hitting

[ithappened]

DS is 20 months old and just went from hitting me/others ocassionally to all the time. . . my parents came to visit and he kept hitting me in front of them, then after a few days started to hit my parents too :(

I have no idea how to stop it. I try to put him down immediately when he does it and ignore him, but this does not seem to change much.

[Angelorum]

We are having this problem.  Especially today.  I am feeling awful with AF cramps and just want to nap, and all ds wants to do is hit me or jump all over me, or blow his snot all over me.  I just locked myself in the bedroom to keep from wanting to throttle him.  DS just turned 2.  Usually what we do about the hitting is reminding him to be soft, while demonstrating to him a soft touch, and ask him to show me back.  If he's hitting for attention, and asking him to be soft isn't working.  I will pick him up and hold him with his arms pinned down.  This makes him mad, and I remind him that we don't hit people, and to use soft touches.  I hold him for maybe 30 seconds?  And then when I let him go try and find something to engage him in so he's not thinking about hitting me anymore.  If that doesn't work and dh is around, then mommy gets a time out.  He doesn't hit dh as much.  If dh is not around and I'm really desperate, I'll stick him in his high chair with some coloring, or playdough, or something fun to do.  He usually does not want to go in his high chair, but I really don't want him to have the idea that it's ok to hit mommy, or anyone, so I feel like if he can't stop, he needs to be gently restrained and distracted.  Today nothing is working, and I am hiding.  I'm hoping someone else comes in here with more ideas, because I'm at the end of my rope.  Good luck, mama.

[ThreeTwoFive]

One thing to try could be redirecting the hitting.  "Don't hit mama, hit this pillow.  Look, let's hit it together.  Aaaaaaaaargh!"

[organicviolin]

also turn it into a game.....love taps...oh no! I just got a love tap....waaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!  really annoying cry etc....mama's sad!!!   kiss it and make it better.  Be a total goof...this has helped us tremendously.  DS 1 is nearly 2.5 and he can get quasi aggressive when he needs to reconnect.  Reconnect = play.  Also, play the I bet you can't get me game and run away!  Then fall over and feel like a total goof ball so he gets you.  He's hitting to feel empowered.  Also we give like 2 choices, would you like egg or meat???  for example.  That also helps a lot. hth mama!  Also, tell him you're in time out until you get a grip so that you can reconnect and play when you feel centered.  We also do yoga breathing to help...

[kayleesmom]

i am dealing with this alot with my son now 2.5 yrs so i am watching this thread.

[MrsSurplus]

I definitely see the value in the "make it a game" approach but we choose a different tact.  I want my children to know that hitting isn't a game and it's not funny.  So, I give a firm "NO hitting" and put them down.  If it continues I do remove them to where they can't hit anyone.  Generally, I have found that if I make my Serious Mom face while saying "NO hitting" and put them down, they get a curious look and try again - but not too many more times.  I'm sorry, Mamas; I know some toddlers are more persistent than others about this and it can be so frustrating.

Good luck!

[organicviolin]

I find it interesting that with our kiddo when taking things ubber seriously he gets worse.  With the playing aspect he knows that hitting is not fun or anything, I just translate it to his kid language of play.  When you hit mama it makes her cry waaaa!!!!!  Insert big annoying cry.......then he stops.  I've also done the stern no hitting, gentle hands and removal of child from hitting object and with lots of repetition and it wasn't as effective for him.  All kids are different!

[mamabelle]

My toddler thought hitting was hilarious, especially when we reacted with exaggerated crying.  I also wanted him to know that I thought hitting was serious and not a game so didn't want to react with playing (though I see how that could work for some).  Our daycare provider suggested putting him down and walking away, explaining "ouch, no hitting.  I need to move away from you to be safe." Or some variation upon the theme.  It wasn't magic, and took some repeating, but combining that with redirection "You can't hit people, but you can hit the pillow," or "do you want to hit your drum?" seemed to really help him understand. 

Also, "no hitting, that's ouchie.  Be gentle.  Can you show me gentle?" was surprisingly effective.  Once he learned gentle (mostly with the dogs), asking him to show us usually led him to get excited about showing us how good he could be at petting nicely : )

It is especially interesting to me when and where they try out these behaviors.  When we were really going through it at home I asked our daycare provider about it and he had never tried it there.  After I felt like we were really over it at home, my mom said that he was hitting her a bit when she babysat (she never did anything consistently when he would, and I think like most kids he was doing it to initiate play and reconnect/get attention.  I tried to give her some tips so we could all agree NO HITTING, but Nana has a hard time saying no...).