Dealing with the "ferel" neighbor kid - help! - Page 4

[contactmaya]

I think you're handling it well.  

[Imakcerka]

I still wish you had used the sprinkler... but that's just me and I'm not always nice. 

[MarineWife]

Originally Posted by Imakcerka 

I still wish you had used the sprinkler... but that's just me and I'm not always nice. 

A sprinkler might actually backfire and attract the child to the fence even more. Most kids love running through a sprinkler on a hot summer day. Tons of fun!

[isisreturning]

Very interesting thread. I just wanted to pipe in as a parent of a kid who has probably annoyed the neighbors: Please, please, please speak directly to the child about what they are doing incorrectly. I have a spirited, BOSSY boy, and I talk with my DS ALL.THE.TIME to coach him on social skills - "people would think that's rude if you do that," "that is unacceptable because XYZ," "it's okay to be creative and have ideas but you don't get to boss around other kids," etc. 

I'm very literal with him about these things and I don't beat around the bush because while I value him as an individual and adore a lot of his spirited traits, I also want him to understand social norms and conform to them in a way that allows other people to feel comfortable, safe and honored.

He came out of the womb this way. His natural inclinations towards entitlement and bossiness and doing whatever the heck he wants have never been encouraged or allowed. We are very involved with him, very connected, spend tons of time around him, etc. He's just still learning and developing. 

Ok, enough about my DS - the point I really want to make is: he responds SO WELL to other grown-ups correcting him. We can work with him for months on something, and then another adult will say some version of "knock it off, you're being inappropriate," and he is chastened and chagrined, and the behavior changes. And he isn't tender-hearted or devastated by the correction. He's simply, "oh, somebody else agrees with my parents on this. Ok, I guess I better knock it off, then." 

It sounds like talking directly with the neighbor child has already been helpful - I encourage you to keep it up. 

[Maiasaura]

Originally Posted by isisreturning He came out of the womb this way. His natural inclinations towards entitlement and bossiness and doing whatever the heck he wants have never been encouraged or allowed. We are very involved with him, very connected, spend tons of time around him, etc. He's just still learning and developing. 

OMG, are you raising my child? Only mine's 10-- same kid, I swear! And yes, I'm on him ALL.THE.TIME. working with him on appropriate behavior. It's so hard. And he doesn't even respond to other adults the way yours does. He just goes trip-happy along on his own little path, which, unfortunately right now, involves mentioning private parts and potty humor and words that a younger kid wouldn't know, like "balls" and "nuts" and other words....and he does.not.get mixed company or girls or older people. He'd probably blurt in church Sigh.

[MarineWife]

Originally Posted by isisreturning 

Please, please, please speak directly to the child about what they are doing incorrectly.

I have 2 kids like this, so far, my first and my third so I know that it can be temperament more than anything the parents are or are not doing.

However, some children don't respond to anyone talking to them. The neighbor boy I have been dealing with for 4 years now never responded to anything I said to him. He just puts his head down and makes a pouty face until I'm finished talking and then he runs off and tries to get away with whatever it was when I'm not looking. He even encourages my children to lie to me and calls them tattle tales when they tell me what's going on. I know his parents pretty well so I'm fairly confident that behavior is because of the way his parents treat him. He is afraid of getting in trouble but has not really been told or taught decent social behavior at home.

Anyway, not much you can do with a child like that except tell him to stay away.

[Tonia Starr]

Originally Posted by *bejeweled* 

This is laugh worthy. You're joking right?


[quote name="philomom" If you want to hardball this, you could report her to CPS as a child who seems to be alone all day. Really, at her age, she should have some supervision.[/quote]
Actually, MY situation required a call to CPS. There was no fence and 4 unsupervised kids all day ever day who would walk right into my house, take toys off our porch, take bikes out of the yard, steal food, and had all around zero respect for my rules. I am talking about ages 2,4,6 and 8 with never a glimpse of a p[arent. I knew for a fact both parents were inside either drinking or sleeping as the kids would often tell me so or I would hear the fighting. I DID call CPS. But this situation doesnt really seem as extreme. Not even close. Just some really clear rules set in firm ground shuld help. An above post mentioned its easier to train the kids than the parents oftentimes. So true.