I'm just going to rant a little bit before I have to get on the road...
My 3 month old is awesome. He is great. No complaints. Awesome baby. Just started to sleep through the night and after a few weeks of this I will consider myself back in the land of the living in terms of sleep.
I just went back to work part time, but my job is really full time and though I'm only working three days a week, I already had to plan to work four days next week because of meetings I can't miss. It's very hectic upon my return. Things will chill out a little bit but right now it's really crazy.
I have four presentations to give the first three weeks I'm back (heading out this morning for the second one.) Because of the drive and meeting times, I find myself having to pump in the car. My LO eats every 2-3 hours but I am trying to be really vigilant about pumping as much as possible to avoid any dip in the supply I've fought so hard for over the past 12 weeks.
Pumping in the car SUCKS. I hate it. I'll just say that.
I feel so torn - I'm frantic in the hours I have of childcare to get my work done, and am really trying to not be doing anything work related on my non childcare hours. I've cheated a little bit but again, I think things will chill out after a few weeks.
So I'm feeling frantic inside. I'm barely back getting an acceptable amount of sleep. I can be short with my husband. I feel like he cuts me absolutely no slack - as soon as I'm short with him (which I know I shouldn't be...) he gets really really mad at me. He said to me yesterday that he doesn't feel I have room in my life to love him. And that I can at least be civil to him and respect our partnership.
Aaaargh!!! I am trying. I am trying to do everything I can. This is not about sex, either - I've been very giving on that front. It's probably been two weeks but we've been intimate about 1-2x a week for a while.
I feel like he needs to cut me some freaking slack. The reason I was short with him was that he didn't know what time our sitter arrived so I could go work. I was upset by that - I did all the work to find and interview our care person, worked out the scheduling so I could work... it's like when there is no coverage I'm the default (which is fine). But I feel he should at least know what the damn schedule is. It's like I'm hanging on by a thread to get everything done and work, take care of the babe and then make enough milk on days I'm not with him - it's so much.
I'm totally stress eating as well, I am big as a house right now - I've never been this heavy and not pregnant. I went to the gym the other day for a class - they have daycare - but the class was long and in the early evening - which is usually when I'm tanking my son up at home in order to get him to sleep.
Of course he woke up in the middle of the night because he was making up calories, so for now, I can't go to that class because I really, really need the sleep - when he wakes up at 3 I can rarely get back to sleep even though the baby gets back to sleep fine.
Anyway - that is my rant and I could really use some kind mom words.