I hate to post about more loss, since it brings things down and most on here will have fine healthy babies, but I lost mine too and thought getting some feelings out might help me a little.
We went for a short vacation with my husband's family, told them, they were ecstatic, then 2 days later I had a little pink mucus. I wasn't very worried until I felt a little pain. We wound up driving home a day early and stopped at an emergency room 1/2 way just to be checked out. After hours they finally told us the baby measured 7 wks 5 days but there was no heartbeat. I am confused because 9 days before it was 6 wks 2 days with a normal heartbeat, and grew well but then died. I know it was probably beyond my control but kept thinking of everything I did the day before and wondering if I did something wrong.
I have so many conflicting feelings and it is hard to sort them. I think, we are no worse off than we were 2 mos ago, and we knew this could happen, and we got through it. Then I think of how happy my husband was (the guy who doesn't like babies), and how hard I tried to do everything right, and I somehow feel like a failure and tricked at the same time. I think I am not that sad after all and then I burst into tears.
Since this was my first pregnancy it leaves me with extra questions. Early on I had a clear thought that I was pregnant but was not going to have a baby, yet I feel optimistic that the next time will be fine - and I am not someone who even believes in knowing something you have no way of knowing, or "everything happens for a reason." I keep looking for information, but only end up feeling worse when I do, reading about people who had 3+ miscarriages in a row. The only thing that makes me feel better is hearing about others who lost a first baby and then had a healthy one. I keep thinking whatever happens, chances are very good that I will have a healthy baby eventually.
Thanks for letting me vent and sending you all well wishes.