Very funny! (:eyesroll)

[VocalMinority]

  Yeah!  We caught lice, probably from our best friends across the street.

DH gets a little neurotic about certain food- & personal-hygeine-related things, including his hair.  When I discovered our problem, I was home with only DSS and our toddler.  In my initial grossed-out controlled-panic, I said something to DSS along these lines:  "Let me emphasize that I don't ever advocate lying to either of your parents, or keeping secrets from them.  But, given the crazy stuff your Dad has going on with work, and the fundraiser he's putting on for the church this weekend, I'm wondering if it would be best to wait until Sunday, to tell him.  He's already pretty stressed out, and you know how he feels about his hair!"

Of course, by the time DH got home I'd come to my senses and realized I HAD to tell him, because he had to treat his head before his big fundraiser!  The conversation actually went better than I thought:

(him) "Here, Honey, I brought you some lunch!"

"So...You love me?"

"Well, of course I love you.  Why would you even ask that?"

"You really love me?"

Then he started to panic and dramatically clutch at his chest.  "OMG, Jeannine.  Please don't tell me something terrible happened today.  I've just got too much going on.  Please don't say you broke my laptop."

"Well, NO!  That's good news, isn't it?  I did NOT break your laptop."

"Did you lose my baby?"

"No.  So, that's also good news!  The baby is NOT missing...He just has lice."

After all that, he was unexpectedly rational and joking about the whole thing!

Meanwhile, DSS had TM'd his Mom something along the lines of, "We have lice, but we're worried about telling Dad."

For reasons I will eventually explain, DSS's Mom rather bizarrely believes she and DH are having some sort of rekindling of warmth toward each other.  Naturally, she wasn't going to skip what she thought was an opportunity to sabotage me!  Not long after DH's and my talk, she TM'd him something along the lines of, "You have a lice problem at your house, but your wife is forcing the children to keep it a secret from you.  Please take care of our son!"  Annoying...but DH and I had a good chuckle over it!

P.S.:  Perhaps I should clarify:  By the time I talked to DH, I had already treated all the children and myself.  I wasn't considering making THEM wait 'til Sunday for relief, only DH.  Of course, that would never have worked, for various reasons!

Edited by VocalMinority - 8/13/11 at 1:30pm

[Mummoth]

Wow, she really is trying, isn't she? It gives you insight into her frame of mind, too. Just the fact that that was her take on it shows a pretty messed up personality... like she's the sort of person who would let her child suffer with a lice infestation indefinitely because she has some sort of ulterior motive on her spouse. That's totally different from trying to spare someone a burden for a day or two!

We're dealing with lice, too. I think DD got it from the girl across the lane & we just finished treating it for the THIRD time. DS's hair is blonde and I was checking him, but the nits are really hard to see on his head and I didn't see any bugs. I think it took a long time to get established on his head, but was just enough to keep giving it back to DD (I hadn't shampooed him because his hair is short and I thought they weren't there!) I'm like your DH, this has me totally wigged out... we couldn't believe it when they came back because I was so thorough on DD's head and went OCD on the laundry and cleaning.

[VocalMinority]

Originally Posted by Mummoth 

We're dealing with lice, too...I'm like your DH, this has me totally wigged out... we couldn't believe it when they came back because I was so thorough on DD's head and went OCD on the laundry and cleaning.

Well, good luck to you!  This experience has given me a whole new perspective on how much cleaning I can accomplish in a day.  I'm not freaking out yet, because I have a very clear game plan, as far as treating each person's head and then restricting them to rooms I've already sanitized.  But "comebacks" are my fear!  My friend across the street and I kept our kids physically away from each other, even for two weeks AFTER they thought their problem had cleared up.  Still, we've acquired it!  When I realized it, she checked her kids and, lo and behold, her toddler has it again.  Y-U-C-K!!

[Mummoth]

Originally Posted by Jeannine 

Well, good luck to you!  This experience has given me a whole new perspective on how much cleaning I can accomplish in a day.  I'm not freaking out yet, because I have a very clear game plan, as far as treating each person's head and then restricting them to rooms I've already sanitized.  But "comebacks" are my fear!  My friend across the street and I kept our kids physically away from each other, even for two weeks AFTER they thought their problem had cleared up.  Still, we've acquired it!  When I realized it, she checked her kids and, lo and behold, her toddler has it again.  Y-U-C-K!!

I hope you catch it the first time! DD first had it right at the end of the school year, my after school care kid shared it with her. I know we got rid of it, because she was fine (and I was checking, this traumatized me!) until mid July, when the kid across the lane got home from vacation & DD went over to her house to play. About a week after that, the lice was back... and then I remembered my after school care kid had been playing with the kid across the lane a lot right before she got it (during the school year, they're around so many kids I hadn't even tried to figure out where it could have originated) I haven't been letting the kids play with the kid across the lane... I feel bad about it, but she's got really long hair and her mom isn't dealing with it properly if she's allowing play dates to happen while her daughter has lice. My kids are basically quarantined until we know we've gotten rid of them!

[VocalMinority]

Originally Posted by Mummoth 

My kids are basically quarantined until we know we've gotten rid of them!

Well, if no one IRL says it to you, THANK YOU for this!
 

[Mummoth]

Thanks! I'd feel terrible if we passed it to anyone. Are you worried about DSS's mom doing anything else with the info? 

I'm half-waiting for a call or visit from DCF over this... XH's parents called on me once before. During the divorce, I could only come up with 60% of the mortgage payment each month. I hired a realtor and she brought about 4 good offers tot he table, and XH refused to sign them all, while trying to pressure me to accept his parents extremely lowball offer, then once the house was in foreclosure, they suddenly had a much better offer and it got accepted. So I was given 3 weeks to get out while I had a broken wrist... so I took what we needed and left the rest. MIL called DCF because the house was messy... most of it was crap XH hoarded in the basement! (incidentally, the reason why he wouldn't sell to anyone BUT his parents, it was too much work for him to arrange to get his precious junk out of there because there was a no-contact order in place) His parents own a lot of property, and if a tenant leaves the house a mess, they has recourse... but a foreclosure is as-is, so she needed to get back at me somehow, I guess. Anyway, I've got the feeling that something is brewing lately, and I'm pretty sure they'll take advantage of the lice situation when they learn about it (which they will because I allow DD to call them whenever she wants to, because they're her grandparents  )

[VocalMinority]

Originally Posted by Mummoth 

Thanks! I'd feel terrible if we passed it to anyone. Are you worried about DSS's mom doing anything else with the info? 

No doubt, it's already been added to her "log", for court.  And no doubt, her rendition will be distorted.  It would be very consistent with past issues, for her to report that she "had to make" DH treat the lice, because he and I were neglectful and DSS was too frightened of us to ask for help.  The nice thing about the courts having taken the unusual step of giving DH custody is that (hopefully) his rendition will have more credibility than any "neglected-child-pining-for-his-mother's-care-after-an-incompetent-judge-forced-him-to-live-with-his-cruel-father-and-stepmother" rendition she may present.

I'm half-waiting for a call or visit from DCF over this... XH's parents called on me once before. During the divorce, I could only come up with 60% of the mortgage payment each month. I hired a realtor and she brought about 4 good offers tot he table, and XH refused to sign them all, while trying to pressure me to accept his parents extremely lowball offer, then once the house was in foreclosure, they suddenly had a much better offer and it got accepted. So I was given 3 weeks to get out while I had a broken wrist... Nice.

So I took what we needed and left the rest. MIL called DCF because the house was messy... most of it was crap XH hoarded in the basement! (incidentally, the reason why he wouldn't sell to anyone BUT his parents, it was too much work for him to arrange to get his precious junk out of there because there was a no-contact order in place) His parents own a lot of property, and if a tenant leaves the house a mess, they has recourse... but a foreclosure is as-is, so she needed to get back at me somehow, I guess. Anyway, I've got the feeling that something is brewing lately, and I'm pretty sure they'll take advantage of the lice situation when they learn about it (which they will because I allow DD to call them whenever she wants to, because they're her grandparents  )  From what I hear, it was simply a bad summer for lice, throughout the country.  Maybe due to the weather?  Also possibly because lice are becoming immune to the pesticides traditionally used to kill them.  Almost exactly like bedbugs, last summer.  Your ex-MIL would sound ignorant, if she suggested your daughter got lice because you're a bad parent, or bad housekeeper.  Everyone knows how contagious it is.  The only 100% prevention would be never letting your kids go to school, camp, museums, movie theaters; and never letting them get together with friends!  What kind of parent would you be, then?  

[Mummoth]

Even if the judge sees them as equally credible at the beginning of the hearing, DSS's mom saying things like that will probably sway his or her opinion! That's not even believable... you'll be able to go to DSS's doctor and show that when he's needed medications or treatment, he's gotten it. Parents that make sure their kid gets ointment for a rash, antibiotics for an infection, etc. are going to treat lice, even though it's not something you need to see a doctor for. 

I heard it was a bad year for lice, too... but my kids didn't get any notices home all year until I told the secretary when DD got it. Part of the problem is that many parents are sending their kids to school knowing they have it, because they have to work. They don't check at school for it. When my daycare kid realized she had it she told her teacher during the day, and he didn't send her home. I found out about an hour after school when she happened to mention it to me! 

It wouldn't be the first time MIL sounded ignorant in court! They blame me for XH's lack of a relationship with the kid. So when we had the trial, my lawyer tried to ask her about when XH assaulted DS. Now, at this point XH has plead guilty and is serving a suspended sentence, but her response was "I wasn't in the home, I don't know" and insisting that they'd never discussed it.

She had been telling the kids that their dad is nice and things like that, and DD was coming home from visits with them asking to e-mail him, which I'd help her with, and then he wouldn't respond and she was continually being let down. So he was able to show that her being in complete denial about her son was harmful to the kids. because they're grandparents not parents they don't have equal say in how much they see the kids. The court order the judge made gave them slightly less visitation than I'm comfortable with.

[Super~Single~Mama]

Originally Posted by Jeannine 

No doubt, it's already been added to her "log", for court.  And no doubt, her rendition will be distorted.  It would be very consistent with past issues, for her to report that she "had to make" DH treat the lice, because he and I were neglectful and DSS was too frightened of us to ask for help.  The nice thing about the courts having taken the unusual step of giving DH custody is that (hopefully) his rendition will have more credibility than any "neglected-child-pining-for-his-mother's-care-after-an-incompetent-judge-forced-him-to-live-with-his-cruel-father-and-stepmother" rendition she may present.

Also, I know your DSS was living with his mother in Cali during that last court fight, right?  So was the last judge in Cali?  If, for some reason, the last judge was from where you are - you'll probably end up in front of the same judge.  And, be aware that the judge may speak with your DSS in his chambers (without anyone present, unless there is a GAL appointed for him, then that person may be present), depending on what you're in court for.  If that happens, he just needs to be honest, and answer the questions from his perspective. 

[VocalMinority]

Originally Posted by Super~Single~Mama 

Also, I know your DSS was living with his mother in Cali during that last court fight, right?  So was the last judge in Cali?  If, for some reason, the last judge was from where you are - you'll probably end up in front of the same judge.  And, be aware that the judge may speak with your DSS in his chambers (without anyone present, unless there is a GAL appointed for him, then that person may be present), depending on what you're in court for.  If that happens, he just needs to be honest, and answer the questions from his perspective. 

Thanks.  What DSS might tell a judge about lice is the least of my worries.  I think he'd be honest about that.  

No, DSS's Mom moved to Cali with him during the custody battle and DSS lived there a relatively short time.  Indy never relinquished jurisdiction over the case.  Nevertheless, we will be in front of a new judge, as the one who gave DH custody has been transferred to a different court.

Mainly, I'm amused and flabbergasted by DSS's Mom thinking she exposed some transgression of mine, to DH.  It would blow DSS's mind to know he suggested to his Mom that we might keep something secret from DH and she turned right around and told DH, behind DSS's back.  His Mom really lays it on strong, to DSS, that they're BFF's, etc.  He would NEVER expect her to betray his secrets to anyone - least of all not his Dad, whom he believes she hates!  Yet, she was quite willing to throw all that to the wind, when she thought she could score a point against me, with DH!  And, for all that, she didn't score her point.  It's all just so rotten!

Oh, BTW, I really love your signature (about vaccinating)!  

Edited by VocalMinority - 8/14/11 at 8:28pm

[Super~Single~Mama]

Originally Posted by Jeannine 

Thanks.  What DSS might tell a judge about lice is the least of my worries.  I think he'd be honest about that.  

No, DSS's Mom moved to Cali with him during the custody battle and DSS lived there a relatively short time.  Indy never relinquished jurisdiction over the case.  Nevertheless, we will be in front of a new judge, as the one who gave DH custody has been transferred to a different court.

Mainly, I'm amused and flabbergasted by DSS's Mom thinking she exposed some transgression of mine, to DH.  It would blow DSS's mind to know he suggested to his Mom that we might keep something secret from DH and she turned right around and told DH, behind DSS's back.  His Mom really lays it on strong, to DSS, that they're BFF's, etc.  He would NEVER expect her to betray his secrets to anyone - least of all not his Dad, whom he believes she hates!  Yet, she was quite willing to throw all that to the wind, when she thought she could score a point against me, with DH!  And, for all that, she didn't score her point.  It's all just so rotten!

Oh, she's crazy cakes alright!  I'm sure you aren't concerned about what DSS will tell the judge - although its too bad the old judge got transferred, but only b/c they would know the case better.

It's really too bad your DSS's mom is so crazy and vindictive - I have a hard time understanding why some people are like that.  It's very frustrating (I know, my ex is totally batshit too).  Good luck with court - I'm going Wednesday myself.  Ugh.

[pianojazzgirl]

Hey mamas... sorry for forum crashing (the thread title piqued my interest).... but wanted to throw in my bit of lice advice.  The best success I've had at getting rid of it was using Cetaphil.  I think it's called the Nuvo method (you can google it).  Sorry if this is old news, but wanted to share in case in helps anyone who's battling the evil creatures.  Down with lice!!!!

[VocalMinority]

Originally Posted by pianojazzgirl 

Hey mamas... sorry for forum crashing (the thread title piqued my interest).... but wanted to throw in my bit of lice advice.  The best success I've had at getting rid of it was using Cetaphil.  I think it's called the Nuvo method (you can google it).  Sorry if this is old news, but wanted to share in case in helps anyone who's battling the evil creatures.  Down with lice!!!!

Thanks.  I have to admit, I rushed right out, bought and immediately used the chemicals.  I don't mess around with bugs in hair!  

Only when DH - who has pretty sensitive skin - balked at using the pesticide shampoo, did it occur to me:  If heating household items to 125 degrees for 10 minutes will kill lice and eggs...why wouldn't a sauna work?  And DH LOVES saunas.  So I sent him to the Y.  Unfortunately, it only offers saunas in the adult locker rooms, so our kids can't use them.  But DH came home, I used one of the special combs on his head...and the few things I found were, indeed, dead as doornails (whatever those are)!

After that, I started to be curious about gentler methods of treating it.  I'm still a little skeptical.  It's hard for me to imagine that Cetaphil (the only lotion gentle enough to use on the kid in my preschool class with psoriasis) could be harsh enough to kill lice.  But certainly, if something can be as effective as the sauna was and spare our family pesticide exposure...that's great!

[tooraloora]

Doesn't have to be harsh to kill them. Mayo will do it, too. I've been told it suffocates them. After I got sick of DD coming home with lice for the umpteenth time (seriously it was like every other week for months) because someone didn't see lice as a big deal and didn't feel like treating his family, I tried the mayo trick. Smothered DD's head in mayonnaise and let it sit for 3 hours, then washed and took the knit comb to it. It was a miserable 3 hours as she was incredibly cranky about me having put mayo on her head, but hey, it worked, and mayo is a great conditioner, so her hair felt fantastic afterwards.