my 3mos old has been "making strange" - wont let anyone hold her or sometimes even LOOK at her!

[cbella25]

I'm a single Mom with a now 4mos old baby girl. When she was around 10 weeks old she began to "make strange" with people - would freak out and scream if anyone even looked at her. Its gotten a bit better now that she is a bit older but will still not let anyone hold her. I've been told by others & have read that babies do not normally demonstrate this type of behavior until 7 or 8mos of age. I'm wondering if anyone else has had this problem?..how long this behavior lasted etc, what they did to help their baby socialize etc...I'm exhausted!

[Blanca78]

Hi CBella,

It sounds like your DD's behavior is a little more extreme than mine's, but we have experienced something similar: when she was around 13 weeks (she's now almost 16 weeks) she started crying inconsolably when people other than me or her dad tried to hold her. She'd sometimes be okay for a minute or two, but then start freaking out--even with people whom she had happily let hold her just a few days before! It's not every time, but enough that I feel she is experiencing some stranger anxiety. She even did it with her grandmother a few days ago, but has gotten used to her since (she's visiting from out of state).

Sorry, no advice, since we're still in the thick of it, but wanted to let you know we've had something similar around the same age.

[DianeFuentes]

Huh. Well what do you know! My Michelle has been showing signs of not being social too. She cries when she sees strangers and even gramps. Maybe you can expose her to other people slowly, that's what I'm trying to do. Like 5 minutes today, then 7 minutes tomorrow etc.

[amberskyfire]

My daughter was the same way. It's not abnormal. Babies are genetically programmed to want to be held by mama and will often freak out if someone else holds them. It's a survival trait. Not all babies have it from a very young age, but I have seen many that do.

Also, babies will often react if they don't like the smell of the person. If you use unscented detergents, the detergent on another person's clothing or their perfume or hair chemicals could bother the baby and cause her to get upset. Most likely, though, she doesn't smell you anymore and her instincts kick in and she cries so that you will take her back and hold her.

Does she also cry when you put her down by herself, not with someone else? Maybe she is just reacting to the disappearance of the "mommy - safe - smell."

[holothuroidea]

I think it's normal.

My first DD's favorite game was "pass the baby," and she never showed any signs of stranger anxiety even at the notorious 7-9 month stage. If someone smiled at her, she was immediately happy to be held by them. She is a very fearless person in many respects, though, and it's really not a good thing. She's the kind of kid that will walk straight into ocean waves without a second glance, and will run up to strange dogs yelling "PUPPY!!"

My second, though, is an entirely different baby. At around 4 months, she started crying when any other woman would even make eye contact with her (including her poor traumatized grandmother). She's okay with men, though, I don't know what that's about. I wouldn't call her "not social," though, that's a pretty extreme thing to say for a baby. She also does not like to be more than 2 feet away from me ever. We joke that she's afraid of hyenas. I think it's a very reasonable instinctual fear.