Getting a 2 1/2 yr old to fall asleep on his own

[jewelsJZ]

My youngest is a little over 2 1/2. All his life, either dh or I have laid down with him and stayed there until he fell asleep. As much as we enjoy the snuggling, we would like to have some extra time in the evenings to ourselves.  Ds goes to his room daily for an hour of quiet time. Some days he falls asleep, other days he just plays with toys.

So tonight was the first night. I said, "Mommy is going to lay down with you for 15 minutes, then I'm going to go downstairs. It will be time for you to go to sleep."  After 15 minutes, I did just that. He was shocked. Such sadness. He cried for an hour, pleading with dh and I to please come up stairs and lay down with him.  After about 20 mins. I went up, tucked him back in his bed and repeated that Daddy and I were right downstairs, love you, time to go to sleep. It didn't help a bit. He continued crying and finally fell asleep in his doorway (there's a gate there) after an hour total.  We reassured him from downstairs every few minutes that it was okay, we were here, we love you, time to go to sleep, we can snuggle later.

We are fine with him coming into our room and co-sleeping at any point during the night, we just would like to move towards having him fall asleep on his own and not having to spend so much time getting him to bed each night. It varies really. Some nights, he falls asleep within 10 minutes, other nights it's 45 minutes (usually the days he naps).  

We are now questioning ourselves. Did we start this too soon? With too little warning? Should we stay with him for half an hour, then reduce the time? Should we not be doing this now but wait until he is 3? Or would that make it worse? We just got him potty trained a few weeks ago so maybe this is too much change at once? 

I feel badly for him. His whole life we've stayed with him until he fell asleep. I think I might have just done a toddler version of cry-it-out and that was not at all what I had planned. After he gave up naps and we started to do quiet time every day, he didn't like it at first and cried but now he is fine with it. But he was not nearly as upset about quiet time as he was tonight.

Thoughts? Anyone been through this before? Ideas? I feel awful so please be kind in your responses. Looking for wisdom from those who've been through this as well. Thanks in advance.

[lifeguard]

We transitioned ds to falling asleep on his own at about 26 months. Similar to what you have started but here are the things we did differently:

-we gave him a warning a week ahead of time & each night reminded him (2 more sleeps, 1 more sleep) that soon we would not be lying with him.

-the first two weeks (he got sick in the middle of the process & so one week became two) I sat in the hallway outside of his room where he could see me. For the most part I did not interact with him but I would occasionally reassure him that he was ok & I was right there. If he came out of his room I led him back in. If he got really upset I went in, cuddled him, told him he was doing a great job & knew it was hard to do something new & then tucked him back in once he was calmed down.

-the next week dh stayed in his office right beside ds' room

-the 4th week we were able to both go downstairs with minimal reassurance to him verbally we were there.

Each family has to decide for themselves when the right time to make a transition is but it sounds like maybe you just jumped into it a little too fast with not enough warning.