Help! Opinions please...

[SingleTxMom11]

Hi, I am new here and would like to get some opinions on something.

I have a 7 week old son.  His dad is my ex-boyfriend (we were NEVER married and only together about 6 months) who broke up with me about a month after finding out I was pregnant.  He tried to convince me to have an abortion and when I wouldn't he wanted me to give the baby up for adoption.  When I told him he didn't have to be in the baby's life but he would still have to pay child support he threatened that I was forcing him to take the baby away from me.  This was all back in January.  I haven't had contact with him since then.  I just filed for child support today...because with the cost of daycare and my son has reflux that requires special formula and medicine, I am financially struggling. Not to mention it's only fair for my son to have that financial support.  I am so terrified he is going to come back and try to take my son away from me.  Please understand, I am 28 and have a 2 year old daughter I have primary custody of and I am a good mother.  I love my kids more than anything.  I know how Texas usually works and odds are in my favor (I think).  My question is....what do you think a judge may give him for visitation?  He didn't even want this child...at all.  And I saved every text msg exchanged to prove it.  I can't even stand just the idea of him having any kind of overnight visit....I literally almost go into an anxiety attack.

I'm sorry if I sound silly it's just this guy was definitely not the kind of man I thought he was and getting pregnant was not intentional.  I'm just scared he is going to take my son.  Thanks in advance for your replies....

[PrettyBittyMama]

I'm sorry, I don't have any advice.  I'm kind of going through the same thing.  I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone!

[belove]

the father isn't going to come try to take your child,he's just threatening you to back off so he doesn't have to pay for support. so please don't let this get to you.

my child was born out of a very causal relationship and i struggled through the same things as you...especially the threat that he would take my child to raise if i "choose" to have the kid. 

he never even tried...

(disclaimer: i never filed for support because i didn't want him on the birth cert and to have any say in the raising of our child)

so please don't be worried about this. the only thing the courts will do is grant him visitation. 

[crazyms]

Yes the only thing the courts will do is grant him visitation. I agree with the other posters that the 'taking the child' is most likely just a threat to get you to not file for support and just remember that courts don't usually take kids from the mothers without good reason. I'm sure you'll be fine. I understand not wanting him to have visitation but that's a risk that's taken when he's paying child support. I'm struggling with the same debate myself right now. My baby's father does not want anything to do with her. The money would help me but that entitles him to seeing her which he already said he didn't want. I don't want him seeing her just because he's having to pay for her if he isn't going to love her so Idk what to do. I'm with ya and it sucks!

[SingleTxMom11]

Thanks for the replies and the encouragement.  I'm sorry I am not the only one going through this.  The fear alone sucks.  I filed two weeks ago today and they are supposedly trying to locate him (that's the status they gave me when I called and checked on it).  So, either they haven't actually found him yet or he really doesn't care and will just pay to get rid of me...so to speak.  He makes a lot of money so it's a possibility.  And I too struggled with the decision to file....I really didn't want to but I really had no choice....it was like I was paying money to go to work.  Anyways....I'll keep yall updated and yall do the same.  I hope everything works out for everyone here.  Laters.

[sren]

You are doing what you have to do.  Hugs to you, brave mama.

[SingleTxMom11]

So, we went to our first mediation where, of course, he requested a paternity test.  Well, two weeks later we were back and of course, he is the father.  He wanted to pay me $500 a month (with his income and credit for two other children, I am legally entitled to $917).  I am not willing to accept that amount (the $500), it doesn't even cover child care.  So, he gets super angry, says I am selfish and just out to get money.  Then he wants visitation...not just the standard...he wants him every other WEEK.  I, of course, say no that I want the supervised visits for at least a year and then we'll see where it goes.  He says no way and wants to get an attorney, because if he is paying for the "kid" he wants parental rights.  So, after a little bit of heated conversation, he was made to leave the room.  But before he did....he told me that he WOULD get FULL CUSTODY. He would drop every dime he had to get full custody.  I am now thinking about asking him to sign over all rights.  I know it means no child support but I can't lose my son.  I have been a basket case for two days now just thinking about it.  I feel like I shouldn't have even filed now.  I'm so upset I don't know what to do :-(

[sren]

Omg, that must have been terrifying.  No wonder you are feeling intimidated-- it sounds like that was his goal and he does it very well.  I don't have any experience to share on this type of custody, but he does sound very controlling.  Maybe it would be worth it to have him out of your life.  Your son is lucky to have you for him mum.