business too.


 

The car was running. That is what scares me. I've had four 5 y/o's of my own in my life as a parent so far, and I know without a doubt that if I had left any one of them in my car with it running that there would be a VERY strong chance of one of them climbing up front to put the radio on, put a cd in, raid my gum stash in the glove compartment, look for a toy that they think is up there and so on. They would do this simply because they're 5 and free from the watchful-fun-ruining eyes of Mom. Not worth the risk IMO.

Also, I'm sure if people saw a 5 y/o struggling to carry a baby, alone, through a busy Target parking lot the police (and CPS) would be called before you could blink.

 

I still don't understand why people find it so difficult to take the 2 minutes it takes to put their kids in a shopping cart. I can't understand the thought process of someone who thinks it's easier or better to leave her kids in the car while she goes shopping. I would personally rather spend a hellish half hour ( or more) complete with tantrums and shrieks putting my kids in a cart, wheeling them in and shopping than the hell of a CPS investigation or a funeral. dizzy.gif

post #12 of 143

You did the right thing by staying.  I would have called the police.  Someone has to advocate for children with irresponsible parents.  There is no excuse for this.

 

post #13 of 143

i personally wouldn't see something like that as a big deal, and if i had been the parent in question, you bet i would freak out on somebody taking pictures of my license plate.  some kids are capable of following instructions to stay put or use the cell phone if necessary, ya know?

post #14 of 143
Quote:
Originally Posted by Adaline'sMama View Post

I dont think its that wrong or screwed up to leave your child in the car for a few mintues with your baby.
IDK, I probably would have told you to mind your own business too.

I find the practice of leaving kids unattended in cars to be a dangerous one and I call the police if I see kids alone for more than five minutes in a car. Do you realize how hot its been in parts of America recently? And a running car is an accident waiting to happen. My little brother at 5 pulled the shifter out of park one time and the car rolled backward into traffic. He survived but it taught my mom a valuable lesson.

I once broke up with a friend because I found her two kids loaded/locked into the car while she was in the fabric store. I waited beside her car and made funny faces at them until she returned. She insisted she was gone five minutes but I had sat out there with her kids more than 15. I made sure her husband knew about it, too. Her kids were strapped in their carseats and too little to have protested if any stranger had come to do them harm.

Being a parent means being a responsible adult. If you don't have time to take your kids in, maybe you should run errands another time. Or leave the kids home with a sitter. Or have your partner watch them one evening while you run around... most stores stay open till nine p.m.
post #15 of 143
Thread Starter 

I don't think it's about kids being capable of instruction. Lots of kids are able to take instruction... but kids are also curious creatures, and that curiosity can often get the better of them. Or what if the baby started choking or any number of things and the 5 year old had to take over? I think it'd be less disconcerning if there hadn't been a baby in the car as well. I still would have done the same, but a baby? with a 5 year old? really?

post #16 of 143
Thread Starter 

Yeah the car was running and the music was super loud. I'm guessing she figured if she had the air conditioning on it'd be fine.

post #17 of 143

or.. what if mama takes the kids in the store and a shelf crashes on them?  or.. what if the baby wakes up and screams for the rest of the day after not getting a nap?  or a million other what-ifs.  personally, i only intervene in stranger's affairs with their kids is if they are hitting or physically abusing them.

if the kids were locked in a car with no a/c then that is a dangerous situation..  maybe the 5 year old demonstrates maturity or is responsible at home for the care of the younger child.  some families do work that way.

post #18 of 143
Quote:
Originally Posted by childsplay View Post




 

The car was running. That is what scares me. I've had four 5 y/o's of my own in my life as a parent so far, and I know without a doubt that if I had left any one of them in my car with it running that there would be a VERY strong chance of one of them climbing up front to put the radio on, put a cd in, raid my gum stash in the glove compartment, look for a toy that they think is up there and so on. They would do this simply because they're 5 and free from the watchful-fun-ruining eyes of Mom. Not worth the risk IMO.

Also, I'm sure if people saw a 5 y/o struggling to carry a baby, alone, through a busy Target parking lot the police (and CPS) would be called before you could blink.

 

I still don't understand why people find it so difficult to take the 2 minutes it takes to put their kids in a shopping cart. I can't understand the thought process of someone who thinks it's easier or better to leave her kids in the car while she goes shopping. I would personally rather spend a hellish half hour ( or more) complete with tantrums and shrieks putting my kids in a cart, wheeling them in and shopping than the hell of a CPS investigation or a funeral. dizzy.gif



Yeah, its so not worth the risks

 

post #19 of 143
post #20 of 143
Quote:
Originally Posted by childsplay View Post




 

The car was running. That is what scares me. I've had four 5 y/o's of my own in my life as a parent so far, and I know without a doubt that if I had left any one of them in my car with it running that there would be a VERY strong chance of one of them climbing up front to put the radio on, put a cd in, raid my gum stash in the glove compartment, look for a toy that they think is up there and so on. They would do this simply because they're 5 and free from the watchful-fun-ruining eyes of Mom. Not worth the risk IMO.

Also, I'm sure if people saw a 5 y/o struggling to carry a baby, alone, through a busy Target parking lot the police (and CPS) would be called before you could blink.

 

I still don't understand why people find it so difficult to take the 2 minutes it takes to put their kids in a shopping cart. I can't understand the thought process of someone who thinks it's easier or better to leave her kids in the car while she goes shopping. I would personally rather spend a hellish half hour ( or more) complete with tantrums and shrieks putting my kids in a cart, wheeling them in and shopping than the hell of a CPS investigation or a funeral. dizzy.gif


 

Hmm- in nice weather (no fear of overheating) I will often leave the kids in the car in my local  town while I run in to grab milk or something.  My oldest is almost 10.  I don't leave it running (I have a fear of an electrical fire or something) but in my town - where I can see the car from the store, the car is less than 10 feet from the door, etc etc etc- I am totally comfortable with it.  I will also leave the kids in the car if it's SUPER cold out or blizzardy.  Having responded to a HORRIBLE accident involving a semi and a woman trying to cross a parking lot with her toddler... I realized sometimes the car is a safer place. 

 

In my case, my three year old doesn't do well in our local store- I don't know what it is about it, but he really panics and falls apart.  It isn't worth the struggle and anxiety to take him when I can run in and out in five minutes ((usually less).  As for someone calling the police- I'm not worried.  Last time I wandered in, the Sheriff was parked right next to me and we had a discussion about our gardens.  He said hi to the kids as usual, but there was no concern regarding anything illegal or poor parenting on my part. It's a judgment call- we all make them based on where we live and who our kids are. In my town of about 400 people and a three aisle grocery store- about 25 feet in depth with a glass front- I'm fine with my choice. 

 

Would I leave a 5 year old and a baby at Target? heck no- but that would also mean being in a MUCH bigger town where I would never leave anyone in the the car to begin with.  I wasn't comfortable leaving the car with DD 'momentarily in charge' until about a year ago when I knew she was capable of finding help if necessary and unbuckling the car seats if there was a reason to.

 

I have to say though- mining the dam seems kind of a silly solution. :P 

 

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