Preschool and should we worry?

[JamesD]

Been a tough three years so far with our dear boy, but, still working on it.

We started potty training him around 2.5 years old (last Christmas) first three days were pretty much the hell we expected, and then suddenly he seemed to get it, was peeing in the potty 9 times out of 10, sure he had misses, but, mostly was fine.

Then about 3 months after he got it, it suddenly seemed to vanish, he would have accidents, not that many, but one every few days, and at night (still in diapers) wouldn't bother to tell us he needed to go pee anymore, would just pee in his diaper.

Now at day-care they just told us that he's going to have to stay in a "lower" class than most of the other kids he spent the last year with because the rest of them all seem to be potty trained, but he's not, so while the rest of them are going to be in the class with the 3-4 year old kids, he's going to be with the 2.5-3 year olds.

So...we're going to meet with a developmental dr tomorrow to see if there is anything we can do about the pee and poo thing, but my wife is freaking out that he's not going to grow because he's the oldest in the class and we need to move him to another school, any thoughts?

[P.J.]

I don't have much useable advice for you, as my DS is only 14 months and we haven't BTDT yet w/potty training.

But I wanted to say I think it's awful that your preschool is doing this. I know from hearing friends' stories that this does happen though. I also know from all my friends and reading these boards that many kids are not fully potty-trained at 3. In fact, I would venture to say it may even be "normal". Especially to have a regression after initially getting it.

I wonder if there's a way you can work with the school, like putting him in disposable pull-ups.

If you and your wife are stressing about it, I think that's only going to make it less likely that he learns as he'll pick up on your stress.

Also, have you heard about the three-day potty-training method? Look it up. Maybe you can try that.

If that were me, I would start looking for another school rather than stress myself and my child out. Stressful potty learning can have deeper impact that goes beyond early childhood. Please be careful how you approach it...

[nikkiethridge]

How is his development overall outside of potty training? Is this the only lag he's having or has he been behind on other developmental milestones? I would listen to what the doctor says and go from there.You sadly won't find many preschools who will accept children who aren't potty trained, so putting him through the stress of adjusting to a new school wouldn't even be worth it because he would still be put in a lower class I'm afraid. 

[Rlin]

DS just started preschool and they don't do diapers there. I know there are a few kids in his class that have daily accidents, but they just change their clothes and tell the kids not to worry about it. Very matter of fact, no guilt or anything. They just told the parents that we know our kids best, and to bring as many pants and underwear as we thought necessary for a day. The teacher said that all of them will eventually figure it out on their own, they are just there to remind them occasionally to go to the toilet and to help them clean up. DS used to have minor accidents at home, but in preschool he's been accident free so far. 

DS just turned three and he is by far the youngest in his group so the other kids are almost turning 4. And they still have accidents. Totally normal for pre-schoolers I think, and they seem to think the same at his pre-school.

I would try to talk with them about it. Even fully potty trained preschoolers have accidents sometimes.