S/O Parents say the darndest things..

[LynnS6]

OK the thread on kids say the darndest things got me thinking of the things I say as a parent.

Last night as I was putting dd to bed, my last words to her were "Don't read!"

OK it made some sense -- dd had to get up early, and she has a tendency to stay awake till all hours reading. But I never thought that I'd be telling my kid not to read.

Today as I was killing time before doing lunch supervision at Drama Music Camp at church, and I was knitting. People kept asking me "what are you knitting?" and I replied "Knitting a Gryffindor scarf for a stuffed penguin." That got me some looks!

[FrugalGranolaMom]

Ah yes, the strangest things have come out of my mouth since becoming a parent. Yesterday it was "Don't put the potty on the piano."

[artekah]

We were playing in a shallow riverbed a few weeks ago and 22-month-old DS was picking up the pebbles and throwing them in the water to make them "plop." Then he started throwing handfuls of sand and it was getting all over us. DH said "Only throw rocks, please!!" shortly followed by "Hmm. That's a sentence I never thought I'd say."

[Monkey Keeper]

"Please don't pet my boobies in the store," followed less than 15 minutes later by, "Please don't poke my crotch to get my attention."

What personal space???

[mommy212]

PinkBunch- too funny!

let's see what I can think of... "boobs are not toys"

"No sweetheart, I'm not stealing your peach, you just can't eat the pit"

[Viriditas]

"Please keep your penis off of my computer."

[BroodyWoodsgal]

Hahaha...

"No, you cannot carry your bug family in your vagina." followed by "I don't care if it SEEMS like a pocket, honey, it's not ACTUALLY for carrying things like bugs around" -  she protested so hard on this one..."Well it's MY vagina, YOU said it's MY vagina!!!" - I was actually kind of stumped on that one. I did, in fact, tell her that it is HER vagina and HER own special private space...hmmmm....yeah, don't care, still not a pocket for carrying around her "bug family" (the dead bugs she finds outside and on the windowsill that she collects and puts in her dollhouse, in special beds that she makes for them, etc.).

[Dazedstella]

This one also went on the toddler's thread but I thought I would include it here too. It happened to be yelled as DH answered the ringing telephone "WE DON'T PUT BINKIES IN OUR VAGINA"

p.s. so so SO many of these things involve vaginas/penises/butts..... potty humor is funny no matter what age you are!

[Dazedstella]

Well it is HER vagina but you are in charge of protecting it for her until she is old enough to know not put bugs in it!

Originally Posted by AverysMomma 

Hahaha...

"No, you cannot carry your bug family in your vagina." followed by "I don't care if it SEEMS like a pocket, honey, it's not ACTUALLY for carrying things like bugs around" -  she protested so hard on this one..."Well it's MY vagina, YOU said it's MY vagina!!!" - I was actually kind of stumped on that one. I did, in fact, tell her that it is HER vagina and HER own special private space...hmmmm....yeah, don't care, still not a pocket for carrying around her "bug family" (the dead bugs she finds outside and on the windowsill that she collects and puts in her dollhouse, in special beds that she makes for them, etc.).

[AllyRae]

"STOP LICKING THE TOILET!" has come out once or twice.  As well as 'stop licking the dog' and 'your sister is not a chew toy'.  Yes, my kids have some mouth issues. LOL!

[CrunchyMama19]

We don't eat rocks!

[tooraloora]

"That's very sweet that you want to help, but I really don't need to you hold my breast for me." My then 5 yo DD really wanted to be an active participant in the feeding of her new brother.

[BroodyWoodsgal]

Originally Posted by AllyRae 

"STOP LICKING THE TOILET!" has come out once or twice.  As well as 'stop licking the dog' and 'your sister is not a chew toy'.  Yes, my kids have some mouth issues. LOL!

Yeah...the "dog ones" are my favorite....

"Please stop sniffing that dogs butt" ("But mama, he sniffed MINE!")

"You don't bite dogs, you guys, STOP IT!" ("He's biting us, too, mama! It's so fun!" - "oh, well in that case, I guess everything's okay...nothing to see here" )

Me: Avery, where are you going

Avery: Outside to pee

Me: Ummm, why don't you go on the potty, only animals go pee pee outside

Avery: Dada pees outside all the time :quizzical gaze:

Me: Ummmmmm

Avery: He does, mama. Yup.

Me:

DH:

Avery: staring, blinking, nodding....slowly moving backward toward the slider doors...

Me: Buuuutttt

DH:

Me, to DH:

DH, to me:

Avery, slowly opens the slider door...."Um, I'll be right back mama"....trots off.

Important note: We live in the middle of the woods with no one around us...so, you know, I guess better that she went into the woods and peed than if we lived on a cul-de-sac in the 'burbs or whatever.

Yeah. Kids. Gotta love it.

[BroodyWoodsgal]

Originally Posted by Dazedstella 

Well it is HER vagina but you are in charge of protecting it for her until she is old enough to know not put bugs in it!

I just feel like I can't even knock the girl...she really loves her vagina. I've tried my best to have really positive and easy-going conversations about vaginas...and I guess it's worked or whatever because she thinks her vagina is DA COOLEST. She is finally understanding that it's not a pocket, but for a while there was CONVINCED that if she could only try it, her vagina would be the coolest thing ever for carrying around anything she might want to have with her at all times. So, yeah, nowadays the conversation about vaginas always ends with "proper care and maintenance" tips..."gotta keep it clean and happy" and what not.

[Jewels*]

"Honey, I'm sure all the rocks taste the same"

[FarmerBeth]

"I'll have to look up where the ninja training schools are.  Then we'll see about ninja lessons."  (My 7 year old wore me down so much complaining that if I didn't get him lessons he'd never get to have a proper job as a ninja that I gave up on reason).

"If I hold my elbows out like a chicken all the time will you get that I need personal space?"

"Can you get off the internet so I can get on it?" (to my 11 year old)

"That's my chocolate.  Get yourself a bowl of cereal."

"I refuse to discuss physics at midnight.  Try me in the morning - after making me coffee" (to DS, 11, and yes, he talks about physics from his bed at midnight as I am tiredly wandering up to my bed)